A White Horizon

Strangulation, Stock Checks, and Sleeplessness

2012-02-20T14:37:00.000Z

It's a funny old world. I had my first formal job interview back at the beginning of January - all suits and CVs and that - and although it was an interesting and useful experience (not to mention a bit scary), I didn't get the job. Two weeks ago today, on t'other hand, I began a week's unpaid work experience at the local DIY shop, and word must have gotten out that I'm not too bad with computers. That, and I obviously didn't annoy too many people. Because sometime on the Friday, the owner asked if I would come back for a couple of days each week, starting from the next week, and beat their computers into submission, and get paid for it. I accepted, and handed over my National Insurance number card.

So it was that last Monday, the 13th of February, at the age of 23 years and 359 days, I finally embarked on my first regular paid employment, having got myself the position without showing a CV or wearing a single tie - which is good, because I hate having anything tight around my neck - and I spent the day counting compression fittings for copper pipe, and setting the digital records straight as to which supplier we buy them from, what re-order codes they use, how many of each item we had (the database said we had -120 ish of some things!), how much they cost, and various other facts and figures.

My excuse for having not written a blog post in over two weeks centres around the aforementioned fact that I've spent seven days at the DIY shop. On top of that, I spent half a Saturday in Kent for Josh's birthday, followed by a Wednesday morning at the church, moving the sound desk across the room with all the rewiring and stuff that entailed, followed immediately by having Tim staying for three-and-a-half days, involving some pretty late nights, and concluding with my own birthday do. Which didn't leave much time for sitting down here to tell the world what I've been up to.

That's not to say I haven't made any progress on creative output. I mentioned around the middle of last month that I'd written the pilot script for a new animated series, and I've now got four scripts in the can - the first three written on my own, and the fourth co-written with Tim last week. The show is called Papercuts, and I'm planning to start dialogue recordings and animation tests in the near future.

That's a beginning, but I've also been getting close to a finish line: I'm nearly at the end of the storyline in my short Cylinder and Miserable spin-off series, which I'm hoping to complete soon and publish at the end of this month and/or the beginning of March.

- The Colclough

Welcome to Our Universe

2012-02-03T19:48:00.000Z

As I said in the post title, welcome to our universe. "Our" as in "Mine, Tim's and Sarah's", and "Universe" as in "Universe XGT". We're not entirely sure what the "XGT" bit stands for, but it doesn't really matter that much. It's a convenient collective handle for our shared fictional space, home to some 30-odd sapient species, and venue for much hitherto-private amusement. The occasional snippet of UXGT has leaked out into public view, mainly in the form of stopmotion short films such as Alpha One's Laser Cafe and The Probe Has Succeeded, but most of it has stayed under wraps... until now.

Well, we decided lately that perhaps we should share some of the more interesting bits of UXGT with the wider world, and to that end we've set up a new blog over at http://uxgt.blogspot.com, where we intend to publish assorted UXGT-related stuff in no particular order and on no particular schedule. We'll write what we feel like writing when we feel like writing it.

Over the last two or three months I've been drawing a series of pictures, trying to define the look of some of the major races (and a fair few minor ones along the way), and the other day I finally ticked the last major one off my 'do' list and scanned my sheaf of papers. Tim and I have agreed that the best way to start off the proceedings would be to write a series of posts introducing the most important alien species one at a time, illustrating the point withe my drawings. I thought I'd start off with someone you might have seen before:

Recognise this chap?

That would be Odom the Grud, from The Probe Has Succeeded (he also stars in Arbitrary Stopframe episodes 1 and 8, but those don't count as part of UXGT canon). What's a Grud, then, you might be asking? Now's your chance to find out: the following is a reduced edition (a trailer, if you like) of the species intro...

The Species of Universe XGT: the Gruds

The Gruds are a fairly widespread race, with five eyes, orange to yellow skin, and a very stocky build. They originated in the Drav galaxy, later spreading across many others including the capital worlds of Vomo and Sardastian. The species is responsible for some of the universe's largest mining and heavy-industry operations.

Although they are usually lacking in aesthetic taste, and have minimal appreciation for culture, the Gruds are nevertheless a welcome part of intergalactic society, as they are intelligent and industrious, most of them being scientifically minded. Many of the universe's great technological achievements can be attributed to this unattractive but very productive species. Out of the small minority of Gruds who do not find a vocation in science or engineering, most tend to work in defence or security positions, for which they are ideally suited due to their imposing physique and no-nonsense mindset.

If you wanted to summarise the entire species in one word, it would have to be 'pragmatists'. For example, they have no concept of romance, and instead of proposing marriage on their knees using an expensive piece of jewellery, they are more likely to remain standing up, say something along the lines of "I have made many calculations, and I believe it would be mutually advantageous for us to enter a marriage agreement" - and then illustrate the point with a spreadsheet.

Species facts & figures

Homeworld: First Dabox, Forrad starsystem, Drav galaxy
Other distribution: species controls approx 40 planets and has presence on numerous others
Biology: placental but non-mammalian warm-blooded vertebrates
Gestation: 10 months
Time to maturity: 20 years
Natural average lifespan: 100 years
Average adult height: 6-8 ft (F), 7-8 ft (M)
Language: Ballum
Currency: Tesseen

You can read the full version of the introduction on the UXGT blog at http://uxgt.blogspot.com/2012/02/species-profile-grud.html

- The Colclough

Those 22 Things That Started With 'B'

2012-02-03T11:40:00.000Z

It's been a while since I posted "22 Questions, 1 Clue", and I reckon it's about time I told you the answers.

Which primary colour has the least number of cone cells in the human eye? Blue
What is the second-highest rank in the Anglican clergy? Bishop
Which is the largest country in South America? Brazil
What type of temporary skin defect is likely to appear after a burn? Blister
What Russian group, whose name means ‘the majority’, went on to become the country’s Communist Party? Bolsheviks
What form of private transport was first developed by various European inventors in the early-mid 19th century? Bicycles
The Hebrew word for which creature was the basis of the name Deborah? Bee
Which sport, included in the Olympics since 1992, uses a shuttlecock? Badminton
Which UK county often has the word ‘Royal’ attached to its name? Berkshire
Which town in Hampshire contains Festival Place and The Anvil? Basingstoke
In British usage, what word refers to the hinged panel covering a car’s engine? Bonnet
What region of Germany is known, among other things, for its motor works? Bavaria - as in "BMW", i.e. "Bavarian Motor Works"
QUESTION DELETED on grounds of extreme obscurity - the answer was "Banana", but the way we got there was rather convoluted
QUESTION DELETED on grounds of extreme obscurity - the answer was "Bob the Fly"
What notorious incident took place in the Far East between 1898 and 1901? Boxer Rebellion
Which Sheffield-based confectioners first produced Liquorice Allsorts? Bassetts
Which classical composer carried on writing music despite going deaf? Beethoven (Ludwig van)
Which band is famous for, among other things, walking over a zebra crossing? the Beatles
Which animated film began life with the working title American Dog? Bolt
Natwest, Lloyds and HSBC are all what? Banks
In the Star Wars trilogy, what is the name of the bounty hunter who takes Han Solo to Jabba the Hutt’s palace? Boba Fett
What is the other common name of the mythical creature ‘Sasquatch’? Bigfoot
What city is the capital of Belgium? Brussels
What name is given to the lowest compartment in a ship, and to the water that collects there? Bilge

So there you have it. How well did you do?

- The Colclough

How to Lose a Race

2012-02-03T10:47:00.000Z

You might have noticed that I lost "First 12 for '12". As in, lost quite badly. The first two contenstants finished within three days, Tim claimed third place within two weeks... and it's taken me a month to finish. All the more embarrassing since I was the one who initiated the contest. I could try offering another selection box of excuses, but I'm not going to bother. Suffice to say that I couldn't get enough half-baked blogging ideas to metamorphose into finished posts fast enough.

I did have some posts planned. Really. It just took a while (or several whiles) to work out the details. "Godzilla Versus" was one of them, and I'm hoping you'll get to see another two pretty soon, including the answers to "22 Questions, 1 Clue". But in the meantime, I thought I should end the race with an illustrated acknowledgement of my defeat. So I tried to do a quick drawing of the podium... but it all went horribly wrong, so I gave up and decided to settle for verbal acknowledgement instead.

Just you wait. 2013 will happen (the Mayans have nothing to do with it, trust me), and "First 13 for '13" will be a whole different contest! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAHH!!!

My final statistics for the end of the race:

First 12 for '12 status: 12 down, 0 to go. All finished.
Latest book read: still working through 1 Kings in the KJV. Now, Solomon's successor is dead too.
Latest film/TV watched: a Ren and Stimpy episode (can't remember which one came last)
Latest music listened to: Indaco by Ludovico Einaudi
Latest edible item eaten: toasted hot cross bun, and cowjuice
Predominant colour of clothes: the old blue and grey, this time with a white t-shirt underneath
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Create Post; Blogspot Dashboard; MatNav 6.1), Skype; Windows Media Player 11
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

Godzilla Versus

2012-02-02T16:45:00.000Z

Out of all the presents I was given this last Christmas, certainly the most unexpected and possibly the most educational was the Godzilla DVD I was sent by Sam (thank you again, Sam). Not Roland Emmerich's ill-received 1998 reboot, or even the American re-edit of the original film, but the actual Japanese Godzilla of 1954, just the way it was seen in the cinemas of Tokyo 58 years ago (except with English subtitles, which were quite useful as I don't speak a word of Japanese). I'm a big proponent of director's cuts, and getting to see such an iconic film in its unadulterated form was quite exciting.

The thing is, though, in many ways I didn't think it felt like a six-decade-old film. Okay, so it was made in black-and-white 4:3 at a time when widescreen and colour cinematography were all newfangled and prohibitively expensive, some of the acting does have a theatrical broadness of movement to it (mind you, nowhere near as much so as Metropolis, which I've also seen restored to very nearly its original cut), and some of the VFX shots do show their age, but in many other respects Godzilla held up incredibly well. All the more impressive, of course, considering that it was made in a country that had nearly been wiped off the face of the earth less than ten years before. The pacing is much quicker than most contemporary films I've seen, and the score actually sounded like proper music. So many Hollywood composers of the same period seemed to think that film music was all about making the orchestra sound as loud and overwrought as possible for as long as possible, sort of the musical equivalent of a massive string of exclamation marks without any words in between, which tended to result in a painful tuneless racket. Godzilla, on the other hand, has music which actually works as music, and uses dynamic markings other than super-mega-fortissimo.

Anyway... long introduction aside: there are 27 sequels, many of them titled Godzilla vs [insert name here], and although I haven't seen the sequels their titles provided the idea for the rest of this post, namely "what if I wrote a series of Godzilla vs [whatever] titles, pitting the King of the Monsters against other sci-fi franchises, and summarised what I thought might happen?"

For those who remain ignorant in spite Sam's ongoing efforts to educate the world about kaiju movies, Godzilla is (according to the films) basically a prehistoric 150(ish)-foot-tall reptilian monster which was disturbed from its sea-floor lair by American nuke tests in the Pacific circa 1954, and has spent the next few decades rampaging around the world - although focussing mostly on Japan - crushing buildings, setting fire to stuff with its nuclear death ray, and battling other enormous beasts. It's also worth noting that it's impervious to pretty much every weapon known to man.

I'll admit I did start to deviate away from sci-fi as I went along, but for what it's worth, here goes my list of as-yet-nonexistent Godzilla Versus films, with brief summaries of the outcomes:

Godzilla vs Doctor Who: Godzilla is a fixed point in time (obviously), so the Doctor can't interfere. He rescues a handful of people in the TARDIS before it's too late. The Daleks on the other hand, probably do try and interfere because they can't bear the thought that someone else is better at exterminating than they are, but they don't last long.
Godzilla vs Star Wars: Sidious deploys Force lightning, Godzilla deploys atomic death ray. Both fry, but Sidious probably gets the worst of it.
Godzilla vs Star Trek: we have a bit of a problem with geography here. The Godzilla films (as far as I'm aware) take place mostly in Japan, and Star Trek takes place mostly in outer-space locations that aren't Japan, so I'm not sure how the two would meet.
Godzilla vs Avatar: I guess the Na'vi would try and form a symbiotic bond with Godzilla, like they do with every other species on their planet, but something tells me it wouldn't work. Sooner or later, Hometree Mk II would get rampaged and burnt.
Godzilla vs Jurassic Park: no, even Dennis Nedry knows better than to steal that embryo!
Godzilla vs The Matrix: the Machines accidentally wake Godzilla, and their empire is destroyed within a few weeks. Those Sentinels don't stand a chance against the atomic death ray. The interesting part of the question is, how would the humans' brains deal with the collapse of the Matrix infrastructure? Mind you, what with them all being disconnected from reality and stuff, they'd probably have a hard time evacuating, so they'd all get bumped off pretty quick amid the rampages. Which makes the question a bit redundant.
Godzilla vs Thunderbirds: Godzilla destroys Tokyo (again), but not before the Tracey brothers evacuate everybody. Derek Meddings has a field day blowing stuff up for the cameras. Oh, wait... he did that on most Thunderbirds episodes anyway. Never mind.
Godzilla vs Top Gear: the presenters are told to meet in Tokyo to shoot a Japan special, but Godzilla turns up just when they're supposed to start filming. Clarkson escapes by modifying the daylights out of his car to make it do 250mph. Hammond has already got emotionally attached to his motor and is unwilling to modify it to speed it up, so he can't get away quick enough and he gets stomped. May survives because he can't read maps and he never got to Tokyo in the first place. He is eventually discovered, five years later, slowly orbiting a roundabout a few miles west of Edinburgh.
Godzilla vs Sherlock: Sherlock becomes the only person in the universe ever to talk the King of the Monsters out of doing a rampage. Godzilla acknowledges Sherlock's intellect as a fellow force of nature. He eats Moriarty instead.
Godzilla vs Tony Blair: Tony is such an amateur. That Iraq fiasco, and all. Godzilla shows him how to invade and destroy a country properly - and hopefully he then burns Blair to a crisp for good measure.
Godzilla vs Tesco: Godzilla still destroys everything, but this time there are plenty of handy carrier bags he can use to take home some souvenirs from the trip.
Godzilla vs Root Hill: don't worry, we've got Sam on our side. He knows all Godzilla's tricks, so he can tell us all how to survive the attack. Sorted.

Okay, yeah... that might have got a bit strange towards the end, but it was quite fun to write =]

Statistics:

First 12 for '12 status: 11 down, 1 to go
Latest book read: still working through 1 Kings in the KJV. Solomon's dead.
Latest film/TV watched: Great British Railway Journeys
Latest music listened to: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End OST by Hans Zimmer
Latest edible item eaten: flapjack and coffee
Predominant colour of clothes: will you be surprised, even a tiny little bit, if I say blue and grey?
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Google Image Search; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1)
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

Happy days...

2012-01-25T15:52:00.001Z

The last 48 hours or so have been pretty good ones. Barring the ones I spent failing to get to sleep, that is 8p

The artwork is going well. I finished Stained Glass V on Saturday, started SG VI on Monday, and am very pleased with both. River III and untitled variations no. IV are also coming along more or less as planned. Piccies follow:

Stained Glass V (complete) & VI (WIP)

River III (WIP)

untitled variations no. IV (WIP)

Tim's been writing some music for one of my in-development animation projects, and it's very cool. Not ready to be shown off yet, but it's one more reason I'm chirpy at the moment.

My new Lego arrived last night. Made my evening, needless to say. And before you all start saying "but I thought you were almost 24..." - there's no such thing as "too much Lego" or "too old for Lego"; those are myths invented by boring people. I haven't had any new Lego in years, and I've tended to put Christmas and birthday money in savings, but this time round I decided I'd actually use some of the cash to buy something I wanted, so I ordered a custom-designed Lego set, with new equipment for Doctor Murkum's private militia.

Some of Murkum's men with their new uniforms, blasters and aircraft - the one in the blue fighter craft is Atkun, the chief engineer, and the one with the white top is Gonce, the cook.

The guinea pigs are gone. I always said they were a bad idea, and eventually everyone else (except Sophie, of course) has come round to my view on the topic. This morning, Ben and I were handed the offending rodents in a box and asked to take them for one last trip, in the general direction of an animal shelter on the far side of Wokingham.

I did get there in the end, no thanks to our satnav which spent the whole journey claiming it couldn't find a GPS signal, while I navigated using memory, road signs, and the odd atlas check by Ben. I decided I don't like driving in Wokingham. Too many confusing one-way streets and stuff. But that's not the point - the point is, it might have looked for about four months like I'd lost the debate, but as of today I have absolutely definitely won. No more pets bigger than a hamster in this house, I don't think.

Speaking of rodents: Dusty is quickly turning out to be a much better critter than the guinea pigs ever were. He's followed Scribbles' footsteps, quite literally, taking his first evening stroll around my desk on Monday. He tried nibbling all sorts of things (including the curtain), but fortunately seemed to decide he didn't like the taste of any of them. I did get a bit worried when he started showing an interest in some coins I'd left lying around, and it looked for a moment as if he was about to stuff a 20p in his cheek and never give it back, but then he changed his mind and waddled off to taste the speaker cable instead. He's incredibly similar to his predecessor, including having big tufts of hair growing out of his hips and making him look like some sort of overgrown fluffy earwig, and including a tendency to jump off the side of the desk and perform dusting services on the way down.

Statistics:

First 12 for '12 status: 10 down, 2 to go
Latest book read: part of 1 Kings from the KJV
Latest film/TV watched: Michael Palin's Sahara, part 2
Latest music listened to: Golden Cube OST (WIP) by Timothy Johnston
Latest edible item eaten: beefburger
Predominant colour of clothes: blue and grey on the outside; red t-shirt underneath
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook and Excel 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1), Windows Media Player 11, Skype
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

Excuses: A Luxury Assortment Pack

2012-01-17T19:20:00.001Z

Pick an excuse; any excuse. I've got loads for why I've lost "First 12 for '12" so badly, and you can take your pick as to which (if any) you feel like accepting. What follows is a list of other stuff I've been doing instead of winning my own blog race...

Drawing big geometric doodles with Sharpie pens - as mentioned earlier. Iteration 4 is now in progress. No Sharpie yet, but I've plotted out the basic forms in pencil, and so far it looks more like a grapefruit than anything else. Might show you a WIP photo eventually, but not yet.

Trying to design aliens - part of an ongoing (if intermittent) effort to work out what the major races of Universe XGT look like, in collaboration with Tim. The designs range from ones sprung entirely from my own imagination, via some intermediate co-designed ones, to a few species where Tim has said what they look like and I've taken it upon myself to interpret that in pencil. I've got one or two species presenting headaches at the moment, but once they're sorted out I might do a post featuring a selection of the drawings. Maybe. Watch this space.

Occasional cooking lessons - I haven't set fire to the kitchen yet, but I've had a go once or twice. This afternoon's masterclass was in the preparation of pasta bolognaise, which turned out more or less edible. However, I can't say I did it all myself, and I've got my doubts over whether it'd have been anywhere near as non-poisonous if I had.

Developing a bit of a musical superiority complex - I was given two CDs for Christmas, little sister got one too, and I have to say I think I got the better end of the deal, not just quantitatively but also qualitatively. She had something by some chap called Michael W. Smith - whose parents, I can't help thinking, were rather clumsy to have missed out the 'H.' that everyone knows should come between the 'W.' and the 'Smith', but that's another story. I had Jurassic Park OST by John Williams, and Karl Jenkins' Requiem. From what I've heard of MW(H)S, he sounds like just-another-pop-singer sort of thing, and I can't say I'm especially impressed.

Jurassic Park, on the other hand, is John Williams at his finest. If you let me count a whole film series (e.g. all six Star Wars episodes) as a single musical opus, then I'd probably say JP is outclassed by SW, and maybe also Indiana Jones, but in terms of musical achievement within a single film, I think I'd vote JP as Williams' masterpiece.

Requiem, meanwhile, is a bit of an odd album, but quite a fascinating one. It actually comprises two unrelated suites of music, setting three separate text cycles in a total of four languages (Latin, Japanese, Welsh and English, in order of appearance). The first, and by far the longer, of the two suites is the eponymous Requiem, and I've found it fascinating listening: considering that a Requiem, by definition, is a funerary work, a mass for the souls of the dead, it's a lot less sombre than you might expect. Elegaic in places, yes, but in the end it's actually rather uplifting.

Keeping up with Sherlock and stuff - I've seen episodes 1.1 and 1.2 twice each, and 1.3, 2.1 and 2.2 once each, plus read the script for 1.2, so my do-list for the rest of this week includes catching up on 2.3 before it goes off iPlayer on Sunday evening. Between Moffat and Gattiss writing at their best, and the brilliant casting and acting of Cumberbatch and Freeman, I've found all five episodes so far to be very good. Much looking forward to the next one. Before you ask, I can't make any comparison to the recent feature films, as I haven't seen those. But I can compare Sherlock to Doctor Who, and I'd say the latest series of S (so far) has been much more rewarding viewing than the latest series of DW.

Completing the Root Hill DVD 2011! - yes, at long last. The discs are in the post (well, most of them; I ran out of disc labels so the last few copies will be sent in a few days)... after four-and-a-half months in the planning and execution 8p

Writing the pilot script for a new animated series which might be the successor to Arbitrary Stopframe - when I laid AS Series 1 to rest back in December, I don't think I'd even come up with this idea. It grew out of the production of Smells Interesting a couple of weeks later if I remember right. The general concept is that it will feature three characters (new ones created specifically for the show), paper-cutout animation, and dialogue, with less emphasis on technical virtuosity relative to AS, and more emphasis on strange, random humour. Maybe as much as 2 or 3 minutes per episode. No idea how many episodes (if any) will end up getting made. We shall have to wait and see.

Statistics:

First 12 for '12 status: 9 down, 3 to go - I've lost. Oh well.
Latest book read: the end of 2 Samuel from the KJV
Latest film/TV watched: Middlemarch (1994 BBC version), part 6 of 6
Latest music listened to: Requiem by Karl Jenkins
Latest edible item eaten: that spag bol
Predominant colour of clothes: shabby blue-greys again
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook and Word 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post), Skype
Webcomics posted today: Fort Paradox Backstage

- The Colclough

Been Busy With the Ink Again

2012-01-11T19:54:00.001Z

I've been drawing and painting a bit more over the last few days. I finished Stained Glass IV on Friday; yesterday saw the production of another 19 episodes of Cylinder and Miserable Series 3, and today I started work on two new paintings (River III and Stained Glass V) and completed the third in my ongoing series of untitled circle-centric Sharpie-on-cartridge-pad super-doodles. I've got an idea for a possible name for the series, but I'm not saying anything until I've made up my mind whether I think it's a good one. And I drew a mexican in a spacesuit, which I'll leave Josh to explain.

Photos follow, at the usual exchange rate of 1 photo = 1k words.

Stained Glass IV (18" x 24", completed 6th January)

To be honest, that didn't really come out how I intended, which is part of the reason I'm doing an SG V, this time using my new tube of Process Cyan. But the relatives seemed to like it, as it disappeared off the kitchen table as soon as it was dry, and turned up again hanging off a nail in the stairwell, like so:

Stained Glass IV, A Dive in Blue and Open to Interpretation in situ on our staircase

untitled variations nos. I, II and III (all A2, completed circa October, 1 December and 11 January)

I already showed you variation I, but I re-posted the photo as a reminder of what came before. And I should point out that the different colouration is due to the light conditions when I took the photos - the papers and inks are actually identical. To some degree I see these three as a sort of trilogy, and although I have plans for a fourth instalment I suspect it'll be somewhat different to its predecessors.

SG V and River III aren't developed enough yet to be worth taking any photos of, so you'll just have to wait and see.

Statistics:

First 12 for '12 status: 8 down, 4 to go - I could try claiming I'm on 9, what with having written yesterday's Fort Paradox Backstage, but that wasn't on my main blog so it probably doesn't count, and I can't be bothered to quibble.
Latest book read: part of 2 Samuel from the KJV
Latest film/TV watched: Royal Institution Christmas Lectures 2011: Meet Your Brain, part 1
Latest music listened to: How to Train Your Dragon OST by John Powell, I think
Latest edible item eaten: jambolaya followed by coffee
Predominant colour of clothes: shabby blue-greys
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook, Word and Excel 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post), Skype
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

22 Questions, 1 Clue

2012-01-07T21:32:00.000Z

We've been doing this thing in my family over the last couple of months, where Mum gets a day off from cooking dinner, two of the rest of us plan and prepare a 3-course meal where as many ingredients as possible all start with the same letter, and the other two of us write and present a quiz themed around the same letter.

Today, we did the letter B, and I was on the quiz-writing side. And I thought, since I've gone to the trouble of writing a quiz, I may as well get my money's worth and put it on here for you lot to have a look at. I've deleted questions 13 and 14 because the answers were family in-references to start with, and then I worded question 14 so badly that none of the family knew what I was on about. So you get the other 22 questions to chew over, ranging from the very easy to the potentially excruciating.

You get one clue for the whole quiz: every single answer starts with the letter B. And you're not allowed to use Wikipedia except as a last resort!

Which primary colour has the least number of cone cells in the human eye?
What is the second-highest rank in the Anglican clergy?
Which is the largest country in South America?
What type of temporary skin defect is likely to appear after a burn?
What Russian group, whose name means ‘the majority’, went on to become the country’s Communist Party?
What form of private transport was first developed by various European inventors in the early-mid 19th century?
The Hebrew word for which creature was the basis of the name Deborah?
Which sport, included in the Olympics since 1992, uses a shuttlecock?
Which UK county often has the word ‘Royal’ attached to its name?
Which town in Hampshire contains Festival Place and The Anvil?
In British usage, what word refers to the hinged panel covering a car’s engine?
What region of Germany is known, among other things, for its motor works?
QUESTION DELETED on grounds of extreme obscurity
QUESTION DELETED on grounds of extreme obscurity
What notorious incident took place in the Far East between 1898 and 1901?
Which Sheffield-based confectioners first produced Liquorice Allsorts?
Which classical composer carried on writing music despite going deaf?
Which band is famous for, among other things, walking over a zebra crossing?
Which animated film began life with the working title American Dog?
Natwest, Lloyds and HSBC are all what?
In the Star Wars trilogy, what is the name of the bounty hunter who takes Han Solo to Jabba the Hutt’s palace?
What is the other common name of the mythical creature ‘Sasquatch’?
What city is the capital of Belgium?
What name is given to the lowest compartment in a ship, and to the water that collects there?

Statistics:

First 12 for '12 status: 7 down, 5 to go - past the half-way post
Latest book read: still A Brit Different
Latest film/TV watched: Wallace & Gromit's World of Invention
Latest music listened to: part of Adiemus II: Cantata Mundi by Karl Jenkins
Latest edible item eaten: chocolate
Predominant colour of clothes: reddish-brown
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post), Skype, Windows Media Player 11
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

Hello, You

2012-01-07T17:31:00.002Z

I seem to say that to hamsters a lot. Hello, you. And as of this afternoon, we've got another hamster for me to say it to.

I've just come downstairs from watching Scribbles' successor move into his new home. He's called Dusty, and is the spitting image of Scribbles two years ago - what with the similarity in appearance and the fact that we had both from the same pet centre, I can't help wondering if they're related. Is Dusty Scribbles' great-nephew or something? Who knows...

For the record, Dusty is Ben's third hamster, our seventh hamster overall, and our ninth rodent. Yes, I've been counting. Not sure exactly how old he is, but I'd hazard a guess of between one and two months.

I'm not allowed to handle him yet. Nobody is until at least Tuesday, and even then it should really only be Ben and only very carefully. I don't even have a photo to show you. But I thought that his arrival should be noted here anyway.

The big thing for me, of course, is that I hope Dusty will continue the tradition of Ben's hamsters not biting me. I'm quite fond of that tradition, as you might imagine. I've forgiven Taffy for her toothy debut, but I still hope it won't be repeated. We'll have to wait and see.

Oh, and I wonder if Dusty will continue Scribbles' habit of going to the toilet behind my monitor?

Me Stats:

First 12 for '12 status: 6 down, 6 to go - half-way to securing fourth place, I guess
Latest book read: still A Brit Different
Latest film/TV watched: Wallace & Gromit's World of Invention
Latest music listened to: can't remember
Latest edible item eaten: bit of chocolate; banoffee pie before that
Predominant colour of clothes: blues and greys
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook and Word 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1, twice; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post), Skype
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

Live, Let Live, and Draw Weird Stuff

2012-01-06T22:10:00.000Z

Just left a conversation (which I was mostly spectating) between Mum and Granddad about politics, colonialism, terrorism, news bias, and a lot of other cheerful stuff. Was getting a bit down. Thing is, there's all this miserable stuff in history where people decided to go and smite and conquer each other and set up empires and dominate the known world and all that, and the discussion inevitably turns to all the bloodshed involved in the colonial process, and every time the topic is raised it leaves me with two main feelings: "That's grim," and "But why?"

Seriously, what's the point in conquering other people and building an empire? You'll only make people hate you.

I have no interest in conquering other bits of planet earth, really. Okay, so it's fun to hypothesize about the weird and wonderful reforms I might wreak if I found myself in charge of the universe, but back in the real world, in all honesty I don't want to be bothering my head about the politics of other countries. I'm perfectly happy to leave [insert name of country here] to do whatever [insert name of country here] wants to do, and get on with my own life. I've seen a bit of India, for example, and I can't for the life of me see why my misguided ancestors made such a big deal out of being in charge of the blasted place. You know what? I don't want India. I really, truly don't want it. Umpteen miles away, far too hot, and full of virulent diseases and sacred beef. As far as I'm concerned, the Indians can keep India. I just want a little corner of this understated, soggy, weatherbeaten grey-green rock we call England, where I can keep myself to myself and write strange webcomics. That's all I ask. No empires here, ta.

Sorry if that was a bit depressing. Wanted the catharsis after the chirpy conversation. Will try to be more entertaining next time.

Stats from the Back of the Field:

First 12 for '12 status: 5 down, 7 to go - the gap has split wide open again, and I don't stand a chance of anything better than 3rd place, but oh well 8p
Latest book read: still A Brit Different
Latest film/TV watched: still Sherlock
Latest music listened to: can't remember
Latest edible item eaten: chilli con carne, then coffee
Predominant colour of clothes: blues and greys, blues and greys...
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1)
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

Preview Time for the Third Time

2012-01-05T23:09:00.000Z

Root Hill 2011 was my sixth year attending the camp, and my third time as official videographer. As per last year, I documented events with my Sony camera, and edited the footage in Sony Vegas. Yes, there's a bit of a Sony theme going on there, despite the fact that Dad works for arch-rivals Samsung. And as per both of the previous years I videoed (2008 and 2010), I have made a little trailer.

It's a bit different to my last two Root Hill on Camera trailers, this time using a pared-down "less is more" approach. But I think that's a good thing, as it wouldn't do to just keep repeating the same old ideas and let them go stale. Those of you who weren't there will probably be hopelessly confused, but for those who were: I hope you'll enjoy it.

Two things to watch out for in the trailer:

Josh's reduced afro.
The Mistake. There's at least one 'error' that I'm aware of, but I decided I liked it so I let it stay. I'll be interested to see if any of you can work out what I'm on about.

Just a bit of DVD menu authoring and disc burning to go, and then it's on to the post & packaging!

Okay, there wasn't much text in this post. But then again, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, and Vegas tells me there are 2376 frames in this video, which - at least in theory - means it's worth approximately 2.4 million words. And I think there should be bonus points awarded for Root-Hill-relatedness, maybe...

Statisticables, again:

First 12 for '12 status: 4 down, 8 to go - still at the back, but closing the gap
Latest book read: still A Brit Different
Latest film/TV watched: still Sherlock
Latest music listened to: Ode to Jim by Phil & Has, as featured in the Root Hill on Camera 2011 trailer
Latest edible item eaten: still that hot chocolate
Predominant colour of clothes: same stuff as earlier today
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

Sucrose, in All its Glory

2012-01-05T22:15:00.000Z

Oh, giddy aunt, this is going badly. As in badly badly. At the time of writing, everyone else is on at least 5 posts (within less than 48 hours of the kickoff - they're all rabidly obsessed with this thing!), and I'm trailing the field with a rather dismal 2. So here goes me, notching up my third post in a pathetic bid to regain at least a small shred of dignity before Sam, Hannah and Tim wipe me off the face of the blogosphere...

I'm going to talk about sugar this time. I had a few different chocolates and things as Christmas presents, and now I intend to bore you, distract you or whatever by waffling on about them. Confectionery as a form of revenge...

...no, wait, I don't think that's going to serve it cold, is it. Never mind, I'll just write the stuff anyway.

First arrival: jelly babies.

These turned up at the foot of my bed on the morning of the 25th. I've always liked jelly babies. More often than not, I will eat a single one in up to half a dozen very small bites, usually starting with the head and/or the feet. This habit tends to annoy the relatives. But as I see it, half a dozen smaller bits of jelly baby lasts up to half a dozen times as long as one full-sized jelly baby, so I get more for my money.

Second arrival: chocolate orange segments.

I can't remember who gave me the first box, but I've ended up with two. Good job I like chocolate orange.

The second box also has a WHSmiths voucher inside, because I decided the chocolate box was probably the safest place for it at the time as the box is big enough for me not to lose it easily.

Third arrival: dolly mixtures.

If you thought it was bad that I can eat a jelly baby in multiple bits, you've got another think coming: I can and will even do the same thing to a dolly mixture. In fact, to prove a point, I recently halved one, eating one of the two pieces at each stage, until I ended up with 1/1024th of a dolly mixture. I should point out that I don't normally take it to that extreme; as I said, I was proving a point.

I've been keen on dolly mixtures for even longer than jelly babies, I think, and so much so that I've got a CGI short film in development about a robot that works in a dolly-mixture factory. I'll keep you posted on that one.

Fourth arrival: little anonymous chocolate pencil thing.

Can't comment on it as I haven't eaten it yet.

Fifth arrival: Whittards cinnamon hot chocolate.

Like ordinary hot chocolate powder, but with added cinnamon. Had 3 mugs so far. Very nice.

Sixth arrival: miniature Snickers and Bounty bites out of somebody else's Celebrations packs.

Siblings wanted to trade for some of my chocolate orange bits, and I got the Snickers and the Bounties because the siblings aren't so keen on those ones.

Seventh arrival: a Double Decker bar.

I'm quite partial to these things, but hardly ever get one ('hardly ever' as in one or two a year at best), so it was a very pleasant surprise when Cat left one on my desk for me this afternoon.

I think that covers all the edible stuff I've currently got on my desk (no, wait - there's also a tiny, very random packet of salt. Don't ask; I don't know any more). And hopefully means I'm losing horribly by one less post.

Which of those seven do you like best?

You Can Put Numbers on Failure:

First 12 for '12 status: 3 down, 9 to go - now trailing the field by two posts
Latest book read: still A Brit Different
Latest film/TV watched: still Sherlock
Latest music listened to: still the Karl Jenkins stuff
Latest edible item eaten: another hot chocolate (mint one this time)
Predominant colour of clothes: same stuff as earlier today
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook and Word 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; Blogspot Dashboard; my previous post; Sam's blog; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

Mugs Illustrated

2012-01-05T15:12:00.001Z

I was sitting here just now, staring blankly at a "Create Post" screen and wondering what to fill it with, and absently finishing the dregs of my mid-morning coffee out of a new "I ♥ Spreadsheets" mug I had for Christmas, when the mug supplied a spark of inspiration.

I'm afraid you're about to read a summary of my mug collection. But don't worry, there'll be pretty pictures to distract you and ease your suffering.

Mug #1: the one on the front of my skull

(Wait, did I say "pretty pictures to ease your suffering"? My apologies; I might have worded that one a bit wrong.)

I've had this one for 24 years (albeit with some alterations, e.g. shaving the stubble, picking zits, etc), and it's still doing good service. At least, it is from my point of view. Whether you lot think it's any good is another question.

Okay, that one was a bit facetious. (Did you spot that terrible pun? Face... Face-tious? Never mind...) The rest of the mugs listed here will be the usual, ceramic, liquid-holding variety. Honest.

Mug #2: the one with the cartoon ark on it

This was the oldest ceramic mug that actually belongs (or rather, belonged) to me. I won it as the prize in a Sunday School competition when I was living in Cardiff, probably in 1994 ish. It faded over the years to the point where the picture was practically indistinguishable, and the surface started getting that funny texture some old mugs have which makes you doubt their ongoing ability to hold liquids properly. I don't have a photo, as it got put in the bin over Christmas to make room for new acquisitions.

Also, I'd been gradually developing misgivings over the engineering (and theological) implications of the cartoon ark. This article here summarises the school of thought on Ark design which I subscribe to.

Mug #3: the Romanian one

I had a mug once which I acquired at one of those missionary craft sale whatsits, for about £1. Apparently it was made in Romania. I have no idea what happened to it, but I haven't seen it in years.

Mug #4: the one with Tigger on it

There are two things you need to know, in order for this one to make any sense:

I am not a morning person. I don't exist before 9 am, unless persecuted by an alarm clock.
some people don't subscribe to the concept of breakfast, but I am not one of those people. Eats are usually my first priority after leaving the duvet, and the ritual usually features a large mug of cowjuice.

Apparently the parents didn't realise this mug had Tigger on the back; they bought it for me as a joke because it says 'bounce' on the front, which is a suitably ironic slogan for me to stare at during brekky. I don't mind Tigger though.

Mug #5: the one that drops unsubtle hints about my taste in films

Not sure when or where we acquired this one, and it technically isn't mine, but Cat left it behind when she moved out and now I'm usually the one that uses it, so it gets an honourary mention on my list. And I do like the Lord of the Rings trilogy, so that's worked out well.

Mug #6: the one with the phantom koala

I sent my parents and siblings all the way to Australia just to get me a Taronga Zoo Sydney mug. True story. Sorta. Sadly it hasn't stood up well to the test of time (or more to the point, it hasn't stood up well to repeated trips through the dishwasher) and the koala photo has turned into a wraith, but the mug still works as a mug in spite of its ghostly markings.

Mug #7: the one that asserts my authority as the IT expert

I have a soft spot for this one. Partly because of the size and shape, and partly because little sister has been known to take the instruction on the back at face value, and actually bow down to my superior knowledge.

Mug #8: the big blue one

Does what it says on the tin, really. It's big. It's also blue. TARDIS blue, more or less. It alternates on an irregular basis with Tigger (because they're the two largest mugs I've got) as my vessel of choice for taking the morning cowjuice.

Mug #9: the stripey one

Again, does what it says on the tin. Has stripes. Nice, big, obvious ones, just to emphasise that yes, this is a really, genuinely stripey mug. Might have been a Christmas present last year.

Mug #10: the handmade one

I acquired this one as a Christmas present, having chosen it at a craft fair the family and I went along to back in November. Since they're handmade, no two are quite the same, so I spent a fair while picking different ones up and trying to simulate how the various handles would feel while I clutched a coffee. Don't worry, I stopped short of actually putting them in my mouth. I don't think that would have made the potter very happy.

I then forgot about the mug, and was pleasantly surprised to rediscover it inside one of my presents last week.

Mug #11: the one that admits I'm an Excel junkie

Another Christmas present. It says "I ♥ Spreadsheets" (as you probably noticed in the photo), and that's absolutely true. I love collecting useless information and putting it into big, colour-coded Excel files - you should see the sheet I've made to calculate arcane statistics re: Fort Paradox...

Stats:

First 12 for '12 status: 2 down, 10 to go - reduced to third place 8p
Latest book read: A Brit Different: A Guide to the Eccentric Events and Curious Contests of Britain
Latest film/TV watched: Sherlock 2.1: A Scandal in Belgravia
Latest music listened to: Assorted things by Karl Jenkins (I think Requiem, In These Stones Horizons Sing, Diamond Music, and Adiemus IV: The Eternal Knot in that order)
Latest edible item eaten: Doritos, and coffee
Predominant colour of clothes: same stuff as yesterday
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; my previous post; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1; Tim's latest post; Sam's blog)
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

513044

2012-01-04T12:23:00.000Z

The starting gun has fired! Registration is closed, and at least half of the four contestants have already hit the ground running. I suspected in advance that Hannah would be writing in the small hours of this morning, which she did, but I didn't expect the same from Tim - who did anyway. Sam hasn't posted anything for the challenge yet, but something tells me he probably will do very soon.

So I'd better catch up on this "First 12 for '12" thing, hadn't I...

I thought I'd have a bit of a ramble about Christmas while it's still relatively early in the year (just had a conversation with Mum about what we did on the evening of the 25th, and we're already struggling to remember). That's where the cryptic blog title comes in.

For a large chunk of Advent, we had a cardboard box, about 3' x 2'1" x 3", stood on the middle landing half-way up our stairs, with no markings except the number "513044" hand-written on it in red ink. It was taken for granted that it was a Christmas present, and no more questions were asked (at least not openly), but it exercised my curiosity for a good couple of weeks before disappearing shortly before Christmas Eve.

For assorted reasons, we ended up having our 'family Christmas' on Tuesday the 27th, so that was when 513044 came out of the woodwork. Turned out it was for me, and it contained two 24"-square canvases, two 14" x 10" ones, and three new paints: process cyan, process magenta, and process black - yes, I do have other, non-process colours. So later on in the morning I beetled off into the kitchen, put one of the 14x10s on the table, and started slathering it with the cyan and a titanium white (which my grandparents had given me on Christmas Day along with three 16x12 canvases), with the odd streak of the magenta. The result isn't exactly a realist masterpiece, but I was mainly interested in seeing how the new pigments would behave, and the answer to that question is that they did exactly what I wanted them to do, which was a pleasant change after the odd behaviour of some of my other acrylics (I'm looking at you, mars black). Here's a piccy:

Pick a Day, Any Day - 14" x 10", Tuesday 27 December 2011

The title came about partly because of the resemblance between this canvas and one of its predecessors, Another Day, combined with its similarity to the 'water vortex' in the promotional material which preceded the release of Doctor Who Series 5 with the accopmanying tagline "All of time and space - where do you want to start?". Somehow, all those notions found their way into my brain at once, and got conflated into a title for the painting.

I have plans for how to use at least one each of the 24x24s and the 16x12s, plus Stained Glass IV and a third untitled variations drawing already in progress, so hopefully you can look forward to (or dread, I guess) being exposed to some more photos of my artistic output over the next few weeks, as 513044 comes into its own.

Stats:

First 12 for '12 status: 1 down, 11 to go - the same as almost everybody else in the running
Latest book read: A Brit Different: A Guide to the Eccentric Events and Curious Contests of Britain
Latest film/TV watched: The Gathering Storm
Latest music listened to: Diamond Music by Karl Jenkins, preceded by his Requiem and In These Stones Horizons Sing
Latest edible item eaten: I had a shortbread cookie for breakfast
Predominant colour of clothes: blue/grey (the old story)
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Fort Paradox offline archive; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1)
Webcomics posted today: n/a

- The Colclough

Gauntlet Meets Floor

2012-01-02T16:20:00.000Z

Okay, new year. 2012 is go. And I think it might be time for another blogging challenge.

This time last year, Hannah Newcombe and I were kicking off a blog race called "First 11 for '11", the idea being that the first one to write their first 11 posts for the new year would win.

Hannah won.

...so I'm calling a rematch. I should probably have posted this sometime in December, but it got squeezed out in all the Christmas rush, so I'm posting it now instead. The point is: I hereby challenge Hannah, and anybody else who wants to join the bandwagon, to write their "First 12 for '12". The entry criteria are very simple:

You must be me, Hannah, or somebody else who knows me. Yes, Sam, that means you're eligible to join in. (*fixes spelling* - I hate the word 'eligible', by the way; I always seem to misspell the darn thing)
You'll need a blog (obviously). If you don't have one but would like to join in, then you are allowed to start a blog for the purposes of participating in this challenge. You'll find the people at www.blogger.com helpful, especially if you've already got a Google account.

The rules are pretty simple too:

You must register your participation by leaving a comment on this post. Unless you're Hannah, that is, in which case your participation is compulsory because you haven't posted in more than 3 months and it's about time somebody got you back to da blog.
You must write 12 substantial and meaningful blog posts in the shortest possible timeframe, starting with a clean slate at or after 0000.01 hours on the morning of Wednesday 4 January 2012 (this post doesn't count, as it wouldn't be fair for me to get a head start like that). You're allowed to start having ideas for your posts before midight, but not to start writing them up. The 'substantial and meaningful' clause means that Twitter-style micro-posts don't count, and each post has to comprise a minimum of a few paragraphs' worth on an interesting topic, or at least a paragraph each on several smaller topics.
You must include some statistics at the end of each post: compulsory stats include your Challenge status (i.e. how many "First 12 for '12" posts you've written, including the current one), Latest book read (or currently reading), Latest film/TV watched, Latest music listened to, Latest edible item eaten/drunk, Predominant colour(s) of the clothes you're wearing at the time of writing, and Programs and web pages currently open on your computer. Plus anything else you want to add.
You must leave at least one comment on each post that is written as part of the challenge by any of your rivals.
First to 12 wins.

There you have it.

And now, having challenged people, I suppose I'd better start having some ideas on what to write myself...

- The Colclough

Darlan in Motion, Take 2

2011-12-21T10:22:00.000Z

I've finished a second paper-cutout short film starring George Darlan, alien inventor and philanthropist. It's a bit more complex than its predecessor, technically speaking, but not so different in terms of the type of humour involved. Here, without further ado, is the clip:

Total production time on this one was more than a week, including writing up the script (which I didn't even bother doing last time as it was so short). The parent webcomic Brothers in Shells is still at http://brothersinshells.webs.com.

Since I finished the film, the word 'trilogy' has presented itself to my brain, but I have no ideas whatsoever for a third story at this stage. I won't be rushing into making a third film for the sake of it, but I'd be open to doing one if I came up with a decent gag.

- The Colclough

One Less Light

2011-12-13T16:23:00.000Z

Farewell, Scribbles - best of rodents and last of the Intergalactic Hamsters. Thanks for everything. Rest in peace.

~~~ Scribbles ~~~

August 2009 - 13 December 2011

- The Colclough

That Concludes That

2011-12-03T16:22:00.000Z

After ten months in the making, I can finally lay Arbitrary Stopframe to rest. Episode 13, the finale to the group of episodes which I'm calling 'Series 1', is now out on YouTube not just once, but twice.

Monster Movie was guest-written about two months ago by Root Hill veteran and Godzilla buff Sam Arthur, and I've kept it back on purpose because I thought it was one of the better stories/jokes the series has had, and I wanted to make it the closing instalment to send the show off with a bang. The prospect of Murkum running for his life from a giant, angry DVD amused me.

For the pun to work, the DVD obviously had to be a monster movie. I might have used my copy of Jurassic Park, but I'd loaned it to a friend, and I'm not sure it counts as a 'monster movie' anyway, in the strictest sense. So I went on Amazon, and ended up with a copy of The Host, partly because I'd heard good things about it (including a review from Sam), and partly because at £3.99 it was the cheapest out of the ones I looked at. Which makes Episode 13 the only one with a budget greater than zero pence, and puts the average cost per episode so far at £1.07.61538461538461538461538461538. Or so my Windows calculator tells me.

Anyway, budget stats aside, here's the finished article:

And then, since I was in Monster Movie territory, I couldn't resist the urge to create a second version, turned monochrome and matted to 2.40:1 cinematic widescreen, as a homage to the monster films of old. Here's the result of that little tangent:

Judging by the commentary in his latest blog post, it seems that Sam is happy with how his script has translated onto the screen. Which is good, of course - if your writer isn't happy then you've probably got a problem!

Finally, one more video to round off the project: my sign-off blog, including a montage of some of my favourite moments from the series, and some waffly commentary on the show's future:

There you have it. End of Series 1.

- The Colclough

The Second Version Two

2011-11-30T19:19:00.000Z

After the untimely demise of the original prototype, and my horrible pyrographic gaffe in the creation of Mark II, I'm delighted to be able to report that the Binary Advent Candle Mk II I/II is finally finished and ready for ignition. Here's a piccy:

=]

- The Colclough

Not Having That One Come True

2011-11-26T18:28:00.000Z

I don't usually act on the content of my dreams. I usually disregard them within minutes of waking up, and proceed with my day as if the night's imagined shenanigans had never happened - which, of course, they actually never have (except as an illusion inside my dozy head).

But today, I made an exception to this generally-hard-and-fast rule.

I had a dream last night where I found myself unexpectedly in the middle of the next Root Hill camp (this might have been brought on by the fact that a booking form for said camp turned up in the post yesterday morning). For reasons nobody bothered to explain, the 'Root Hill' camp wasn't at Root Hill at all, but in some sprawling, very badly designed conference centre. But the main weight on my mind was that, what with it only being the end of November at the moment, this meant the event was taking place some nine months early, and I ended up trying (somewhat awkwardly) to explain to people that I was still working on the camp video from last time. I remember wondering what happened to all that editing time I should have had. All those months...

And then, after briefly catching sight of someone in my peripheral vision who may or may not have been Ellie off Countryfile, I woke up. And having woken up, I thought: no way to I want to let that happen.

So I fired up Sony Vegas after breakfast, and did some more work on the video. I've confronted the huge blob of football footage which I'd been dreading for weeks and I've beaten it into shape (I don't know why, but it always seems to be very easy to just stand there and let the camera roll and roll and roll when there's football going on, but it's never so much fun to watch the stuff back), and I've chosen a couple of little snippets from the concert to feature in the main highlights reel (not too much of it though, as the whole concert is included on the DVD as a separate video track), and I've tidied up most if not all of the odd loose-end clips that were scattered through my raw footage bin. Today has felt like a very definite slice of progress.

Whether or not you (the Root Hill-ers who ordered a DVD off me, that is) get to see the fruits of my labour this side of Christmas is still up in the air, but if you don't, then it'll hopefully not be too far into the new year.

- The Colclough

Sellotape Defeated

2011-11-23T16:40:00.000Z

I've been having a staring match with my sellotape dispenser, on and off, for the last two months. Since finishing Arbitrary Stopframe 11, basically. Thing is, I've been pretty darn sure it must be possible to do an Arbitrary Stopframe episode with sellotape, but I couldn't get the story to hold together.

But as of yesterday afternoon, I've won. At long, long last, I worked out what to do with the tape, and I've spent a large chunk of today shooting and editing the episode. Was it worth the wait? Dunno. I'll leave that for you lot to decide. Embed follows...

I could have made a 12th episode a while back, as I've had Sam Arthur's spec script sitting on my hard disk for a few weeks now. But I wanted to keep that back to use as the grand finale to the series, so it's been waiting around until I could sort out the sellotape. However, now that the obstacle of Episode 12 is out of the way, I'm hoping to film Sam's script as Episode 13 next week, and put the series on an indefinite hiatus.

In case anyone's panicking, reading that stuff about 'finale' and 'hiatus', I suppose I should clarify: I don't mean I'm permenantly terminating the series. I'm just going to take a deliberate several-month break (maybe multi-year, but I hope not), and if/when I restart the project then I'll probably make a couple of alterations, mainly moving away from my desk and finding a different location to work in - most likely the kitchen - as this would open up new possibilities for things the characters could interact with. It's been getting harder to keep coming up with the ideas, as there are only so many items on my desk that are animatable with.

And before you all go cold turkey on me, remember there's still Episode 13 to come before the hiatus...

- The Colclough

Gallery of the Analogue

2011-11-15T17:12:00.002Z

Okay, sorry about the wait - here's the aforementioned gallery of photos of my recent drawing and painting work.

First up, two attempts at a stylised depiction of a river. Both of these missed the stylistic mark I was aiming for, with the first veering off in one direction and the other then overcompensating. I'm planning to do a River III sometime, but I'll need to get my grubby mitts on another canvas first.

River I (10" x 10", completed 8th September)

River II (16" x 12", completed 19th October)

This one was done in a hurry, mainly to use up some watercolour which I'd mixed for Open to Interpretation (see below), only to find out that it wouldn't work on canvas and I'd have to go back to acrylics. Didn't want to waste all that paint though.

Yellow Morning (A2, completed 25th October)

This one is the first of multiple variations - although the only one completed so far - on the theme of the giant Sharpie doodle that forms the basis of my current wallpaper on A White Horizon. The big differences this time are the fact that the drawing developed in a slightly less haphazard way, and I did it on an A2 sheet of relatively pricey (and rather nice) 220gsm cartridge paper, instead of leftover wallpaper backing sheet as used last time.

untitled variations no. I (A2, completed sometime in October, I think)

I painted the background for this one back in May, and then it got buried and forgotten for months before I finally rediscovered and finished it the other day. The whole thing was more of a technical experiment than an attempt at expressing anything; in particular, I put the gold pen details in the corners to check that it would work on top of acrylics, as a precursor to using the pens on Open to Interpretation.

Coffee, Maybe? (~ 12" x 16", completed 7th November)

The big one! Not my largest painting by surface area (only my third-biggest canvas, if you count the square inches), but by far my most ambitious and detailed painting ever, and I think one of my most accomplished pieces of visual art in any medium. My kingfisher impression took nine days to paint, but that isn't counting the time spent sketching the composition in pencil, wandering up and down the River Blackwater absorbing the atmosphere and analysing the colours, and generally sitting around staring at the canvas and mentally plotting next moves. Not to mention that those nine days were spread out across a period of five-and-a-half months, during which several other, smaller projects came and went.

A Dive in Blue (32" x 12", completed 7th November, after almost half a year in the making)

Details from A Dive in Blue, L-R: tree trunk, background vegetation, kingfisher, oak branch

The latest completed piece: a re-interpretation of a pen-and-watercolour-on-wallpaper-backing abstract I created circa June 2009, this time with pen and acrylics on canvas. Possibly my smelliest work, as the gold and silver inks really pong when they're wet, but fortunately it's stopped smelling now that they're dry. Also my largest canvas to date, at 24 inches squared. The painting takes its name from the fact that every other person who looks at it seems to interpret it differently - is it something on fire? Is it a flower? Is it supposed to be an optical illusion? I don't know myself; I just painted it, and I'm happy for people to make of it what they will.

Open to Interpretation (24" x 24", completed this morning - 15th November)

And finally, a couple of things that I've made a start on in the last couple of weeks, but not got very far with. I've also sanded down the second of my four ex-cupboard-door boards ready for sketching or painting on, but I haven't decided yet what to do with it, and I didn't think it was worth showing you a bare board with some scuff marks on it, hence the lack of photo.

untitled variations no. II (A2, work in progress, begun 1st November)

Stained Glass IV (18" x 24", work in progress, begun 7th November)

I'll try not to let such a big backlog build up next time 8p

- The Colclough

Pyrography Tips for Fallible People

2011-11-14T22:13:00.000Z

Here's a free bit of life advice for you: before sticking that screaming-hot metal poker into the wood and gouging and burning the letters "VI" into the surface, always make sure you really do want to write "VI", not "IV". Cause, y'know, if you're trying to make a new Binary Advent Candle, for example, then you might find that the correct marking for the middle hole is "IV" after all.

Not "VI".

I especially recommend that you check your Latin number-spelling before you spend ages doing all the elaborate designs around the candle holes. Not after, which I did, and which made it all that much worse.

And that's how my productive deed for this evening ended: very badly, with the sickening realisation that "VI" doesn't spell "4". Accompanied by a little wisp of pine smoke.

- The Colclough

Mostly Serkis

2011-11-11T11:21:00.001Z

Went to see The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn with the family last night. Mostly enjoyed it.

We used to go to the Odeon in Bracknell until three years ago, when a new Vue opened in Camberley, much closer to home. My last 15 cinema trips (I keep notes, odd as that may seem) have all been to Camberley, but last night we broke the streak and went back to Bracknell, because Camberley were only showing Secret of the Unicorn at awkward times of day, and only in 3D, which none of us are that keen on.

Bracknell had changed a little bit, but not all that much. Still more or less how I remembered it. Seats less comfortable than the ones we've got used to in Camberley, but not enough to detract from the experience.

What did detract from the experience was the stuff in front of the film. I don't know if all cinemas are the same, but both of ours tend to show ads for non-film-related stuff, then film trailers, then the actual movie that you paid to see. Well, last night, all of the non-film ads were a load of utter dreck apart from one for McCain's chips, which avoided the usual food-ad cliche of focussing on a nauseously-grinning family eating the product for the whole runtime, and instead showed the chips being made and tested by little machines, designed mainly in the Heath Robinson tradition but with a bit of influence from WALL-E (which, coincidentally, was the last thing we saw at Bracknell before Camberley Vue opened). The trailers were, if anything, even worse. I'd already seen at least two different ones for Puss in Boots, which weren't that bad, but the one shown last night was terrible. There was one for Happy Feet 2: I don't know how the original won an Oscar for Best Animated Feature - 2006 must have been a REALLY bad year for animated films - and the sequel looks awful. There was one for Twilight six-and-a-half or whatever number they're up to now (I'm not sure, and I don't care, exactly how many have been released): it took me a few moments to realise what the trailer was for, but once I'd cottoned on I couldn't bring myself to keep looking at the screen. The risk of catching sight of Robert Pattinson's gormless undead mug again was too horrific. The only trailer that I liked was the one for Arthur Christmas - it's Aardman (see Chicken Run, Wallace & Gromit), and despite having never believed in Santa Claus, I was rather taken with the premise that his gift-delivery routine is actually achieved through an uber-high-tech pseudo-military organisation.

But eventually, the rubbish was out of the way, and they rolled the Spielberg. I must say it didn't make the best first impression - I thought the silhouette-cartoon opening-credits sequence, although decent enough in its own right, should have been kept until the end, and the film should have just got on with the story up front. The beginning just felt too slow to me, and the mini-plotline in the credits was a bit of a red herring relative to the main story that followed it.

Said main story, however, was very enjoyable. Steve Moffat was working on the first draft of the screenplay before being offered a job as head writer of Doctor Who, which shows, as the film had its fair share of wit and eccentricity, while Ben (who knows the comic books much better than I do) says they were pretty much faithful to the source material, albeit combining 2 or 3 of the 23 comic books into one film. Ben reckoned the ending counted as a cliffhanger, but I would disagree - yes, it leaves the door open for sequels (it was always the plan that they'd make a trilogy, with Spielberg helming the first film and Peter Jackson, of The Lord of the Rings, taking over for the second), but the film is a sufficiently self-contained story that you leave the cinema feeling like you've seen a whole film - unlike, for example, Matrix Reloaded or Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Which is quite a relief after Moffat's torturous obsession with cliffhangers in this year's series of Doctor Who.

The film's reviews were an interesting mix - mostly positive, but with one or two no-holds-barred savagings which mostly seemed to come from a luddite brigade who have never forgiven Computer-Generated Imagery for existing at all, let alone for being applied to feature films. Well, I'm not an anti-CGI luddite, and while I did think the motion-captured performances weren't always 100%, they scored a respectable enough 95. The show was stolen by Andy Serkis (better known for portraying Gollum through a similar mo-cap performance in the Rings trilogy) as Captain Haddock: easily the second-most-important character after the eponymous Tintin, if not the outright leading man in all but name; sober for approximately one minute of screentime; prone to impulsive, misjudged actions, and the source of a good two-thirds of the film's funniest and generally-best moments.

I feel I should mention the big action scene in the late second act which is executed in one, long, insanely complicated shot. Technically impressive, if nothing else, and interspersed with a fair bit of Haddock.

The score was serviceable, but I didn't leave the cinema humming the theme. It was definitely John Williams, but not John Williams on top form. Still - no pop songs in sight (or in sound), which I always see as a good thing in a film.

Overall, I'd probably give it 7/ or 8/10. See it for Haddock, if nothing else.

- The Colclough

P.S.: photo gallery of some recently-completed paintings coming soon!

My Hundred Days

2011-11-09T20:00:00.000Z

I've been racking my brains a bit trying to think of something special to do for my 100th post on A White Horizon. Hannah's done some interesting things for landmark posts, and I initially thought about offering my own take on one of those, but then I decided that the 'centenary' is too big a moment to settle for plagiarism.

On Monday night, I had an idea: a list of 100 of the most important/formative/memorable days of my existence. I've done some maths and worked out that I've been on this planet for 8664 days (plus however long I was in development pre-birth), so on average I need to pick just one day in every 87 to feature on this list. Here I go...

In chronological order:

Sometime in the second half of May 1987: conception. Psalm 51:5b, and all that.
18 February 1988: started being born.
19 February 1988: arrived at a hospital in Portsmouth, still inside Mum, and after 24 very unpleasant hours (I don't remember them, but Mum and Dad say they were terrible and I'm willing to bet I didn't enjoy them much either), I finished being born at about 22:45.
Early-mid March 1988: at the age of only 3 weeks, I moved house for the first of several times, from Havant to Bristol.
13 June 1990: lost my only-child status as Catherine was born, at about 23:15.
Probably circa 1992: that incident with the stuffed E.T. toy.
December 1992: that school Christmas party. I served my first two terms of school (yes, the use of prison-esque terminology is deliberate) at a little primary in Bristol, which I hated. I had numerous disagreements with my teachers, despised several aspects of the place which I thought were illogical (why did I start off in Class 5, for example? I thought you should begin at the beginning, and start in Class 1?), and never made a single friend. And then there was some sort of party, I think a pre-Christmas one, and there was a misunderstanding as to whether the party food was instead of or in addition to the usual packed-lunch requirements, and after wandering around the building being confused for half of lunchtime, I ended up having to eat some sort of sandwich things that really didn't appeal.
Somewhere from September 1992 to March 1993: on the subject of that school, there was also the incident where my teacher carried me kicking and screaming (quite literally, I'm afraid) to a different classroom to see how well-behaved the children were there. I fell compelled to point out that I really thought I had a genuine grievance to throw that strop about - I wasn't just being difficult because I felt like it.
Circa 1992 / 1993: I vaguely remember being shown Snow White and the Seven Dwarves sometime in my early days. In retrospect, it was probably just after the film's digitally-remastered re-release. It might have been my first cinema trip, and it's definitely the first film or TV material that I specifically remember seeing. The bit that stuck in my head was this rather charming moment in the dungeon - I hope that doesn't say anything too bad about the state of my head?
Early March 1993: we moved from Bristol to Cardiff.
Sometime in 1993: cottoned on to the fact that each day and each year had its own number - I understanding the calendar, basically. No idea what date this was, but I definitely remember it was in '93.
Probably 1993 or 1994: my school class (I liked the school in Cardiff much better than the one in Bristol, by the way) was taken up to the staff room and fed small pieces of cooked turnip. I really don't know what they were trying to prove, I just remember the veg.
Probably late 1994 or early 1995: was allowed to make a cardboard model house at school (can't remember what academic context it might have had). It only had a ground floor, and my ambitious lighting scheme was curtailed by the fact that they only let me have one bulb, but otherwise the project ranks as one of the high points of my three years in school.
September 1995: began home education.
Second half of 1995: on a visit to someone else's house (I can't remember whose) I came across a Buzz Lightyear toy. Didn't think anything of it at the time, but that inconspicuous moment was the first time I crossed paths with Pixar Animation Studios.
Tuesday 26 September 1995: started keeping my oldest surviving diary/journal thing. The first entry was about some sunflowers I'd been growing in the back garden, and the book has some of the petals (remarkably well-preserved) laid out on its front cover under some sticky-backed plastic film.
Wednesday 4 October 1995: the second entry in the sunflower journal records the fact that "we saw lots of snails on dead twigs" - I still remember the incident: the 'twigs' weren't technically twigs, but the dead stems of some annual hedgerow plant, two or three feet high, and the shiny little yellow- and brown-shelled snails which caught my attention, sitting on the dead twigs in large numbers, were almost certainly Cepaea hortensis. This might not have been the very beginning of my fondness for the species, but it was certainly very close to the beginning, and an important formative moment.
6 January 1996: we left the UK for a two-year stay in Hong Kong, where Dad had got a contract to set up a test lab for a government agency.
Later January 1996: found a two- or three-inch-long shell in a gutter, white with dark-brown spots. Kept it (and, I'm sure you'll be glad to know, cleaned it). It turned out to be the first of several of its species that I would acquire in Hong Kong, and it kicked my recently-formed interest in shells into a whole new gear.
Late January / early February 1996: moved into our new flat at 17G Orchid Court, Sha Tin, which we would call home for nearly two years. The block of flats, along with four others, is on the roof of a shopping centre, whose McDonalds' and Pizza Hut outlets would be a lifeline, and there was also a musical fountain in the middle of the main atrium, which I found endlessly fascinating.
Saturday 22 June 1996: one of the occasional Saturday mornings on which I went with Dad to his lab. I don't know whether it was the first, but I saw fit to record this one in my journal.
Summer 1996: my conversion to Christianity.
Can't remember if it was the autumn of 1996 or 1997: was told I would be taking part in the Sunday School musical production for Christmas, and was duly packed off to the upstairs classroom where the first rehearsal was taking place. I hated it with every fibre of my being - I can't and won't sing on a stage, and nobody has any right to tell me otherwise - so I stood at the back of the group in ferocious silence, with my arms folded and (I'm told) a glare like a thundercloud. Once the adults concerned had realised I really wasn't going to sing, they decided to let me be the narrator instead, which suited much better.
Saturday 28 September 1996: went for a walk in the local park, and picked up a load of leftover wax from the candles used in the Moon Festival lanterns the previous night. Made a candle of our own from the leftovers.
Sunday 27 October 1996: my baptism.
Wednesday 27 November 1996: went round the local park to see the giant lanterns that had been set up for the Zigong Lantern Festival.
Sometime in 1997, I think, but it could have been late 1996: our train stopped at a station which happened to offer a view of the road where our bus route to church, the Kowloon Motor Bus 85, went - and on the road below I spotted an 85. But not just any old 85. Instead of the dull-yellow colours which 85s usually sported, this one was white - which probably won't mean much to you unless I explain that the white livery was reserved for air-conditioned buses. After several months of suffering our way to and from church in non-air-conditioned buses, KMB had finally seen fit to put air-con vehicles on the route. That made me enormously happy.
Saturday 4 January 1997: drew the first in a series of pictures (each comprising four A4 sheets end-to-end) showing various villages in a fictional country of my own creation.
Tuesday 11 February 1997: went down to Hong Kong Harbour to see the Chinese New Year fireworks show.
Early 1997: went to the cinema to see Star Wars 20th-anniversary Special Edition. It mostly went over my head, but repeat viewings on rented VHS tapes over the next few years were better appreciated.
Wednesday 28 May 1997: Ben born, 20:53.
September 1997: left Hong Kong for a 3-week trip to Australia, via Manila Airport in the Philippines.
Later September 1997: discovered a shell shop in Townsville, North Queensland, and was struck by several specimens of the Venus Comb Murex. Couldn't afford one at the time, and had to wait years and years to get hold of one.
Friday 9 January 1998: touched down at Heathrow 4 in the early morning, back on native soil for the first time in two years and three days. My diary says Auntie Tina met us at the airport, but nobody else seems to remember that point. We immediately head back to the old lair in Cardiff, and on the way make our first crossing of the New Severn Bridge, which was opened in our absence.
Friday 23 January 1998: we acquired our purple Ford Galaxy, which we gradually ran into the ground over the next 13-and-a-half years.
Saturday 13 June 1998: we went to a Christian home educators' meeting, and meet a family called the Johnstons for the first time. I certainly didn't appreciate the gravity of this moment at the time, but it turns out to have been very, very important day.
Sometime in 1998: completed the loft conversion which we'd done to create a new play room. Began building a new incarnation of my lego-and-cardboard city.
Sunday 28 March 1999: first visit to Yateley Baptist Church. I've been there so long now that it almost seems weird to think that there was a first visit.
Monday 2 August 1999: I woke up late for a Monday, realised that Dad didn't come in to say goodbye before setting off to Hampshire for the working week, and started getting a bit upset, before it turned out he didn't go to Hampshire at all that morning, because Sophie had been born at 05:01.
Friday 22 October 1999: we moved out of our house in Cardiff, spent part of the day with friends at their enormous, half-decorated pile (which I found a fascinating place) and then went down to Devon to stay with Mum's parents in Plymouth for a few weeks.
Early December 1999: we moved into our current house in Hampshire, and started going to YBC regularly.
Sometime in 2001: Universe XGT had its beginnings in a Lego-based game while Tim was on a visit to Hampshire.
Last week of October 2001: joined our church's annual Youth Hostelling holiday, which was in Hastings that year.
Thursday 20 December 2001: Mum, Dad, Cat and me went to the Odeon Cinema, Guildford, to see The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring the day after it opened. My interest in filmmaking began during these 3 hours.
15 June 2002: started work on my first-ever animation - a tiny little clip of a plant sprouting, with the frames created pixel-by-pixel in Microsoft Paint. It was so bad that I don't plan on showing it to you, but it sowed the seed of better things to come...
September 2002: began GCSE studies with an online school called NorthStar.
5 February 2003: began work on what would become my first completed CGI animated short, Martian Ballet, in collaboration with Dave Allwright.
Not really sure when, but possibly circa 2003: the night Dad and I helped Grandma and Grandad move out of their old house.
June / July 2004: completed GCSEs.
28 August 2004: completed my first successful attempt at stopmotion, White-tack.
September 2004: began A-level studies at Farnborough Sixth Form College.
5 January 2006: began work on Arthur & the Punk, the first in a trio of plasticene-stopmotion shorts which would take a total of almost four years to complete.
Sunday 19 February 2006: turned 18. Now legally allowed to buy pointy objects, tobacco, booze and Quentin Tarantino films on DVD. Didn't make use of any of these new-found rights.
Friday 9 June 2006: on the spur of the moment, wrote the first eleven episodes of a little webcomic called Cylinder and Miserable. I put 4-digit numbers in the filenames (e.g. "Cyl_and_Mis_0001.gif" - now reduced to "CM-0001.gif"), but never really expected that I'd need all those zeros. Time would tell...
July 2006: completed A-level studies at Farnborough Sixth.
Last week of August 2006: attended Root Hill Camp for the first time.
Last week of October 2006: went on my sixth and last YBC Youth Hostelling holiday.
Friday 27 October 2006: Tim and I filmed X-Battles GT1: Attacking, mainly as an exercise to let Tim have a go at stopmotion. It turned out to be the first of several instalments in an increasingly technically complex series.
Monday 27 November 2006: published the first episode of Cylinder and Miserable.
Sunday 17 December 2006: I drew and published the first episode of an untitled Christian comic strip series, which I would later name Grace and Caffeine.
April 2007: went to India for two weeks. Got sick. Nearly died. Never going back.
28 May 2007 (or thereabouts): after a very long time with no animals in the house, we acquired the first of what would prove to be at least half a dozen hamsters. Hammy the hamster was Ben's main present for his 10th birthday, and would stay with us for about two-and-a-half years.
Mid-late June 2007: after 8 months' work, I completed my giant mosaic project I See the Light at the End, in the knowledge that it will soon have to be taken down and put into storage as the building housing it is going to be demolished.
Monday 2 July 2007: got my email working properly after several months of downtime. May seem trivial in retrospect, but it meant a lot to me at the time.
Wednesday 4 July 2007: as an offhand remark in an email, I suggest the formation of a group called "the Fellowship of the Unsubtle Lead Bricks", to comprise (initially) myself, Tim and Sarah.
Friday 20 July 2007: took, and failed, my first driving test. Everybody then told me that all the best drivers fail at least once, and the experience spurs them on to become better drivers.
Saturday 4 August 2007: while at a barbecue at Tim and Sarah's, I came up with the beginnings of an idea which I called Alpha One's Laser Cafe. The resulting stopmotion film has become the first instalment of a quadrilogy, with the third film half-way through shooting, and the fourth in the scripting stages.
Thursday 13 September 2007: passed my driving test on the second attempt.
Later September 2007: began my BSc course at Farnborough College of Technology.
December 2007: discovered the existence of Farnborough Tech's very small Christian Union.
Monday 31 December 2007: completed Day-Glo! (the second of my three plasticene short films) with just hours to go before the end of the year, after a final push by Tim to complete the score - the first of several he has composed for my films.
Some time in early 2008: met one Lewis Connolly for the first time. Apparently he'd already 'met' Cat over Facebook, but this was the first time any of us saw him in person.
Sunday 6 July 2008: had problems, and ended up rather depressed by the evening. Mum then decided it was time to tell me her thoughts re: me and the autistic spectrum - which explained a lot.
Monday 7 July 2008: I drew the first of what would prove to be an ongoing series of pictures documenting my feelings on the Aspergers diagnosis.
Monday 14 July 2008: visited a small war museum in Northumberland. The enormity of what had happened got to me somewhat.
Last week of August 2008: my third year at Root Hill. Met Sam Arthur for the first time. Can't remember if this was also the year I first met Josh Hall or if that was 2007 (a little help here, Josh?). Also took over as official videographer for the week from camp organiser Dave Hollands.
May / June 2009: directed live-action film for the first time, on the college project One in a Million.
Tuesday 9 June 2009: wrote the 1000th episode of Cylinder and Miserable, finally making use of all those zeros I gave myself three years earlier.
Saturday 1 August 2009: Cat & Lewis married at YBC. I was one of the ushers, along with Lewis' brother, and Cat asked me to sign the register as one of the witnesses.
Friday 4 September 2009: the beginning of a long and productive relationship between myself and Sony Creative Software's Vegas Movie Studio. Proves that despite what some Mac fans claim, you can edit HD video perfectly well on the Windows platform.
Saturday 5 December 2009: completed The Probe Has Succeeded, the last film in my claymation triptych.
Tuesday 27 April 2010: having previously written the script for Megastropulodon Attacks! and been tasked with supervising the visual effects, I was now given the director's chair after Esam sacked the previous director for not engaging properly with the project.
Early June 2010: completed the final module of my BSc at Farnborough Tech.
Friday 23 July 2010: during a sugar-fuelled bout of creative zaniness in the small hours of the morning, Tim, Sarah and I created the first few episodes of our new cross-continuity comic strip Fort Paradox.
Thursday 22 July 2010: completed X-Battles GT4: Deflecting (made by Tim, Sarah and myself), reviving the long-running tech-experimentation series and moving it into the HD age.
Saturday 31 July 2010: drew the 178th and last episode of Grace and Caffeine, ending a creative undertaking which had been part of my life for more than three-and-a-half years.
Last week of August 2010: my fifth year at Root Hill, and my second time doing the camp video - this time in widescreen! Lots of major highs and lows. High points included meeting a certain sheep- and Doctor Who-obsessed ginger person for the first time.
Wednesday 1 September 2010: started blogging at A White Horizon.
Tuesday 26 October 2010: found Coco the hamster dead in his cage, and as everyone else except Mum was away on various trips all week, it fell to me to carry out the funeral.
Thursday 28 October 2010: graduated from Farnborough Tech with first-class honours.
Tuesday 2 November 2010: published the first episode of Fort Paradox.
Saturday 27 November 2010: went to the Root Hill reunion in London. Got a scenic tour of several major rail stations and discovered that I don't like Harrods.
Late November / early December 2010: quit Facebook, because I could.
Friday 3 December 2010: invented the Binary Advent Candle.
Thursday 30 December 2010: did my first acrylic painting since finishing A-level Fine Art six-and-a-half years previously.
Saturday 1 January 2011: completed the 720p HD remastered version of Martian Medicine - likely the final iteration of the Martian Ballet Trilogy, after seven years (on-and-off) in the making.
Saturday 22 January 2011: Hannah's 18th-birthday party - in Kent. Getting there involved what is, to date, my longest-ever solo road trip. There was a point half-way back to Hampshire in the small hours of the next morning when I sat in the car in a motorway services car park and seriously considered sleeping there until the morning, but I decided this wasn't a great plan.
Thursday 27 January 2011: set myself a weekly-animation challenge under the title Arbitrary Stopframe.
Thursday 19 May 2011: saw a kingfisher on the River Blackwater, which inspired me to begin work on my most ambitious painting ever.
Monday 7 November 2011: completed my kingfisher painting circa 23:40, after five-and-a-half months in progress.

So there you go. Me to date.

- The Colclough

Time of Year

2011-10-31T21:35:00.000Z

As of yesterday, we're back on Proper Time. For another five months, we'll say it's noon when it's actually solar noon, instead of this summer-time nonsense of calling it noon when it's still really only 11am. Don't get me started on the ludicrous notion some people have of introducing 'double summer time' and pushing the clocks another hour out of synch with reality. I'm a stickler for logic, and that sort of stupid idea makes my blood boil.

Did you lot enjoy your extra hour of sleep (the one they stole off you back in April and only just gave back)? I didn't get one. Let me explain...

I have this problem where I go to bed at night, and even if I was really tired just before hitting the pillow, my brain always wakes up and starts talking at me. And it won't... shut... up... for hours. I can't remember the last time I was asleep before midnight - at least not without cheating the system by skipping sleep altogether the previous night. And then the morning comes around, and I suddenly start feeling all tired. My brain shuts up at last, my limbs decide they don't want to move. So my sleep pattern is pretty messed up anyway, and if I don't corral it with an alarm clock then it tends to drift later and later relative to the clock.

So this year, for the second time running, I pulled a devious little stunt: I deliberately forewent my extra hour (although you could argue that I'd already had it, spread out in 120 half-minute chunks over the course of the summer), so instead of getting up at half 9 on Sunday morning, as I'd been doing before, I got up at half 8 - the same time relative to the sun, but an hour earlier relative to the clock. First time in a while that I'd been up that early and not felt really naff about it.

The thing now will be to see if the correction sticks.

That wasn't a blog post worth waiting a month for, was it?

- The Colclough

Stuff I Made: September 2011

2011-09-28T18:39:00.001+01:00

Been a while since I did one of those several-different-paragraphs-on-unrelated-subjects blogs...

1) Arbitrary Stopframe: I mentioned the other week that I was working on an idea for Episode 11. Here it is.

2) Painting: did a little painting the other day, experimenting with paint surface effects and trying to make it look like running water, but I forgot to photograph it yet. Also did more to the kingfisher - new photo follows.

Untitled Kingfisher Painting - now with some paint on the kingfisher!

3) Root Hill on Camera 2011: pretty much finished editing the Concert reel (runtime circa 70 minutes). Might go back in and add some video filters on one little segment, but otherwise I think the Concert's all done and dusted.

4) Writing Megastropulodon: now nearly 2/3 of the way through the third draft for the opening episode. Haven't decided yet whether my next move will be the third draft for Episode 5, or starting work on a first draft for Episode 2.

- The Colclough

Into Double Figures

2011-09-20T15:03:00.000+01:00

For the first time ever, one of my film/animation projects has reached its 10th instalment (well, there was a very small thing that I made as a bad in-joke, that got to 30, but most of you don't want to know about that) - as of this afternon, Arbitrary Stopframe has gone into double figures!

I brought back Doctor Murkum, partly because everybody seemed to like his previous appearance (Episode 4), and this time I pitted him against my magnetic-sculpture set. Originally, I was planning to use the magnet sculpture in Episode 9, along with Forkley, but I discovered that they didn't make a particularly interesting combination, hence the fact that Forkley got the pencil jar instead in a last-minute rewrite.

I would have done this episode last Monday, but I cracked the storyline literally ten minutes after my parents had driven off for a few day's holiday for their wedding anniversary - and taken the Nikon D80 with them, which left me with an idea, but no DSLR to shoot it on. Which is why you've had to wait for today instead. But anyway, enough of that. The point is, Episode 10 is now online. Enjoy.

And I'm working on an idea for Episode 11 already...

- The Colclough

The Whole Neurological Disorder Thing

2011-09-14T13:29:00.000+01:00

Yeah, that thing in the 'About Me' box where I mentioned having some sort of autistic-spectrum condition... it's been a little over three years since the idea was first put to me that I might have Asperger's Syndrome, and what with the 'anniversary' having just gone past, I've been doodling again.

That was how I decided to deal with the idea back in July 2008 - I started drawing a picture for each day which summarised how I'd felt about it. It lasted two weeks, dropped off as my feelings on the subject started to stabilise, then a couple more drawings snuck in a week later. And then July 2009 came around, and when other things combined with the one-year mark, it gave rise to a new clutch of drawings. And so on, re: July 2010 and July 2011.

As a project, I'm not really sure how to categorise it. Does it come under 'diary-keeping'? Does it come under 'comic strips', in the sense that it's serialised graphical storytelling (sorta)? Does it come under 'self-imposed therapy'? I don't really know. The funny thing is that despite the heavy stylisation and the extensive use of strange metaphors, it's more truthful, or more documentary in nature, if you like, than pretty much any other creative undertaking I've ever done.

I had previously posted the first 3 years' drawings on Tailcast, but as Tailcast had lost its soul by the end of last year, I gave up and terminated my account, which meant the drawings went offline. But I have now re-uploaded them all to a new DeviantArt account, along with the latest additions to the series. You can see all 36 pictures here. Some of you may have seen some of the pictures before. Some of you won't. And none of you will have seen the last 8 yet.

Something a bit more serious, to contrast Cylinder and Miserable, I suppose...

- The Colclough

Arbitrary Again

2011-08-29T22:47:00.000+01:00

So, I'm back from Root Hill (might blog about that later), and Doctor Who is back on the air (I'm still confused, but my gut reaction is that I liked Let's Kill Hitler better than A Good Man Goes to War, even though there wasn't as much bashing of the Fuhrer as the title might lead you to expect). However, it's gone half ten at night, and unlike certain other people, that's a bit late for me to be starting to write an ambitious blog post. So I'll just leave you with a couple of little videos.

I forgot to embed Arbitrary Stopframe 8 when I uploaded it a few weeks ago. I've just uploaded episode 9, so I may as well take the opportunity to rectify my mistake, and embed both at once:

Now that I've finished my big crazy glut of travellings, I might try and get back to doing these things on a weekly basis. Ooh, how ambitious.

- The Colclough

Signing off (for now)

2011-08-19T23:33:00.001+01:00

So, the Twenty Questions challenge is over. Pretty much. It has resulted in my most bloggingest month ever (sorry, I couldn't be bothered to work out how to say that in real grammar) with 18 posts in August, and it's prompted me to think through some questions and come up with some answers which had never occurred to me before. I'd probably have gone my whole life without attempting a scientific comparison of the relative merits of sheep and cows, for example, if Hannah hadn't included that on her question list.

It's also made me pretty tired of staring at ye olde Blogger Create Post screen.

Anywho, I'm off to Root Hill tomorrow, so I'll be internetless for a week. No more Blogger Create Post screens. No wordsmithing races or challenges. No animation, probably (don't panic though, I'm working on an idea for Arbitrary Stopframe Episode 9 for when I get back). No webcomic updates (well, Tim's going to look after Fort Paradox as it's his turn this week anyway, and Cylinder and Miserable will get some bonus strips online tomorrow). Goodness knows what else will happen though! After all, it was thanks to meeting H and one or two other things that happened at Root Hill 2010 that I started this blog in the first place. Who knows what RH 2011 might precipitate?

But before I head off, I've got one little loose end to wrap up from Twenty Questions: Sam gave me 5 extra questions, and I only answered 3 of them so far. Here are the rest.

Sam's questions, #4: "Which do you prefer: Motorhead or Metallica?"

I really don't know. I've never really listened to either.

Sam's questions, #5: "Who is your favourite Stand Up Comedian?"

Another case of "I don't have a particular favourite". But if I had to choose one, then maybe Jeff Dunham. For Achmed.

For those of you who are going to Root Hill, I'll see you there. For the rest, see you afterwards.

- The Colclough

The Halls of Infamy

2011-08-18T15:48:00.002+01:00

The finale! After weeks of plotting, scheming, and desperate clattering of the QWERTY board, I finally come to the last of Hannah 'LikesSheepBaa' Newcombe's twenty questions. I've saved this one for last because in some ways, it's the hardest. It's Question 8: "What is your favourite character that you’ve created so far?"

Shouldn't that be, "Who is your favourite character that you’ve created so far?"

Grammatical nit-picking aside, this is going to be tricky. I've never had any children, so I can't really draw a comparison to "having to choose between my children", but I'm pretty sure this is what it would feel like if I did have any children and someone was forcing me to choose between them.

In fact, never mind mere 'tricky': picking a single favourite is going to be impossible. There are too many of them that I'm too fond of. The best I can do would be to present an alphabetically-ordered shortlist, with various facts, figures and claims to fame, and maybe illustrations. And I'm going to put something cool on the speakers. Bear with me while I fire up WinMP...

Not quite my all-time favourites, but Honourable Mentions:

The 18th Everything Shopkeeper (from Cylinder and Miserable) - because he can say the most outlandish things and be absolutely accurate about it.
Brother Threadmoose (from Cylinder and Miserable) - an itinerant monk affiliated with no known religion, prone to speaking with a mediaeval dialect, and in possession of a 'Parakamellama' - whatever the heck of of those is.
Forkley (from Universe XGT, also appears in Fort Paradox) - encapsulates all the most amusing aspects of UXGT, and would probably be very, very bad for a lot of other people's heads if they knew all there is to know about him.
Lulu the Ship's Cactus (from A Salesman Beneath) - because it amuses me to have a spaceship controlled by a prickly plant instead of a computer.
Tom Thomason (from Grace and Caffeine and Goin' Teapotty) - old friend. Probably been in my head longer than anyone else mentioned here except Forkley.

And now, the Front-Runners:

Cylinder the Cylinder (from Cylinder and Miserable, also appears in Fort Paradox and other media)

Entered my brain: 2006
First published appearance: 2006
Official age: unknown (depends whether he had existed before the events of C&M Episode 0001, which is a question I've never bothered to work out an answer for)
Race/Species: Geometrant
Claim(s) to Fame: breaks the fourth wall; owns a Metaphysical Violation Drive ship and a 50-foot Norwegian custard jacuzzi; has a sentient sprig of broccoli as a butler; revels in the title of "the World's Most Notorious Travel Writer" and likes to hang out and eat pizza with his self-confessedly rabid fan club; claims to have sold the Sistine Chapel; also managed to parachute a lawnmower into a tree in Vietnam and get it stuck there while being chased by some very angry communists.

Edwin Hall (best known for his part in Grace and Caffeine, also appears in Fort Paradox and other media)

Entered my brain: 2003
First published appearance: 2006
Official age: late 70s
Race/Species: Human
Claim(s) to Fame: has white hair and uber gardening skills; inherited my pragmatic/grumpy streak.
Other remarks: I think I like Edwin because he reflects the part of me that gets upset when things don't make sense. On that level, he balances out the other front-runners, who are all pretty much unfazed by pretty much anything.

Meebrick the Misnomer (from A Salesman Beneath)

Entered my brain: 2010
First published appearance: 2011
Official age: late 50s, approximately
Race/Species: Human
Claim(s) to Fame: manages to be impossibly happy even when freefalling into a near-infinite void, almost getting eaten by giant bats, being put to work washing hundreds of sticky eggs, battling mechanical spacefaring turtles, or voyaging inside a miniature planet made of jelly.

Ron Haggard (from Megastropulodon)

Entered my brain: 2009
First published appearance: 2010
Official age: 33
Race/Species: Human
Claim(s) to Fame: breaks the fourth wall (Cylinder isn't alone); sees the whole world through a filter of cartoon logic; laughs in the face of laser vision; is un-puffed-up enough to settle for being the Sidekick even though he's got more of a clue than anyone else; saves the universe from a gigantic hairy rampaging mutant monster using a bomb built from someone else's briefcase and a bottle of cold tea.

I'm curious - which characters have made the best impression on the audience? To find out, I've opened a poll over in the sidebar. Will be interested to see how the voting goes...

The Final Stats:

Twenty Questions status: 20 down, none to go - I think, just for once, I might have won.
Days until Root Hill: 2
Latest book read: Jennings Follows a Clue
Latest film/TV watched: Red Dwarf 1.6
Latest music listened to: Doctor Who Series 5 OST by Murray Gold
Latest edible item eaten: chocolate cookie
Predominant colour of clothes: blue/grey
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook and Word 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; Blogspot Create Post), Windows Media Player 11
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1339

- The Colclough

Numbercrunching

2011-08-18T14:50:00.000+01:00

...and just maybe some braincrunching too, as I tackle Question 20: "If the answer is 42, what is the question?"

42.

Obviously.

Did you see what I did there? I answered a question about another question in such a way that the question was in fact the other question too, and therefore arguably the answer to itself. Confused? Me too. Let me break it down for you (and more to the point, for me):

Q: "If the answer is 42, what is the question?"
A: "42."
So the answer is "42", which fulfils the criterion stipulated in the original question. Therefore, we can now proceed to work out what other question would fit the answer.
But wait a minute - to get the answer "42", we started out from the question "If the answer is 42, what is the question?" - therefore, the other question that the first question was asking about, must also be "If the answer is 42, what is the question?"
Therefore, the question is asking about itself.
GAH! THE RECURSION HURTS MY BRAINS!

Alternatively, you could save yourself a migraine like so: the other question could just be "What's 6x7?"

Mind you, that's a bit boring by comparison, isn't it?

Statisticcrunching:

Twenty Questions status: 19 down, just one more to go!
Days until Root Hill: 2
Latest book read: Jennings Follows a Clue
Latest film/TV watched: Red Dwarf 1.6
Latest music listened to: How to Train Your Dragon OST by John Powell
Latest edible item eaten: chocolate cookie
Predominant colour of clothes: blue/grey
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1, twice; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1339

- The Colclough

Sparkly or Undead?

2011-08-18T13:34:00.000+01:00

A bit like Question 15: "Sheep or cows?", but odder and more fictional... and maybe trickier - Question 16: "Zombies or unicorns?"

Wow. What a choice to have to make. Sparkly white horses with magical horns on their foreheads versus the creeping, oozing, rotting, brainsss-coveting undead.

Sorry to keep doing this, but once again I must resort to summarising various points for and against in the tried and trusted bulleted-list format:

It would probably be more manly to say Zombies. Just because they don't sparkle. If I'd asked Hannah the same question, she wouldn't have this problem. But then again, how much do I care?
Unicorns probably won't eat you. Definitely a point to Team Sparkly.
You might be able to use a unicorn as a lawnmower. Zombies probably not.
It's usually a given that zombies want your guts, but is the unicorn also out to get you? If so, then I'd vote Zombie, because it's much easier to outrun a shuffling corpse than a galloping equid.
But the flipside to that is that if I had to pick one or other as a mode of transport, then I'd have to vote Unicorn for exactly the same reason.
If I was going to have a conversation with one or other, I'd talk to the unicorn. Because they're supposed to be able to speak (I'm told), or at least understand speech, while the undead would rather kill you than listen to you.
At the other extreme, if I had to eat one or other, I'd eat the unicorn. It'd taste millions better - assuming some sort of unicorn protection magic didn't kill you as soon as you stuck your fork in - and zombies almost certainly carry multi-resistant salmonella or something.
Both critters are equally damaging to metaphysics.
If I had a girlfriend to worry about, then I suspect she'd want me to say Unicorn - "My boyfriend's got a unicorn!" sounds a bit less repulsive than "My boyfriend's got a pet zombie!" But I don't, so that doesn't count.

Net result: on balance, probably unicorns.

Them statistics:

Twenty Questions status: 18 down, 2 to go (so close now...)
Days until Root Hill: 2
Latest book read: Jennings Follows a Clue
Latest film/TV watched: Red Dwarf 1.6
Latest music listened to: How to Train Your Dragon OST by John Powell
Latest edible item eaten: croissants and cowjuice
Predominant colour of clothes: back to blue
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1339

- The Colclough

One Forgets

2011-08-17T16:08:00.000+01:00

Question 11: "What is your earliest memory?"

I've got a few early ones, but I can't remember what order they happened in. What I think might have been the first involved waking up in the middle of the night in my bedroom in Bristol, at the tender age of two or thereabouts, and wondering why the lamp on the far side of the room wasn't on. Or it might have been another night, in the same room, where I had a dream that questioned what would happen if the shade fell off my ceiling light. Yes, I've always had a bit of a thing with light and dark. No wonder I ended up as an artist.

There were some other memories from the smaller bedroom, but I'm pretty sure those came later, as I only got moved in there after I stopped being an only child at two-and-nearly-a-half. They included a certain level of paranoia about those little chinks of light coming through the gaps around the curtains (I think I was under the mistaken impression that they were spying on me), an equal if not greater level of paranoia about the cartoon drawing of an x-ray on my alphabet wall chart (I hated that x-ray with a vengeance, or more to the point I was scared stiff of it, and I was enormously pleased with myself one day when I worked up the courage to face the offending drawing and rip it out of the poster. Mum was less pleased with the mess)... and then there was the incident with E.T.

I usually like to gloss over the one under the dining table with the felt-tip pens and little sister's t-shirt. (How was I meant to know that wasn't an appropriate choice of canvas, anyway?) That one aside, my most anecdotable early memory was the one where I woke up one morning to find my room had suffered an overnight alien invasion. I came to, and may or may not have had time to note the disappearance of the aforementioned possibly-conspiratorial chinks of light from behind the curtains before I realised I was being stared at from across the very small room (I maintain that it was about 7 foot by 5) by the most hideous and obviously-malevolent entity I had ever seen.

In retrospect, it turns out to have been a small, stuffed version of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, but as far as my three- or four-year-old self was concerned it was the miniature embodiment of evil come to kill me or something. The situation probably wasn't helped by its unexpectedness - the fact that this thing had arrived in my room without a single word of warning or explanation. The big problem was how to escape the room and find someone to help get rid of it, because my head was at the pillow end of the bed (see, I did have some residual scraps of normality!), and that was at the opposite end of the room to the door, with the beast strategically perched on a shelf in between. I dared not get any closer without some sort of protection, as I would probably pay for it with my life.

Thank goodness for the miracle of duvets. In a flash of inspiration, I retreated beneath the cover, and crawled down to the foot of the bed in its shadow. The door handle was now just a few inches away, and if I could move quickly enough, I might outrun the monster. There was probably one of those tense pauses like you get in Westerns, where everybody stares meaningfully at each other's gun holsters and the art department sends a well-placed piece of dry tumbleweed blowing across the street.

I ran. I grabbed my door handle, yanked it open, hurled myself off the foot of the bed and into the relative safety of the landing, saw salvation in the bathroom in the shape of a parent or two, and ran towards it for dear life, as fast as I could possibly manage, shrieking hysterically. I may have invented a new adjective to describe the indescribable horror that I'd just escaped.

The unwelcome alien was duly removed, and peace restored.

Only for him to turn up again in a very strange movie I saw several years later... except that time he didn't scare the living daylights out of me.

Grown-up me's statistics:

Twenty Questions status: 17 down, 3 to go
Days until Root Hill: 3
Latest book read: Operation Mincemeat
Latest film/TV watched: Red Dwarf 1.5
Latest music listened to: How to Train Your Dragon OST by John Powell
Latest edible item eaten: coffee
Predominant colour of clothes: black
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Word and Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Fort Paradox offline archive; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post; www.imdb.com), Windows Media Player 11
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1338

- The Colclough

Time And Relative Dimensions In Space

2011-08-17T14:56:00.001+01:00

Question 10: "You now have a type 40 TARDIS. Where and when would your top destinations be?"

Ooh, all of time and space... where do I want to start? A few of my destinations, in some semblance of chronological order:

~4000 BC to watch the beginning of the universe. No need to skip ahead and watch the end, because one way or another I'll get to see that anyway. Spoilers...
~2400 BC to see what the Ark looked like.
AD 1011, to see what my local area looked like a millennium ago.
It's tempting to go to 1605 and give the Gunpowder Plotters a helping hand, just to see what would happen to history if they'd succeeded, but I don't think I'd go through with that one.
I'd go to Skywalker Ranch circa 1994, pick up George Lucas, bring him to the present and show him how the world has reacted to the Star Wars prequels, and then take him back to 1994 so he could fix the scripts accordingly.
There was this huge lantern exhibition in the local park when I was living in Hong Kong, and one of my lasting regrets is that I didn't take the time to try and appreciate the quieter, less OTT parts. I'd take my TARDIS back to Sha Tin Park in autumn 1997 and look at all the bits I missed last time.
I'd go to 2005 and bribe Russell T Davies to not write Love and Monsters.
Saturn, just because.

...and that's just if I stick to real-world chronology. If I was including fictional destinations, then I'd go and see Coruscant, visit Gallifrey in its heyday, and just to really confuse myself I might try and materialise on board Fort Paradox.

My stats, at present:

Twenty Questions status: 16 down, 4 to go
Days until Root Hill: 3
Latest book read: Operation Mincemeat
Latest film/TV watched: The Simpsons Movie
Latest music listened to: Doctor Who Series 1 & 2 OST by Murray Gold - I scared myself when I hit 'play' because I'd turned the speakers up way too loud by mistake 8p
Latest edible item eaten: beef burger
Predominant colour of clothes: black
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Word and Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Fort Paradox offline archive; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post), Windows Media Player 11
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1338

- The Colclough

The Shape of Things to Come

2011-08-16T15:47:00.001+01:00

Another hard one... Question 7: "If you were a shape, what shape would you be?"

Hrmmm... good one. I've never really thought about this one before Hannah asked it, and the following answer is only a spur-of-the-moment hunch thing.

I think I'd probably be a square, because it suits my obsessive sense of logic and orderliness. Part of me wants to say a circle, but the whole pi thing would probably annoy me too much, whereas squares don't have that problem, so I'll go with one of those. Also, squares are tileable, which would have all sorts of implications for productivity and so on.

The phrase 'being square' might have connotations of social deficiency, but that's not going to put me off from choosing my shape because I'm socially deficient anyway. So there!

Not much change in these stats:

Twenty Questions status: 15 down, 5 to go - three-quarters done...
Days until Root Hill: 4
Latest book read: Operation Mincemeat (nearly finished!)
Latest film/TV watched: Red Dwarf 1.3 and 1.4
Latest music listened to: Goin' Teapotty OST by Tim Johnston
Latest edible item eaten: Cadbury's Dairy Milk
Predominant colour of clothes: Grey
Programs and web pages currently running: Windows Media Player, Microsoft Office Word and Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1337; Fort Paradox bonus material

- The Colclough

The Waveform of Awesome

2011-08-16T15:32:00.000+01:00

Time grows short, with Root Hill just four days away and 7 questions still unanswered. And at this moment in time, I shall pick up on a question about time-based media, Question 3: "How would you describe your taste in music?"

The simplest way to summarise would be to say I like classical and neo-classical music, but that's a bit reductionist. It ignores the fact that some classical music can be a bit boring even for those who generally enjoy classical, and there are some things I'd listen to quite happily even though they really stretch the bounds of neoclassical if not outright overstep them. And then there are the things I'd call neoclassical but others wouldn't - e.g. Yanni apparently prefers to call his music 'contemporary instrumental', while others would classify it as 'new age', and although it has some classical traits, it's equally non-classical at the same time.

I enjoy music which has a meaningful melody and/or texture, emotional connotation, etc. I have no time for the hyper-abstract arty-farty noises some people pass off as music, e.g. serialism (yes, techically very clever perhaps, but utterly meaningless to listen to), and at the other extreme I equally dislike the inexplicably popular genre of rubbish that seems to consist of a drumbeat, maybe two bars of melody on an endless loop, and some hollow, repetitive lyrics about a soured relationship (in other words, all pop music, and several other things too).

My approach to lyrical work may seem, at first glance, to be a bit self-contradictory, but there's some method in my madness. Ideally, if there are going to be lyrics, then they should make sense. This explains why the huge majority of lyrical work which I like is of Christian origin - so much easier to enjoy a song if you agree with what it's saying. If you have to be familiar with something else to appreciate the song, that's fine - so long as I'm familiar with the other thing, of course - for example, Still Alive and Want You Gone would probably have lost me, except I already knew enough about Portal to get what they were on about. Ditto the entire Trock subgenre, re: Doctor Who. But then, there are other things I like where the lyrics most definitely don't make the blindest bit of sense at all, e.g. Adiemus. The difference is that in Adiemus, the 'words' aren't real words at all, and they're only there for textural effect, so their non-grammatic nature doesn't bother me. What bothers me is all that stuff in between, where there are real words strung together in some semblance of real grammar, and they seem to be 'about' something, but they're inaudible under the drums, badly-written, or both. E.g. all pop music... again.

A lot of my music collection has some connection to the screen, partly because screen music is very often the type that I like anyway, and partly because listening to the score often brings on the same mood as watching the film / TV show, hence why I've got the soundtracks of the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy, and several CDs of Doctor Who. (By the way, Hannah, I hope you're appreciating all these favourable mentions of your favourite show!) I have a special soft spot for the scores Tim's written for my films.

And then there are the other ones. The pieces which don't follow any of my usual criteria, but which I like anyway for various strange and obscure reasons. Case in point: Safety Dance. Basically, it's a pop song. It doesn't make much sense at all. Its obsession with dancing is completely at odds with my preference for not dancing. But I like it anyway, because of the fact that I heard it for the first several times during Root Hill 2010, which means that I always associate it with, well, Root Hill. And it's a happy song, even if it is somewhat deranged.

Sam's questions, #3: "If you could buy any car (money No Object) what would it be?"

Something British and sophisticated with a big engine and a leather interior. Probably a Rolls-Royce, Bentley, Jaguar or Aston Martin. Maybe one of each.

Time for stats:

Twenty Questions status: 14 down, 6 to go
Days until Root Hill: 4
Latest book read: Operation Mincemeat (nearly finished!)
Latest film/TV watched: Red Dwarf 1.3 and 1.4
Latest music listened to: Martian Medicine OST by Tim Johnston
Latest edible item eaten: Cadbury's Dairy Milk
Predominant colour of clothes: Grey
Programs and web pages currently running: Windows Media Player, Microsoft Office Word and Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1337; Fort Paradox bonus material

- The Colclough

Done Differently

2011-08-13T22:56:00.000+01:00

Question 19: "If you were prime minister, what would you do differently?"

All sorts of things. I can never remember all of my planned policies at any one time, but here's a cross-section of The Colclough's Manifesto, in no particular order: if I become Prime Minister, then...

I will implement a massive state subsidy on Lego.
Green beans will be outlawed because they're horrible.
It will be legal to do 80mph in the second lane on the motorway, 90mph in the third, etc. If you're going to build 'fast lanes', then they should be fast.
All children and pets will have the right to a sensible name.
Children under the age of 15 will be banned from using games consoles - cereal packets and sellotape are a much better way to spend your formative years. That's how I did mine, and it was good.
Inheritance tax will be abolished, because the government have no moral right to profit from the death of their citizens or to exacerbate the grief of the bereaved by turning up and demanding money.
The national energy crisis will be resolved by fitting devices to the Palace of Westminster to capture all the hot air made by the politicians, and use it to drive a colossal power station.
To reduce red tape and bureaucracy, MPs and civil servants will lose pay every time they create paperwork.
The internet will be reformed so that idiots are unable to use it. Nobody will be allowed to connect until they've passed tests in basic spelling, grammer and numeracy. Also, Facebook and all other variants on the theme will be outlawed because they rot the brain.
The death penalty will be reintroduced for murderers, rapists, the criminally insane etc - much cheaper and more efficient than prison sentences, and prevents re-offending. I would also have snipers in the big cities right now, shooting the odd looter. That'd make the crowds think twice about what they're doing, I think.
The BBC will have to produce a full run of Doctor Who every year (i.e. 13 episodes broadcast on 13 consecutive Saturdays in spring/summer - no more of these delays, hiatuses or split series). If necessary, EastEnders will be killed off in order to free up resources for DW.
Simon Cowell will be delared an enemy of the state, because of his heinous crimes against music.
The tax system will be restructured so that cool people pay less tax than uncool ones. Basically, I'd implement a tax on stupidity.
Shops would be forbidden to put up any decorations, have mince pies on the shelves, or do anything else related to Christmas before the first of December. Well, apart from selling Advent calendars, because they'd be a bit pointless if you didn't get them by the end of November.

Of course, like most manifestos, it's subject to revision. But that's what it looks like for now.

Stats:

Twenty Questions status: 13 down, 7 to go
Days until Root Hill: 7
Latest book read: still Dianetics
Latest film/TV watched: Monsters vs Aliens
Latest music listened to: Requiem by Karl Jenkins
Latest edible item eaten: Haribo
Predominant colour of clothes: Grey
Programs and web pages currently running: Windows Explorer, Windows Task Manager, Windows Media Player, Microsoft Office Word 2007, Incredimail, JPEGCrops, Sony Vegas, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1335

- The Colclough

That Pongs

2011-08-13T10:16:00.000+01:00

Question 17: "What is your favourite smell?"

Time to tackle another hard one. One of the questions in this challenge has already dealt with the fact that a lot of people value one sense more highly than another, with H saying she'd prefer to keep her hearing at the expense of her sight if needs must, while I'd opt to have it the other way round. To be honest, I don't think about smell the way I do sight or hearing, and if I was going to have to lose one of the three, I'd ditch the olfactory nerves without hesitation. Which does make it awkward to pick a favourite smell...

...in fact, totally impossible. I simply don't have one favourite smell. Maybe I could compile a top ten though, in no particular order:

Nearly-cooked pizza
Hot bacon
Cake
Chocolate (solid or liquid forms)
Tea/Coffee
Month-old carpet (so it still smells like a carpet shop, but not too overwhelming)
Freshly cut grass (used to have implications of progress, back in the days when I did the lawn mowing)
Wood smoke
Roses
Ink (in small quantities)

What's yours?

Stats:

Twenty Questions status: 12 down, 8 to go
Days until Root Hill: 7
Latest book read: don't remember anything since Dianetics
Latest film/TV watched: Monsters vs Aliens
Latest music listened to: Cylinder and Miserable Official Webcomic Soundtrack: Series 1 Suite
Latest edible item eaten: some sort of cranberry breakfast cereal
Predominant colour of clothes: grey & blue
Programs and web pages currently running: Incredimail, Sibelius 5, Neuratron PhotoScore Lite, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1335

- The Colclough

On Vegetation

2011-08-13T09:44:00.000+01:00

Sarah and Tim are walking the dog, and I'm once again seizing the opportunity to blog.

As of the small hours of this morning, Hannah and I are both half-way to completing the Twenty Questions blogging challenge, and I've decided to mark the occasion with a brief recap of the question list. Answered questions are denoted in grey like this, while the unanswered questions are denoted in italics like so:

My questions for H:

Where did the sheep obsession come from?
If you ruled the universe, what’s the first law you would pass?
What’s wrong with Doritos, anyway?
Who is your anti-role model?
How big are your feet?
Do you like mornings?
Beethoven or Bieber?
Ink or acrylics?
What’s the most overrated book out there?
Would you prefer an alien invasion or a zombie apocalypse?
What’s the strangest activity/project/group you’ve been involved with?
If you had to choose between your eyes and your ears…?
If you wrote a comic strip, what would it be about?
What’s your most recently formed life ambition?
So… what to do when life gives you lemons?
Which is the best chocolate bar, and why?
What would your dream house be like?
Has Steven Moffat dropped the ball?
Why is your car called that?
Is this the last question?

...and her questions for me:

We’ve reached the end of the Harry Potter era. Thoughts?
If you were an animal, how on earth did you become an animal?
How would you describe your taste in music?
If you were a character in Doctor Who, who would you be?
Do you have a favourite medium to use when doing artwork?
How tall are you?
If you were a shape, what shape would you be?
What is your favourite character that you’ve created so far?
Do you have a favourite novel?
You now have a type 40 TARDIS. Where and when would your top destinations be?
What is your earliest memory?
What is your suitcase packing method?
Please can I have your bank details?
Do you like broccoli when it isn’t named Albert?
Sheep or cows?
Zombies or unicorns?
What is your favourite smell?
Would you ever go bungee jumping?
If you were prime minister, what would you do differently?
If the answer is 42, what is the question?

To kick off the second half, I will answer Question 14: "Do you like broccoli when it isn’t named Albert?"

I do like broccoli, and so long as it isn't either gone off, or a particular pixelated sprig called Albert, then I'll eat it with no fuss and bother at all. I've been accused of not liking anything green, but that's not a fair claim. I'll eat lettuce, cabbage, broccoli, asparagus, and peas (among others) quite happily. And I like plenty of vegetables in other colours. It's just that the ones I don't like all happen to be green ones: cucumber, courgette, marrow, and most variants on the theme of green beans.

I digress. Most of the times I've had this particular vegetable, it's been washed and lightly microwaved so it no longer counts as raw, but still pretty close to its in-the-field state, with all the nutrimental goodnesses still intact, and then served up in a little pile of its own on one side of the plate.

Some of you may be wondering why Hannah made that cryptic reference to a broccoli called Albert - since when does anyone name broccoli Albert? For the benefit of those who don't know, she's making a reference to my webcomic, Cylinder and Miserable, in which Cylinder has an artificially-sentient vegetable called Albert S. Broccoli (the S. stands for Sentient) as his butler/chauffeur/manager/accomplice/whatever. He was named after the former James Bond film producer Albert R. Broccoli, as a joke, and now it's stuck.

Some fresh, juicy stats for you to chew on:

Twenty Questions status: 11 down, 9 to go
Days until Root Hill: 7
Latest book read: don't remember anything since Dianetics
Latest film/TV watched: Monsters vs Aliens
Latest music listened to: Cylinder and Miserable Official Webcomic Soundtrack: Series 1 Suite
Latest edible item eaten: some sort of cranberry breakfast cereal
Predominant colour of clothes: grey
Programs and web pages currently running: Incredimail, Firefox (tabs: Hannah's blog; Blogspot Dashboard; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post; Webs)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1335

- The Colclough

As Far as I Could Throw You

2011-08-12T13:53:00.002+01:00

Okay, I said I'd be off the internet for a bit because I'm staying with friends for a week, but Tim's gone out for an hour or so and Sarah's busy, which leaves me with the opportunity to borrow their computer and do a blog without feeling all antisocial. Muahaha!

Question 13: "Please can I have your bank details?"

No, I'm afraid you can't.

That's the reductionist answer, but actually this is an interesting question - is it a straightforward request for financial assistance? Or is it a test of how much I'd trust you? Allow me to elaborate.

What if this is about trust issues? We live in a paranoid world full of hackers and scammers, and those in the know tell us it's a bad idea to let anyone know anything about where your money is and how to get at it. Don't trust anyone as far as you can throw them, they say. I'm willing to believe them on that, although if circumstances conspired to make it necessary then I might conceivably share the critical numbers with a close friend. Not that I can imagine what those circumstances might be.

On t'other hand, it's not that I'm stingy and all. If the question is about you being broke and wondering if I could spare a fiver for a friend in need, then you could just ask for a fiver, and chances are I'd let you have one and I wouldn't expect it back.

However, I've just thought of a third possibility: what if someone wanted my bank details so they could put money in? Again, it depends who they are. Most people probably have no rational reason for putting money into my bank account, so I'd still be reluctant to tell them anything. But if you're all that desperate to part with your cash, I do accept cheques made to 'Matthew Colclough'.

Why d'you ask?

The good news is, I do trust you enough to show you my statistics:

Twenty Questions status: 10 down, 10 to go (half-way there, and still winning (just about))
Days until Root Hill: 8
Latest book read: don't remember anything since Dianetics
Latest film/TV watched: The 39 Steps (the 1978 version with Robert Powell)
Latest music listened to: the nearly-complete Cylinder and Miserable Official Webcomic Soundtrack: Series 1 Suite
Latest edible item eaten: bread and marmalade
Predominant colour of clothes: approximately grey
Programs and web pages currently running: it's someone else's computer, so this'll be a bit different to usual: Incredimail, Sony Vegas, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1334; Fort Paradox #70

- The Colclough

Grab Case, Insert Socks

2011-08-08T22:41:00.001+01:00

It seems appropriate that I should answer Question 12: "What is your suitcase packing method?" while half-way through actually packing a suitcase.

I'm a minimalist traveller by nature. Certain relatives (I shall name no names here) are prone to packing absolutely everything including the kitchen sink, even when they're only going away for two nights. An entire separate wardrobe must be taken along for each possible weather, no matter whether or not there's any realistic chance of that weather happening, and so on and so forth. Wellies rub shoulders with bottles of suncream. But me? I just grab a case, stuff in the bare minimum of clothes (calculated by a very advanced mathematical formula, which I'll explain below), pencils and related gubbins, the emergency ideas pad which usually lives under my bed in case I have inspiration at two in the morning, a book or two, some cash, and one or two other essentials like cotton buds (you know how they say not to put theose things down your ear? I never use them for anything else. How else are you supposed to get rid of itchy earwax?).

So, that formula. Assuming I'm going away for n nights, the formula requires exactly, and only, the following items of clothing to be packed:

n+1 pairs each of pants and socks (the +1 is in case of hideous accidents involving unexpected puddles of mud and suchlike)
n/2 t-shirts
if n>1, then 1 spare pair of jeans, 2 only if n is fairly large and the trip is expected to be a really messy one
1 jumper, or 2 if n>~4 and weather inclement
pajamas, irrespective of n
shoes - the one item which can't be reliably extrapolated from n

Exceptions may be permitted if n is a particularly large number (say >7) and the destination is known to have clothes-washing facilities and someone capable of using them properly.

Depending on the destination, my minimalism may be supplemented with some esoteric extras. For example, as I'm going to Cardiff tomorrow to see Tim and Sarah, we're hoping to shoot a bit more of Alpha One's Winter Wonderland, and I've got two new sets (admittedly small ones) in flat-pack form ready to take with me. So, bare minimalism plus odd-looking accessories to the business of stopmotion animation. That's what I call a suitcase packing method.

And to finish off, here's a handy travel-size blob of statistics:

Twenty Questions status: 9 down, 11 to go
Days until Root Hill: 12
Latest book read: I skim-read the introduction to Dianetics by L Ron Hubbard yesterday, and my inner being was deeply amused by the stupidity of it all
Latest film/TV watched: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Latest music listened to: I think I overheard a few minutes of the Tangled OST on little sister's CD player sometime today
Latest edible item eaten: fish and chips
Predominant colour of clothes: bluuue, uuuuuee-uuue-uueeeeee-uuu... ahem... *stops singing*
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1330

- The Colclough

I Think We Just Broke Metaphysics

2011-08-04T23:43:00.001+01:00

What follows could be one of the most confusing blog posts I've ever written, as I attempt (whether I'll succeed is another matter) to answer what is probably the strangest of Hannah's twenty queries, Question 2: "If you were an animal, how on earth did you become an animal?" I've decided I should tackle this one head-on, rather than pushing it further and further down the list while answering all the easier ones. Let's get it over and done with...

The really logical answer (at least that's what my brain tells me it is) would be "if I was an animal, then I probably would have come into being the way most animals do: by having two other animals of my species decide it was breeding time".

There's another technicality I should point out: you could argue that in terms of biological classification, I'm already an animal, in the sense that humans as a species are much more animal than they are plant or fungus or bacterium, i.e. in the sense that we've got bones and muscles and nerves and bloods and vital organs, we lack roots and leaves, and so on.

However, I suspect the question was meant to imply a transition from being human to being an animal. So, if I had achieved this feat, how would I have done it?

Having never done it, I don't have a definitive answer. But there are all sorts of exciting - read: worrying - hypotheses, which I shall list in order of decreasing probability (and, for the most part, of decreasing appeal):

Maybe a mad scientist kidnapped me and transferred my consciousness into a different body?
Maybe I was surreptitiously fed a gene graft formula by an unscrupulous aide?
Maybe I changed species during a freak teleportation accident?
Maybe I got bitten by a radioactive mutant thing and started expressing its genes instead of mine?
Maybe my life is part of a really weird webcomic, and I changed by cartoon logic?
Maybe I got abracadabra-ed by a senile old fairy godmother who was aiming for somebody else?
Maybe I set my heart on changing species, wished really really hard, and got what I wanted?
Maybe I died and it turned out the Hindus were right?

Oh boy, I hope not...

Now, if you'd asked what animal I would have been, that'd have made for an entirely different blog post. But you didn't.

Me statistics:

Species, at last check: Homo sapiens
Twenty Questions status: 8 down, 12 to go
Days until Root Hill: 16
Latest book read: ...keep assuming, etc...
Latest film/TV watched: The Bourne Ultimatum
Latest music listened to: still How to Train Your Dragon OST (I think)
Latest edible item eaten: beef burger
Predominant colour of clothes: back to blue
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1); Skype
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1328 and 1329; Fort Paradox #69 (going away for the weekend, so I posted them early)

- The Colclough

Bungeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrmmmaybe I won't, actually

2011-08-04T10:38:00.000+01:00

Question 18: "Would you ever go bungee jumping?"

The short answer is no, I really wouldn't. In fact, I'd sooner be tied to a dubiously thin-looking piece of rope and thrown headlong off the side of a bridge over a really deep canyon, and face the risk of getting splattered horribly over the ground if the rope isn't what it's cracked up to be. Oh, wait... that is bungee jumping, isn't it. I guess that's why I'm not going bungee jumping in a hurry B]

I am not, and never have been, an adrenaline junkie. People can harp on all they like about the 'thrills' of hurling themselves off buildings or out of aircraft, but I prefer to get my kicks from creative achievement, rather than from rash acts committed in the face of the laws of physics. From my point of view, completing a chapter of Fort Paradox is much more exciting than any amount of physical activity.

I'm not sure what else to say about that one, and I've fulfilled the minimum word count, so I'm going to leave it at that.

Sam's questions, #2: "Have you seen any Godzilla Films?"

No, but I really really really want to! Because giant mutant lizard monsters are cool - especially when they've got atomic death rays. Any offers of a DVD loan will be gratefully received.

Statistics time:

Twenty Questions status: 7 down, 13 to go
Days until Root Hill: 16
Latest book read: Tim has reminded me that The Stig gets 25p every time anyone uses the word 'Min*****t', so I'm going to stop saying the name of that book - you can keep assuming it's still the last thing I read, until I tell you I've read something else
Latest film/TV watched: The Bourne Supremacy
Latest music listened to: How to Train Your Dragon OST by John Powell (I think)
Latest edible item eaten: Weetos
Predominant colour of clothes: depends if you're looking at my legs or my top - overall, I suppose "desaturated medium tones" would just about cover it
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Josh's Most Excellent Blog; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1); Skype
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1327

- The Colclough

Ovine or Bovine?

2011-08-03T18:36:00.001+01:00

Apparently, in Latin, the difference between a sheep and a cow is the letter 'B'. And there was I, all that time, thinking the gap was a bit more substantial. This could pose difficulties in answering Question 15: "Sheep or cows?"

It all depends on the context.

Cows are bigger. So if I had to carry one of them for any length of time, I'd go for the sheep, but if I wanted to use farm animals as ballast (I don't know why, it's just hypothetical!) then I'd say cow.
Sheep taste more interesting... or do they? I've mostly had adult beef but non-adult lamb. To make a fair comparison, I should really be comparing beef to mutton, and lamb to veal. Looks like I've got more eating to do, doesn't it.
Cowjuice. Therefore cows get another vote. Enough said on that one.
If I was a biker I'd probably vote cow, because I don't think riding around on a motorbike in a big fluffy sheep skin would make you look very clever. But I'm not a biker. Mind you, I wouldn't want my shoes made of sheep either, so I guess that is still a vote in favour of cows.
Sheep are less likely to kill you if they get upset when you walk through their field. Also, if you happen to stand in their deposits, sheep deposit is smaller and won't cover as much of your shoe.
Speaking of footwear: sheep are much better at growing sock ingredients on their backs.
Bullying and cowardice are both frowned upon, but sheepishness isn't so much.
Sheep are probably funnier. Mostly because of the ball-of-wool-with-a-face-at-one-end effect.
And of course, we all know Hannah Likes Sheep (Baa!), so I daren't vote Cows anyway!

In conclusion: both have their advantages, but on balance, the answer is probably sheep.

Also: Sam's questions, #1: "If you could be in a Rock Band what Instrument would you Play?"

I never did get the hang of the fingering on string instruments, so that rules out Guitars and all variants. My singing (read: 'droning') is atrocious, so that rules out Vocals. So, um... do rock bands have keyboards? If they do, then I'd probably say keyboards, as I studied piano up to Grade 4, and I like the one-key-one-note setup. If they don't, then I guess that would leave me on drums. Why do I suddenly feel compelled to say something about "dusting for vomit"?

Because we do like us a few statistics:

Twenty Questions status: 6 down, 14 to go
Days until Root Hill: 17
Latest book read: go and take a wild guess. Really.
Latest film/TV watched: still The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Latest music listened to: How to Train Your Dragon OST by John Powell (specifically Track 9, New Tail)
Latest edible item eaten: sponge cake
Predominant colour of clothes: I haven't changed since this morning
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Create Post; National Rail Enquiries; MatNav 6.1); Microsoft Office Word 2007; Windows Media Player 11
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1326

- The Colclough

That's Novel

2011-08-03T11:07:00.000+01:00

Once again, please forgive me my rancid pun. Question 9: "Do you have a favourite novel?"

I'm usually very bad at picking favourites. But for once, I do actually have one: my favourite novel is The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis.

Yes, that's him of Chronicles of Narnia fame. The Screwtape Letters is a bit darker than that better-known series (as one would expect, since it's framed as a series of letters from a senior demon, the titular Screwtape, to his nephew Wormwood, encouraging him in his efforts to secure the damnation of a human 'patient'), but it manages the impressive feat of actually saying very profound and wonderful things about God and humanity and salvation, while appearing at face value to be saying the opposite. For all its devilish ranting, it's not that hard to read between the lines and appreciate Lewis' real intentions in the writing.

It's not a book I'd recommend for young readers, of course. The story mostly takes place during World War II, God is consistently referred to as 'the Enemy', and there is a definite recurring implication that the demons basically want unsaved humans for food. But for readers who know enough to see through the inverse logic, it's a brilliant book.

My favourite part is the ending. You might want to skip the rest of this paragraph if you haven't read the Letters, as it contains spoilers. The 'patient', who lives in London, is killed in a bombing raid in the space between the penultimate and last chapters, having maintained his faith despite Wormwood's efforts, and Screwtape spends his final letter berating Wormwood for his failure and describing in some detail what the 'patient' is now experiencing in Heaven, labouring the contrast between this and what Wormwood was supposed to have achieved. In parts, as per the rest of the book, very funny, but also unexpectedly moving.

[Housekeeping note] You might have noticed that, despite Hannah being seemingly disadvantaged in the race due to the fact that she's away from the internet for a week, I'm being all heartless and forging ahead anyway. But there's a good reason for this: what she doesn't know yet, because it wasn't even finalised until yesterday, is that I'm going away for a week in mid-challenge too. The plan is that I will be staying with friends from next Tuesday until the following Monday, and I probably won't be writing too many posts during the visit. So I'm getting ahead while I can, and I expect Hannah will have plenty of opportunity to catch up. See?

Because we do like us a few statistics:

Twenty Questions status: 5 down, 15 to go
Days until Root Hill: 17
Latest book read: will anybody be surprised if I say Operation Mincemeat?
Latest film/TV watched: appropriately enough, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader on Blu-ray (little sister's birthday present)
Latest music listened to: Jevok Horgam by Tim Johnston - Odom the Grud's theme from Arbitrary Stopframe 8
Latest edible item eaten: flapjack
Predominant colour of clothes: same as yesterday... again...
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1326

- The Colclough

...For the Height of Me...

2011-08-02T13:36:00.000+01:00

Sorry about the really weird post title. A rottenish pun on the phrase "for the life of me", of course. And wherefore? Because thusly, Question 6: "How tall are you?"

Five foot seven and a bit. Or, if you're a metricist, 171cm.

Okay, I'm supposed to write at least a 100-word answer to each question, and that was only 12 words. A bit short of target, no? So I'll take advantage of the feet/centimetres dichotomy, and the opportunity it affords me to go off and ramble about my approach to units of measurement.

So: I use a strange mix of imperial and metric measurements, depending what I'm trying to measure. I still prefer to measure myself (and anyone else, for that matter) in feet and inches. But I never could get my head around Fahrenheit.

In terms of linear distance, I'm fine with cms and mms on the smaller scale, but I will sometimes use inches instead for no particular reason, I always think of room measurements and people's heights in terms of feet, and I don't like trying to measure long distances in kms. I always think of the distance from home to, say, grandparents' houses, or to Cardiff, or wherever, in miles.
But if you introduce a third dimension, I suddenly come over all metric! True story. I can handle pints in the context of milk bottles and such, but for any other volume measurement I stick to litres. I'd take mls over tsps and tbsps any day.
I think decimal currency is a brilliant idea. The way forward is definitely to have coins and notes in units of 1, 2 and 5 multiplied by various powers of 10. That's the way we do it in Blighty, and when the Eurozone designed a new currency from scratch that's the way they did it too, because it is by far the most logical approach. Not saying I like the Euro as a concept, or the aesthetics of their notes and coins, but I will concede that they did, at least, use all the right note and coin denominations. Don't get me started on the silly Yankee system, with the missing 2c, the 25c instead of a 20, the missing $2, the weird naming foibles, the ghastly-looking $5 bill and so on.
And then there's temperature. Why on earth does the Fahrenheit scale place 0 at some arbitrary icy point, and call the freezing point of water 32? I always thought that was a bit daft, and I much prefer Celsius. Or even better, Kelvin, where 0 is defined as, well, absolute zero. What a sensible place to start!

So, there you go. That's how tall I am, and how I like to express how tall I am.

Are you a metricist?

Please don't feed the statisticians:

Twenty Questions status: 4 down, 16 to go
Days until Root Hill: 18
Latest book read: will anybody be surprised if I say Operation Mincemeat?
Latest film/TV watched: Top Gear Series 17 Episode 6, on BBC iPlayer
Latest music listened to: some Minecraft fan songs Ben showed me on YouTube
Latest edible item eaten: half a 'pains au chocolat'
Predominant colour of clothes: same as yesterday...
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: MatNav 6.1; Blogspot Dashboard; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post); The GIMP
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1325

- The Colclough

The Meanings of the Mediums

2011-08-01T16:32:00.000+01:00

Question 5: "Do you have a favourite medium to use when doing artwork?"

Nope.

That is to say, I don't think I have one overall favourite. I have different favourite media for achieving different objectives, and I find that using different ones for different projects helps to keep me sane. Ish. I think I'd go mad(der than usual) if I was forced to stick to the same medium for a long time.

Some examples:

If I'm trying to do an expressive drawing, I find it's a good idea to start in pencil, and work over it in ink and/or colour pencils once I've got the linework right. Example here.
On the other hand, if I want a more energetic feel, then I sometimes just go straight for the pen. For example, my latest Fort Paradox illustration, Episode 076.
I find paints are usually a more ad-hoc, hyper-analogue medium. I tend to use paints when I've got a general idea but I don't have all the detail worked out, and I just want to grab a brush and see what happens. There are exceptions (e.g. that kingfisher...) but a lot of my paintings are experiments in impromptunity. Did I just invent a word there?
When creating CD cover art (usually for Tim's compositions), I always work in the GNU Image Manipulation Program, because I feel CD cover art requires a certain level of technical sophistication. The component images may come from a variety of sources (scanner, camera, CGI renders, whatever) but the final composite is always done in GIMP.

I've also been given five more questions by Sam, which I will try to answer soon:

If you could be in a Rock Band what Instrument would you Play?
Have you seen any Godzilla Films?
If you could buy any car (money No Object) what would it be?
Which do you prefer: Motorhead or Metallica?
Who is your favourite Stand Up Comedian?

I shall try to answer these, as well as Hannah's questions, in the near future. So many questions... maybe I should have got a Formspring account after all?

Statistician Fodder:

Twenty Questions status: 3 down, 17 to go
Days until Root Hill: 19
Latest book read: still Operation Mincemeat
Latest film/TV watched: still Endgame
Latest music listened to: the 9-tune mashup that forms the soundtrack of Arbitrary Stopframe episode 8
Latest edible item eaten: apple and walnut cake, and coffee
Predominant colour of clothes: denim blue on one half, medium red on t'other
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; The Fantastic Blog of George Darlan; Josh's Most Excellent Blog; A White Horizon; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1); Sony Vegas; Microsoft Office Word 2007
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1324

- The Colclough

What to Answer Next?

2011-07-30T11:13:00.001+01:00

I started at the beginning and answered Question 1 first. Fair enough. But I don't think I'll be sticking to the order for much longer, mainly because Question 2 is the strangest and hardest-to-answer of the whole lot, and I need more time to chew it over. So where to go next? I don't want to do all the easy ones up front - some of them, maybe, but not all - so...

...um...

right, here goes: Question 4: "If you were a character in Doctor Who, who would you be?"

You know that green fellow with the giant pincers for hands, in Episode 257? I think that's probably me, because...

...no, I'm joking.

Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Rory Williams. Seems pretty obvious to me, anyhow. I'm proceding on the assumption that I'm supposed to compare the characters to my own actual traits rather than being idealistic. Part of me would dearly love to say the Doctor, of course, because he's ludicrously clever and all that, and he has a TARDIS. Tim and I have had... let's call it a discussion... of the relative merits of the TARDIS and the Enterprise. He maintains that by all objective standards of spaceship-ness, the Enterprise wins hands down. Which I suppose it does - it looks like a starship, it sounds like a starship, the crew all wear starship-ish uniforms, and so on and so forth. But that's all mere objectivity. I still think the TARDIS is subjectively better, in spite of everything. And it does have some objective advantages too, e.g. being able to travel through time just as easily as through space, and having about the same parking footprint as a Morris Minor, which is impressive for a vehicle with a library and a swimming pool inside.

But I digress. As much as I might like to compare myself to the last of the Time Lords, realistically I'd have to go with Rory. He's the one who I look at and recognise myself in. You know, the awkward, less-than-forceful personality, the way he gets the technically complicated stuff (e.g. the dimensionally transcendental TARDIS interior) but isn't always so much up to speed on dealing with the human beings, and so on.

That's not to say he doesn't have his strong points, e.g. his loyalty, which I would like to think applies to me too, although what with having never been anything other than single I've never had the opportunity to find out for sure about that one.

Did anybody think I was going to say someone else?

Statistically speaking:

Twenty Questions status: 2 down, 18 to go (still winning...)
Days until Root Hill: 21
Latest book read: Operation Mincemeat
Latest film/TV watched: Endgame (the 2009 film about the end of Apartheid in South Africa, not the other unrelated films of the same name) - I actually saw this before writing my last post, but I had the viewing order mixed up in my head and thought Sherlock had been later
Latest music listened to: Doctor Who Series 5 main theme (appropriately)
Latest edible item eaten: toasted muffin with bramble jelly
Predominant colour of clothes: mid-dark blue (what did I say about a recurring theme?)
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Create Post; my last post; MatNav 6.1); The GIMP; Windows Media Player 11
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1323

- The Colclough

Twenty Questions: The Beginning

2011-07-30T00:30:00.000+01:00

Okay, so I've gone and done it again. I've challenged Hannah 'LikesSheepBaa' Newcombe to another blogging race. If you were reading this blog, hers or both back in January, you'll already know that I initiated the "First 11 for '11" race, and ended up losing it by 10 posts to 11. Which means, of course, that I've got a score to settle!

There has been considerable debate over exactly what form this challenge should take, but we eventually settled on "Twenty Questions": each of us writes out a list of 20 questions (hence the name) and sends it to the other, and each question must form the basis of a blog post. First to answer all 20 questions wins.

That was the short explanation. There are some other rules too: minimum word count 100 per question, not including peripheral stuff like the post title, tags etc; each post must include stats at the end (same as the ones featured in "First 11 for '11", with a couple of additions); each blogger must comment on all of their rival's challenge posts. And we both have to be finished before the start of this year's Root Hill camp, on Saturday the 20th of August. The good news is that the questions can be answered in any order. I intentionally made my questions a mix of the very easy and the rather more arcane (I'll be very interested to see what order H answers them in), and it seems she's done the same.

So, here are the questions I sent her, which you will hopefully be able to read the answers to across the course of the next three weeks over at http://hannahlikessheepbaa.blogspot.com:

Where did the sheep obsession come from?
If you ruled the universe, what’s the first law you would pass?
What’s wrong with Doritos, anyway?
Who is your anti-role model?
How big are your feet?
Do you like mornings?
Beethoven or Bieber?
Ink or acrylics?
What’s the most overrated book out there?
Would you prefer an alien invasion or a zombie apocalypse?
What’s the strangest activity/project/group you’ve been involved with?
If you had to choose between your eyes and your ears…?
If you wrote a comic strip, what would it be about?
What’s your most recently formed life ambition?
So… what to do when life gives you lemons?
Which is the best chocolate bar, and why?
What would your dream house be like?
Has Steven Moffat dropped the ball?
Why is your car called that?
Is this the last question?

...and here are the ones she sent me:

We’ve reached the end of the Harry Potter era. Thoughts?
If you were an animal, how on earth did you become an animal?
How would you describe your taste in music?
If you were a character in Doctor Who, who would you be? (Side note, my friends have decided that I’m Donna. Take that as you wish!)
Do you have a favourite medium to use when doing artwork?
How tall are you?
If you were a shape, what shape would you be?
What is your favourite character that you’ve created so far?
Do you have a favourite novel?
You now have a type 40 TARDIS. Where and when would your top destinations be?
What is your earliest memory?
What is your suitcase packing method?
Please can I have your bank details?
Do you like broccoli when it isn’t named Albert?
Sheep or cows?
Zombies or unicorns?
What is your favourite smell?
Would you ever go bungee jumping?
If you were prime minister, what would you do differently?
If the answer is 42, what is the question?

Some of these will be very, very easy. Like number 1. Others, like number 2, will be rather more difficult.

So I've got about 20 days to answer 20 questions... better get started. And since there's no better place to begin than at the beginning, I may as well kick off with Question 1: "We’ve reached the end of the Harry Potter era. Thoughts?"

YES!!! *Punches the air and other excitable gestures*

Pretty much ever since I became aware of the existence of Harry Potter, circa 2001, I've been waiting for it to end. I don't have all that much against HP, apart from the ridiculous overblown fuss that everyone else has been making about it. It's just another fantasy series, really, but it's been hailed as the best thing since sliced bread, and crooned and drooled over by hordes and hordes of people as if it was the greatest story ever told. Which it isn't.

I've made a point of not following the series, just to assert my human right to nonconformity. That's not to say I'm completely ignorant of it, mind you - I know what all the books are called, what years they were published (or at least most of them), as well as what years the films came out, who directed them, and who wrote the scripts and the scores for them. I didn't set out to know all that stuff, I just absorbed the information by accident, because I have the sort of mind that can and does absorb that sort of information by accident.

I've read the first book and a half (when I had absolutely nothing better to do), and while I thought they were passable enough bits of literature, I'm not sure they're the healthiest reading matter for young minds, and I certainly didn't think their plotting or phraseology was scintillating enough to merit all the hype. The storyline hung together well enough, but I didn't think it attained the intricacy of, say, Doctor Who's Pandorica storyline. The use of the English language was fine, but it wasn't a patch on Douglas Adams (who, let's not forget, described the Vogon Constructor Fleet as "hanging in mid-air in exactly the way bricks don't", or something very similar).

I've seen tiny snippets of the first film, but not enough to comment on. I've seen the second in its entirety, and boy it was disappointing. The adult actors were fine - sometimes great, even, especially Alan Rickman - but the child leads came across unspeakably hammy by comparison. I'm told they've improved in the more recent films, but that doesn't change the fact that the world is forever saddled with their utterly atrocious early performances. Towards the end of Chamber of Secrets, Radcliffe's delivery of a certain line about the powers of phoenix tears made all my insides and brain juices squirm like mealworms in a fisherman's bait tin. Don't get me started on the phoenix, either. I'd heard the music for Chamber of Secrets long before I saw the film, and it led me to expect something a bit better from the VFX department. As in, it made me think the on-screen depiction of the phoenix would have a certain majesty, or at least dignity. It doesn't. What a disappointing bird. Although I will admit that from the trailers and things I've seen, the cinematography and effects seem to have improved as the series has gone on.

Sometime last year, they released the first teaser poster for Deathly Hallows, featuring Hogwarts half-destroyed and on fire, with the tagline "It all ends here". I loved that poster. In fact, it's one of my favourite posters of all time, mainly because of that little word 'ends'. The last film is currently in cinemas; soon it'll be out on Blu-ray and DVD, and then, there'll be nothing else to do, nowhere else to go... and maybe the world will finally shut up about it all. The silence will be golden.

I think I might have got a bit carried away there. Pretty sure that little rant is more than 100 words 8p

As per "First 11 For 11", the challenge requires statistics:

Twenty Questions status: 1 down, 19 to go (*checks Hannah's blog for recent updates* looks like I'm winning... for now...)
Days until Root Hill: 22
Latest book read: Operation Mincemeat by Ben Macintyre
Latest film/TV watched: Sherlock: The Blind Banker on iPlayer
Latest music listened to: something Tim wrote for the next Arbitrary Stopframe (coming soon!)
Latest edible item eaten: toothpaste doesn't count, does it? Before that, dinner. I'm afraid I can't remember what dinner was.
Predominant colour of clothes: blue (watch this space: blue could become a recurring theme, I think)
Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Create Post; Blogspot Dashboard; hannahlikessheepbaa.blogspot.com)
Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable #1322; Fort Paradox #68

- The Colclough

More Paint

2011-07-27T11:35:00.000+01:00

Just because I like showing off photos of my paintings in progress...

(No, the water isn't going to stay all black and depressing like that. There's some reeds and a load of light-blue reflections still to add)

And here's the really good bit: I've finished some of them!

#011: Stained Glass II (doesn't necessarily go this way up)

#012: Stained Glass III (yep, an unimaginative title, perhaps, but an accurate one)

You might notice the serial numbers have stopped being in hexadecimal. That's not because I've gone off hex or anything, it's just that I've decided I should probably save the ABCs to designate the constituent panels in multi-part works. Method in the madness, see?

- The Colclough

On Cars, and Human Frailty

2011-07-26T12:15:00.000+01:00

I finally saw Cars last night. Not the recently-released sequel, but the original from five years ago. What with my noted fondness for Pixar Animation Studios, it may seem odd that it's taken me half a decade to get round to watching one of their films. I would agree. But then, it's Cars. By popular concensus, it was until a few weeks ago the weakest of the studio's 11 feature films - just look at the scores on Rotten Tomatoes, where it came in with just 74%, which would be respectable enough for most studios but is almost a disgrace compared to the 90%-plus earned by every other Pixar film up to last year.

I saw about two-thirds of the film on DVD when it was playing in the background in a house in India back in early 2007, where I was supposed to be helping to sort out the contents of a largeish cupboard. The whole cupboard was one huge festering pile of clutter, I didn't have the faintest idea where any of the stuff was meant to be going, and of course it didn't help having a previously-unseen Pixar film distracting me. All in all a horribly embarrassing experience. And I still didn't see the film properly.

I'm never going back to India. Ever. Although I should point out that this decision has got more to do with the night spent vomiting my guts out in a hotel bathroom and being pretty sure I was dying, and with an incident involving unidentified keys, than it has to do with residual cupboard-sorting issues.

Anyway, Cars turned up on BBC iPlayer over the weekend, and last night I sat down and watched it, finally filling the long-standing hole in my experience of things Pixar.

It was alright, I guess.

For Pixar, that's a damning indictment. Everything from Toy Story (1995) to The Incredibles (2004) and from Ratatouille (2007) to Toy Story 3 (2010) was excellent, or at least oddball and intriguing enough to merit repeat viewings, if not both. I'm not alone in having come to expect excellence from John Lassetter and his colleagues, and I'm not alone in feeling let down by a film which, to be honest, would have been considered serviceable enough coming from anyone except them. To be honest, Cars' meh-ness is compounded into disappointment only by the fact that it was sandwiched between two Oscar-winning Brad Bird-helmed pieces of absolute genius made at the same studio.

But disappointing it was. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with it, mind you, just that it lacked a certain spark that its stablemates had. It may have been just as visually appealing as anything else Pixar have done, but the characters and story don't grab the mind or the heart. Sure, Lightning McQueen could beat WALL-E in a drag race any day, but the little trash-compacting robot was by far the better character (maybe because he talked so much less?) and had by far the better film.

And then, there came the sequel. When I first heard that they were making Cars 2, my gut reaction was 'Why?'

I still don't know why. And judging by the critical reaction (a mere 37% on the Rotten Tomatoes review aggregator as of today), nobody else is too sure why either - unless the dirty rumour about merchandising is true. Cars sold a lot of merchandise, I'm told. Did they really make a sequel just to sell more toys? I hope not. That's a miserable stunt usually pulled by hack filmmakers, and we all thought that was beneath the master craftsmen at Pixar.

Which leads me to the theme of human frailty. In particular, the fact that we should be very careful about how much we hero-worship our favourite artists, musicians, sport stars etc. There everybody was, for fifteen glorious years, absolutely convinced that Pixar were some sort of computer-animation demigods... and then Cars 2 happened, and it turned out they were only human after all. They may be great (and they may well get their form back), but they've got the same blood in their veins as the rest of us, and with it the same weaknesses.

Amy Winehouse is dead. I only know because BBC News ran a piece about it yesterday. The usual dead-pop-star routine - hordes of grieving fans laying floral tributes, lots of glowing words about the departed, and somewhere in the background the unsavoury but all-too-familiar suggestion of an overdose. Frankly, I don't really care. But judging by the images of crowds outside her home, there are plenty who do, some of them seemingly to the point of obsession. Another case of setting too much store by a favourite human icon? A different case to my own, perhaps, but stemming from the same rootstock.

The first trailer has been released for Pixar's next film, Brave, due out next year. Most of it looks really good - its grim, rugged production design a polar opposite to the neon gloss of the Cars franchise - but there's one huge, glaring flaw: the main character's face looks terrible. Seriously. Look this picture in the eye and tell me there isn't something wrong with it. I can't put a finger on the problem, but that face just doesn't ring true. The design is stylised, but it's still almost uncanny-valley territory, which is an achievement in itself. And not a good omen for Pixar. Please, I'm begging you, Lassetter, CHANGE THE FACE, NOW, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. Peter Jackson had Gollum's face redesigned just 8 months out from the relase of The Two Towers. You've got 13 months before Brave releases. You've got time to save it. Please please please PLEASE change that face.

Humans...

- The Colclough

Finale Again

2011-07-15T17:11:00.000+01:00

So, Sidewards ended this morning. Again. This time, Tim assures me, it really is over. And once again, I think I believe him.

Unlike the previous 'ending' at Episode 086, this one at Episode 152 actually makes sense as a closing-out point for the series, as it explains who the sandwiches are/become, and leads back into the events of Cylinder and Miserable Series 1, although the fact that they seem to have attacked Doctor Mallard instead of Cylinder is an unexpected twist to the tale.

And now, as the creator of Cylinder and Miserable and the final authority on what did or didn't really happen in the Geometriverse, I face a very interesting challenge: the decision on if and how Sidewards fits into the overall 'mythology'. It can't be fully canonised, as it has some discontinuities with the parent show, e.g. the fact that it depicts the creation of the WSDMRF (and, by implication, the Fungal Temple), without leaving any space for the longish back history implied for the organisation in C&M. But there are some aspects which I definitely want to call canon, especially the existence of Field-Marshal Store. I know he's only a supporting character, but he amuses me.

So I'm going to have to have a long hard think about how it could fit. Possible explanations could include Sidewards being a fully-accurate history from a parallel Geometriverse, or an altered set of memories posessed by one or more characters after a neuroprogramming accident. But I'm not sure whether I really want to go down either of those routes.

Whatever I decide, it'll probably be revealed during the course of C&M Series 3, which I've recently started writing, and which (if I've got my maths right) could start appearing online early next year.

Watch this space!

And if you haven't yet ingested the bizarre adventures of the psychotic, industrial-sabotage-committing bacon sandwiches, their neuroprogrammer overlords and their fungal enemies/allies, then please, clicky on this link here and go and fry your brains. Right. Now.

And Tim: it's been a great ride. Thank ye.

- The Colclough

Unrelated Bits

2011-07-13T20:21:00.001+01:00

* Not sure whether to be really excited or scared stiff about this bit of news: Benedict Cumberbatch being cast as Smaug in The Hobbit - not only doing the voice, but (apparently) some motion-capture performance as well. Now, don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against Cumberbatch. I loved his turn as Sherlock last year, and am looking forward to Series 2. But I always thought Smaug would be voiced by someone a bit... older? And the burning question of the day is: how the heck do you motion-capture a dragon? But what with the whole production being so darned secretive about the character, it looks like I'll just have to wait and see 8p

* Hedge-trimming hurts. That was Monday, and I'm still aching on Wednesday.

* I miss programming. I recently revisited a breakout-type game I wrote back in 2006, and got really nostalgic. I spent two blissfully happy years (I'm sure there's some rose-tinted-spectacles-ness going on there, but never mind) dabbling in Visual Basic 6 on the college computers while I was at sixth form, but since then I've been largely unable to do any programming, due to my lack of access VB6, the fact that VB7 onwards is incompatible with all my old VB6 code, and the fact that every other language I've come across is far more difficult to work with. I miss the feeling of power when you bend the computer to your will.

So I decided to go programming again. I had a look at C++ yesterday. It's supposed to be the world's favourite language, but I can't see how to get started - the Microsoft C++ compiler is hideously over-complicated, and the GNU Compiler Collection has got a really neat trick up its sleeve: they only distribute it as un-compiled source code, which means you have to use another compiler to compile the GNU compiler before you can use the GNU compiler to compile anything else... which defeats the point of having the GNU compiler in the first place. The open-source community has done many wonderful things, but an uncompiled compiler just reeks of stupidity, IMHO.

So instead, I looked into Java. The Java developer kit installed fine on my PC... and then refused to run, point blank. I tell it to start the program, and it just gives me this blank stare. I hate it when computers do that.

I wish they hadn't destroyed Visual Basic with all those stupid changes in version 7. It may share some similar syntax with version 6, but it basically isn't the same language any more.

I might not be going programming again after all.

* More painting:

Untitled Kingfisher Painting (the main difference this time is the added branch and leaf detail on the right, plus a few other, subtler touches)

Stained Glass II (no, you're right, it was the other way up in the last photo)

Told you the geometry would get clearer!

- The Colclough

On the Tip of My Brain

2011-07-11T21:57:00.000+01:00

Do you ever get that feeling like you've had a brilliant idea, and it's sitting on the tip of your brain waiting to be thought, but you can't quite get it to take shape and come out in words? Do many people get that? Is it a normal feeling, or is it just me being weird?

Well, in this case it's a whole fictional world that won't co-operate. I mentioned Frozen Bones in passing way back in this post from December, and stated that it had spent quite a while in 'development hell' - film-and-television terminology for the state where you're trying to get a project together, and it isn't working. As often as not this has more to do with a lack of money than a lack of script, but in the case of Frozen Bones it's the script. I've got a load of characters and things, and it feels like they should all fit together to create a strange but entertaining whole, but it's proving perversely difficult to write a story around it.

I'm currently on the second attempt. A couple of months ago I thought I'd got it, and I wrote three episodes, which introduced all of the characters and were intended as the jumping-off point for a longer series. Then I showed them to Tim, and he said it didn't work. And then I re-read them, and I realised that he was right: the first two-and-a-half scripts read like a bunch of introductions, and not much else. There was precious little time spared for either story or humour, which completely defeated the object of the series. There was the odd moment, especially towards the end of Episode 3, but nowhere near enough.

So I threw the whole lot out, re-tooled several of the characters, and started again, and after much brain-racking, I've got several promising snippets for a new Episode 1, but the overall story remains infuriatingly elusive. Grr.

- The Colclough

Now Illustrated!

2011-07-08T10:18:00.000+01:00

Just thought I'd show you some photos of the stuff I've been rambling about lately...

Untitled Kingfisher Painting (now greener than ever!)

Beginnings of a second stained-glass experiment, this time with more freehand-ish geometry. Any resemblance to an eye was purely coincidental.

The line work hasn't shown up too well in the photo, but this is another of my abstract-geometry ramblings. The image will be a LOT clearer in the finished product.

And finally, those snails...

Cepaea Nemoralis shells, x8

That photo is currently my computer wallpaper. Just thought you might like to know that.

Maybe next time I'll actually think of something to talk about 8p

- The Colclough

The Varnish of Impedence

2011-07-06T14:37:00.000+01:00

Typical, isn't it - just when you've got three different paintings on the go at once and you really want to work on them, you find you can't because the work table has been dragged outside, sanded down and covered in wet varnish. Hmph.

I had a rotten sleep (or lack of) last night, and I'm barely awake enough to write a coherent sentence. (Not sure what possessed me to think I could paint coherently.) My dreams were profuse and pointless, and among other things they involved a shower room with a kitchen-sink waste shredder in the floor, a moment where I relived a minor event from a few days ago and then realised in-dream that i was reliving a past event in a dream (that was a seriously bent piece of metaphysics), and a failed attempt to navigate a really badly designed Portal-style test chamber. Then I woke up, forgot all the rest (which there was a lot of) and then wished I was still asleep.

I've got some recently-acquired snail shells sitting on the kitchen windowsill waiting to be cleaned. So I'll go and clean them and see if any more writable thoughts occur to me while I'm at it.

*Goes and cleans shells*

While cleaning the shells, it occurred to me that I may as well talk about shells for a bit. The ones I've just been cleaning up are mostly Cepaea nemoralis, alias Grove Snails or Brown-Lipped Snails. My interest in collecting shells in general, and my soft spot for C nemoralis and the very similar species C hortensis (White-Lipped Snails) in particular, date back to around 1994, when I found an empty snail shell in the back garden and decided to keep it. It's gone from there.

For a few years I collected more exotic species by buying them, but more recently my collecting habits have gone native again, and among other things I've been gathering shells off the beaches in different parts of the country where we've been on holiday, which has turned up some interesting results. E.g. the winkle shells were nearly all yellow off Guernsey, nearly all black off Northumberland, and a surprisingly broad range of colours in the Menai Straits; while my clams from the Sussex coast are much more robust than ones from Cornwall.

As an unrelated aside: I came across an interesting word in the King James version of Leviticus this morning: "beeves". As in, "...whether the offering be of the beeves or of the sheep or of the goats..." - so by cross-referencing it against other translations, and with other words like "beef" and "bovine", it seems to mean "cattle". So there we go: my random archaic word for the day.

So now I've managed to write a fairly longish post where only the first couple of lines have anything to do with the title. But I like the current title anyway, and I can't be bothered to change it.

- The Colclough

A Microcosm of Extremities

2011-06-30T21:47:00.000+01:00

I went for another of my walks by the River Blackwater this morning, and I came across a rather paradoxical little scene: some sort of bird lying dead in some grass (I'd guess a magpie, but there was enough missing that I couldn't really tell) - fairly unpleasant, but then again, things die. Fact of life. And then, sitting on the corpse, there was an immaculate red admiral butterfly, apparently unfazed by its mouldering perch. I got within two feet of it, and it just sat there.

Ironic, I thought, that the closest I've ever got to a live butterfly in the wild was when it had decided to take a sunbath on top of a headless bird corpse.

I briefly toyed with the idea of trying to read some significance into the event, but then decided not to bother. These things happen, I guess.

Then I thought about painting it. The jury is still out on whether or not that's a good idea.

Speaking of painting stuff from the Blackwater, here's some more development on my kingfisher:

Untitled Kingfisher Painting (work in progress++)

I did some more work on it today, but I haven't got a photo of the latest increment yet.

- The Colclough

The Flying Strawberry Waltz

2011-06-17T21:25:00.000+01:00

Imagine, if you will, a bungalow, with a sizeable proportion of its garden given over to fruits and vegetables. One of the more eye-catching features is a pair of cage-cum-tent structures made of fine-mesh chicken wire, bamboo canes and what-have-you, each housing a bed of strawberries on four-foot stilts. One cage has a second strawberry bed at ground level, but a quick analysis of the crop reveals that the flying strawberries are the best ones.

The surrounding patch of garden is a miniature-scale maze of little concrete paths and wooden boardwalks, not always easy to navigage thanks to factors such as the rampant beetroot plants taking over some areas.

It's raining. Everything that isn't concrete, boardwalk, beetroot, strawberry or some other vegetation is mud. Temperature somewhere in the low to mid teens, at a guess, but feeling a bit colder thanks to the precipitation.

Two lanky figures skulk around in this little agrarian labyrinth: grandfather and grandson, [age undisclosed] and 23 respectively, although it might be hard to tell which is which underneath the large raincoats. Both pick their steps carefully, the one because he wants to avoid squashing his soil and impeding its horticultural usefulness, and the other because he doesn't really like getting covered in mud. Both perfectly valid excuses, in their own different ways.

The cages are opened - eventually. They are engineered to be blackbird-proof, and it would seem that they have succeeded, so long as you take the view that a structure's blackbird-proof-ness is proportional to its human-proofness. It takes a few minutes to unpick all of the tie-wraps holding the side sheets on so that the fruits can be harvested. Most of the ripe berries make their way into the plastic bowl held by the junior conspirator, while one or two of the best are scoffed straight off the plant, and a few other not-so-best examples are sent for flying lessons.

It may have been stated that the best strawberries are the flying ones. However, it was also true that the worst ones were flying ones, albeit in a very different way. Not so much 'flying' in the sense of 'having grown in the high-level beds'; more in the sense of 'being propelled over the back fence in an elegant aerial trajectory'. The awkward, ground-avoiding perambulations of the two harvesters are counterpointed, in a very peculiar waltz, by the simple, swift flight of the slug-eaten or just plain rotten fruits.

Strange that the most crisp and straightforward path of movement should be achieved by the least attractive blobs in the garden.

There's a one-track road in a little cutting on the far side of the fence, and there's a moment of guilty horror just after a largeish quality-assessment failure is dispatched outwards: what if there's a motorist down there? What if some poor blighter is driving innocently along and minding their own business, and they suddenly find their vehicle decorated with an unexpected splodge of bad strawberry? What if... oh dear. The word 'windscreen' rushes to the mental forefront, followed by the prequel phrase 'unable to see out of'. This could be bad... very bad... who would have thought a mere strawberry - especially a rotten one - could do so much damage?

But then the moment passes, with a reassuring lack of hideous metallic crunching noises. If the dodgy berry does meet a car now, then it'll be safely pancaked under the tyres rather than clouding the driver's vision and sending them off the road. Strawberry averted, one might say. Thank goodness for that.

Well, there's only so much fruit on the bushes, and only so much rain the human soul can take in an afternoon anyway, so eventually the two raincoat-shrouded figures shuffle off back into the bungalow, and leave the little flying plants to carry on the good work, and ripen some more berries - ready for the exercise to be repeated tomorrow. If the rain lets up.

- The Colclough

Two Bits of Wood

2011-06-16T20:21:00.001+01:00

You may or may not be aware that I have, once again, left the old lair (maybe you noticed that Cylinder and Miserable has taken yet another one-and-a-half-week break from posting, or maybe you didn't). Well, this time I'm doing something a bit different for a few days, namely helping my Grandad fit a new kitchen.

A reductionist description of today's achievements: we've cut two bits of wood to size.

That's not exactly a fair summary though, as it fails to mention that the bits of wood in question are the main sections of worktop, and they've had to be fitted with millimetre precision into a room which doesn't even have properly square walls. And there's a nice complicated joint where the two bits fit together. And they weigh a ton or two each (figurative tons, admittedly). And there was a whole sink in the way, which needed to be removed before we could make any further progress, and which has now become a lawn decoration. And the router pretended to break down, which raised some doubts as to whether we'd be able to make that nice complicated joint at all.

I think every single measurement must have been double-checked, triple-checked, quadruple-checked, re-checked, cross-checked, counter-checked and generally checked-to-within-an-inch-of-its life. Or rather, to within half a millimetre of its life. But it all paid off, as the joint is about as tight as it could possibly have been without the use of computer-guided laser cutting tools.

No, I admit it, I didn't deploy a computer-guided laser cutting tool. In fact, as much as this fact may shock you all: I don't even own one. I should of course point out that this sad fact is a result of financial and logistical constraints, rather than choice on my part. I'd quite happily have a big shiny computer-controlled laser cutting tool if you wanted to give me one. Don't know what I'd cut with it now that the worktop has been chopped, but never mind that.

I digress.

You should have seen the amount of sawdust we generated (well, Grandad did the sawdust-generating, mostly, but I share the guilt by implication). I can now inform you, from experience, that making a 3655mm-long cut with a 12mm router bit is a bad idea, unless you've got a pre-planned use for an Atlantic-sized ocean of powdered chipboard.

I've also attempted, and largely failed, to fix Grandad's old PC. We formatted C and did a clean install of Windows ME (yes, yes, I know - that's just the installer disc we had available). It's now locked itself into 16-colour VGA mode, and I can't find anything that'll let me change it to a proper colour palette or a decent resolution. Very weird. Never seen a computer do that before. What's really odd is that I've tried a Ubuntu live CD on it, and that runs 24-bit colour depth perfectly well. It's just Windows ME being strange and difficult. Then again, maybe Open Source kicking Millennium Edition's sorry behind isn't really that odd after all...

In other news, I've finished the second draft of Megastropulodon Episode 6, and started the next phase: unsurprisingly, *drumroll* third drafts, beginning once again at the beginning with Episode 1. I've decided to try doing this round on paper rather than just being glued to the word processor all the time, and that's involved printing out the 29-page document. It feels much more of an achievement when you see it take the form of a huge wad of paper, compared to when it was just so many kilobytes of digital data. Now I need to convert it from a neatly-printed wad of paper to a profusely-scribbled-on wad of paper, and tighten up the narrative yet again. Oh joy.

I think that's all for now. I might blog again if the DIY gets too slow and boring.

- The Colclough

Mixed Stuff

2011-06-08T15:43:00.000+01:00

Yay for anthology blogs! At least this time I've got a keyword that conveniently helps describe all of my points...

Mixed Reactions: Tim told me yesterday that he has written the last-ever episode of Sidewards - again. This time, I'm told, it really is the end, and there are only a few weeks left before the final instalment of the strange but hugely enjoyable sandwich-assassin-fuelled weirdness is published online. I'm really looking forward to finding out how the plot resolves, but there'll be a little sandwich-shaped hole in my internet life for months afterwards.

Mixed Media: speaking of webcomics, yesterday I finished illustrating Fort Paradox episodes 67 to 70, using a technically complex art style that gives a parchmenty look (appropriate, considering the subject matter - you'll see what I mean when I publish the strips in a few weeks' time), which involved hybridising pencil sketches, an ink drawing, a failed attempt to incorporate oil pastels, and quite a lot of digital manipulation and arty-farty typography.

As a random side note, the new episodes are the longest consecutive run of FP strips to use the Candara font - the previous record being three, for strips 26 to 28.

Mixed Shades of Green: remember that pencil-on-canvas sketch of a kingfisher in action, which I mentioned a couple of posts back? I said in my last post that I'd painted the sky in, and this morning I've done a second, rather more involved round of painting, this time focussing on the vegetation. It took five different tubes of paint (only one of which was green) and five different brushes to create what could be described, in a reductionist analysis, as a big blob of green. But I'm quite pleased with my big blob of green, so I've decided it's time to take another photo and show you my progress:

Untitled Kingfisher Painting (still a work in progress... but this time with more progress!)

Mixed Quality: I saw the Doctor Who 'mid-series finale' A Good Man Goes to War the other day, and I feel compelled to comment on it. I'm amazed that a certain sheep-liking ginger person hasn't blogged on this topic yet, what with her well-documented obsession with all things Whovian, but that's beside the point.

The point is that for me, AGMGTW was a very mixed bag, brilliant and depressing in equal measure. It had some excellent lines (I found Rory's final remark before the title sequence particularly funny), and lots of lovely VFX stuff, and so on and so forth, and in several places it showcased the usual Steve Moffat cleverness. And that Sontaran was hilarious. But there were problems, on a scale I haven't seen before in a Moffat-scripted episode. Spoilers follow, so if you haven't seen it yet, you might want to skip the rest of this post - if you're going, then take a biscuit, and I'll see you next time. Otherwise, you're in for some ranting and railing.

Moffat, like Davies before him, seems to have something against the Church. Yes, I know, that's common enough, but it does get depressing when one's favourite science-fantasy telly show feels it has to join in the bashing. Granted, Moffat's bizarre depiction of the 51st-century 'Church', as a pseudo-faith-based interplanetary military organisation, seems to be stabbing mainly at Roman Catholicism (what with a reference to 'the Papal Mainframe') and high-church Anglicanism rather than the smaller, more down-to-earth Baptist congregations like the one I belong to, but it still irks a bit.

Some of the supporting characters were frankly unnecessary. Lorna came across (IMO, anyway) as an insipid example of the 'person who is in awe of the Doctor and desperate to meet him' archetype, and I really couldn't work out for the life of me why 'Thin One' and 'Fat One' had been included at all. I don't think they added anything interesting to the plot whatsoever, and they should have been cut from the script before the episode got anywhere near the filming stage. I've written some screenplays, and I know a thing or two about writing out unnecessary side characters, and I'm sure AGMGTW would have been better off without those two.

So, that's the thematic and narrative problems whinged about. And finally: anatomy. Yes, you read that right. The thing is, I'm a great stickler for basic anatomical plausibility in fictional creatures. I can accept the hypothetical existence of a faun, a unicorn (provided you assume the horn doesn't grow until after birth, so the baby doesn't rip the mother apart from the inside), a dragon, and many other things, but there are some fantasy critters out there whose anatomy just doesn't make any sense. As I explained in this post back here, I dislike centaurs on the grounds of their badly-thought-out physiology. You try to figure out the skeletal structure or the position of the major organs, and you'll quickly find out that they just don't fit! Which is where the Headless Monks go wrong as well. The phrase 'Headless Monks' does sound rather funky, but the literally-headless chaps in AGMGTW have a few fundamental anatomical glitches. You've got to wonder: how do they eat, drink, taste, breathe, smell, hear or see? Most known higher life-forms do all those things with their heads, and if the Monks don't have a head then they could face some serious difficulties. Well, not 'face' the difficulties as such, since the face is part of the head and they therefore don't have one, but you know what I meant. My suspension of disbelief can stretch to cover the Weeping Angels, the Vashta Nerada, the Star Whale, the Pandorica, Sardick's sky machine, the Silence, and many other things, but people who stay alive without heads? Sorry, Steve, you've lost me.

Here's hoping the monsters in the next few episodes make a bit more sense.

And, for those who are still reading: sorry about the whinyness.

Have a biscuit.

- The Colclough

Random Shoes

2011-05-31T15:45:00.000+01:00

No relation to the Torchwood episode of the same name. I just couldn't be bothered to think up a clever title for another anthology post.

1) A painting that I somehow ended up not posting when I first did it:

#00A: Another Day

Yes, that serial number is in hexadecimal. Because I can. Interpret that fact (and the rest of the painting, for that matter) as you will.

On a related note, I've started painting the kingfisher, but it's not really worth uploading another photo yet as I've only done the sky so far.

2) CGI robots! Another one. I've had this idea at the back of my mind for a while, for a computer-animated short film about dolly mixtures, called Golden Cube. A few months ago I finally managed to work out what was going on with the story (with some help from a friend at church), and then started experimenting with production design. I re-used a load of elements from a previous CGI project which had fallen through, including the robot which was meant to be the main character, but the robot design just never looked right. So over the weekend I decided to throw it out and start again from scratch, taking more than a little inspiration from Dyson vacuum cleaners in terms of the elemental geometry, the semi-exposed gubbins and the bold colour schemes. Here's the latest render of the new droid (still WIP, I might add - the eye needs a lot more work, and the arm is mostly missing), along with a piccy of its spiritual predecessor, courtesy of the internets:

Ancestor on the left, Descendant on the right

There's probably a bit of WALL-E in there somewhere as well, but that's beside the point.

3) Arbitrary Stopframe still hasn't officially ended. I've sort of got a plan for Episode 8, and I've had Odom the Grud sitting on my desk for about a month, in intermittent peril from marauding hamsters (I'm not sure if hamsters like the taste of plasticene, but I haven't left Odom within range for long enough to find out), waiting to film, but there are one or two little creative obstacles to be overcome first. My apologies for the ridiculously long wait.

4) Cylinder and Miserable has its fifth anniversary a week on Thursday. It's been half a decade (as close as makes no difference) since I started writing it. And for once, it feels like it. To be honest, it doesn't really feel like it was only yesterday, or any of that stuff.

I feel all old and decrepit now, saying things like that...

- The Colclough

Fresh Air and Canvases

2011-05-20T17:48:00.000+01:00

I mentioned back at the end of March that I had decided to alter my morning routine to include a walk.

Well, yesterday, as I was pootling along the bank of the River Blackwater on my self-imposed programme of perambulations, I was faced with a fork in the path. The main path went off to the left, while the smaller one followed a meandering bit of the river off to the right. More Direct vs. More Interesting?

I chose More Interesting, and shuffled off down the smaller path.

Turns out that was a good choice.

About half-way along More Interesting, there was a splosh noise, followed by a vivid-blue streak leaving the water and heading for a nearby branch. The kingfisher was even decent enough to spend a couple of minutes just sitting on the branch, right where I could see him, before he headed off again.

So I decided to paint it. Not a photographically-accurate, taxonomist-pleasing portrait, mind you, more an impressionist rendition of the moment of the dive. I've had a 32" x 12" canvas under my bed since Christmas, when I was given it along with my brushes, acrylics and canvas 'doodle pad', and I've kept wondering which way up it should go, and what on earth to put on it - after all, 2.66666 : 1 is a pretty extreme aspect ratio. But now I have a plan. Rather than bothering to explain the plan in words, I'll just show you a photo of the canvas with the planned image sketched onto it:

Untitled Kingfisher Painting (work in progress)

I might even post a photo of the finished product eventually, if you're lucky B]

- The Colclough

Which Fifty was Which?

2011-05-18T15:10:00.000+01:00

Okay... it's been forever (translation: well over 3 months) since I made my 50th post on here, featuring "Fifty Facts and Fifty Fibs". Exactly one person offered me their answers/guesses, and it doesn't look like anyone else is going to bother now, so I've decided to mark my 60th post on A White Horizon by supplying you all with the answers, however disinterested you may be in them. Here goes...

I was born in Southampton. FALSE - Portsmouth, actually
If you follow my dad’s-dad’s-dad etc line back far enough, one of them was a second cousin of Henry VIII. FALSE
I hold Australian dual citizenship. TRUE
I am the oldest of 5 siblings. FALSE - there are only 4 of us
I have a high-functioning autistic spectrum condition. TRUE - we're talking Asperger's Syndrome or something similar
I’ve always been single. TRUE - and no wonder, what with me being so geeky and awkward and number-5-being-true-ish and all those other offputting traits and habits I've got
I got dumped once, but it was a bit irrelevant because I didn’t know I was in a position to be dumped from. TRUE
My eyes are green. FALSE - they're brown
I need glasses because I’m long-sighted. FALSE - I'm short-sighted
I am a morning person. VERY FALSE
Breakfast, for me, is usually some sort of cereal with milk on it. FALSE – I always keep the cereal and milk strictly separated, and sometimes I even have toast instead
I’ve got a random patch of hair on my lower back, and I’ve never been able to work out whether it’s meant to be there. TRUE
I’ve never had a filling, blood transfusion, broken bone, braces, piercing, tattoo, hangover, or basically anything. TRUE - unless I had something when I was 2 or younger and nobody's ever told me about it
I hate having anything tight around my neck. TRUE - ties are a nightmare, and I will only wear them for weddings and funerals or under torture
I am allergic to lavender. FALSE
I have an irrational phobia of spreadsheet software. FALSE - I love spreadsheets
My favourite colour is white. TRUE
I have three left feet. FALSE - but I do have two of them, as I’m sure Hannah can confirm after a certain incident in Kent back in January…
My first home was in Havant, near Portsmouth, but we moved to Bristol when I was 3 weeks old. TRUE
After leaving Havant, we lived in Bristol for six years. FALSE - only five years
One of my earliest memories is of getting scared to death by the unexplained presence of a small, stuffed E.T. toy in my bedroom when I was about 2 or 3. TRUE
One of my clearest memories from my early childhood in Bristol involves our old Peugeot 104 breaking down in the carpark exit at Asda. FALSE - the Peugeot was real, and it did break down a lot, but the Asda incident is fictional
During my three years in primary school, I earned notoriety for accidentally flooding the men’s room. FALSE
One of my oddest memories from primary school was when my class was taken to the staff room and fed turnips. I can’t remember the reasons, just the vegetables. TRUE
I used to be an avid roller-skater. FALSE
I set fire to my hair once, I think when I was 7 or thereabouts. FALSE
I’ve lived in a hotel room for about three weeks. TRUE
I once had an ice-cream birthday cake which turned out to be sesame-seed flavour. TRUE
I’ve lived in Hong Kong for two years. TRUE
While living in Hong Kong, one of my most prized possessions was a two- or three-inch-long snail shell which I found in a gutter. TRUE
Throughout our stay in Hong Kong, we had to get a non-air-conditioned bus to and from church, because the bus operator never bothered putting any on that particular route, the lousy so-and-sos. FALSE - they did start putting air-con buses on Route 85 about half-way through our stay
I was forced to learn to touch-type when I was about 8 or 9. I resented it a bit at the time, but I now find it extremely useful, so I’m retroactively grateful. TRUE
In my previous house, I had a playroom in the garage conversion. FALSE - it was in the loft
I once helped to fell a giant conifer which had been irreparably damaged by a storm. FALSE - the tree was real, and got felled about 10 or 11 years ago, but I wasn’t involved
I have been to France, Germany and Poland in the last ten years. FALSE - I've never been to continental Europe
I studied the piano (not sure whose idea it was) for a few years, but gave up after passing ABRSM Grade 4. TRUE
I was once in the same room as one of the guys who designed the basic audio-handling layer for the MPEG-2 video coding algorithms. I didn’t get to speak to him, as I don’t know any Japanese, and the translators were busy. FALSE
I’ve been involved in three road accidents since passing my driving test in September 2007. TRUE
I only have a driving license for automatic cars. FALSE - I currently drive an automatic (it’s Mum’s car, and she had a bad relationship with its predecessor’s clutch pedal), but I’ve got a full manual license
I’ve had a week’s work experience with the BBC. FALSE - it was with Sky
I hold a Bachelor of Arts degree in Media Production. FALSE - it's a Bachelor of Science degree
The most expensive film I’ve been involved with was a final-year college project which cost just under £500. FALSE - I was involved in two or three films that cost well over £500 each
I spent all three of my final-year Media Production theory exams rambling on about Avatar, after having seen the film just once, and ended up getting a First in the module even though I hated it (the module, not the film). TRUE
I’ve been to five consecutive Root Hill camps, and have no intention of stopping if I can help it. TRUE
If I had to pick a favourite bit of the Bible, it’d probably be the last two chapters of Revelation. TRUE
The Screwtape Letters is one of my favourite pieces of literature ever. TRUE
I own four Rubik’s Cubes of different sizes, and can solve any of them within 10 minutes. FALSE - I don't have a single Rubik's Cube, or the faintest idea how to solve one
And I know the solution to a 2x4 Rubik’s Magic too. TRUE
I have met Ratatouille writer/director Brad Bird. FALSE - I wish
My favourite animated film is Kung Fu Panda. FALSE - I'm not sure what my favourite is, but Ratatouille and WALL-E are strong contenders... and I've never seen Kung Fu Panda
Shrek 2 is the only animated film which I’ve seen at the cinema more than once. TRUE
I have seen some episodes of The Simpsons, but never seen any Futurama. TRUE
I have seen all 74 episodes of Doctor Who aired since the show restarted in 2005 (i.e. Rose onwards) at least once each, and several of them twice or more. TRUE at the time of writing - they've aired 78 episodes now, and I've seen 77 of them, but I haven't seen The Doctor's Wife yet
Continuing the point about Doctor Who: I can even remember who wrote each one. sad, perhaps, but TRUE - and in many cases I can remember the director and/or producer as well
The Lord of the Rings is the only multi-film series for which I’ve seen every instalment on the big screen. FALSE - I've also seen all 3 Narnia films at the cinema
I have all six Star Wars films on DVD. TRUE
I own exactly three films on Blu-ray: Inception, Up and How to Train Your Dragon. FALSE - at the time of writing I didn't own any films on Blu-ray, and as of now, I've got one (Avatar 3-disc collector's edition); haven't seen Inception
The composer responsible for the greatest number of CDs in my collection is Howard Shore. TRUE at the time of writing - I have 5 CDs of Shore's film soundtracks, but since my birthday in February I now also have 5 CDs each by Murray Gold (all of them Doctor Who scores) and by Karl Jenkins
Continuing the point about CDs: the second is Lady Gaga. EXTREMELY FALSE - if I had a Lady Gaga CD, I would see it as my moral duty to incinerate the thing and help purge the world of the ghastly mess that is pop music
I am a fan of 3-D film technology, and one of my ambitions is to obtain a 3-D camera. FALSE - 3-D cinema does nothing for me whatsoever, and I'd prefer a good 2-D camera any day
I once made my own pair of 3-D glasses and used them to watch a DVD. TRUE
I went to the UK premiere of TRON: Legacy. FALSE
I have never used a computer with a Linux-based operating system. FALSE - I briefly tried out a Ubuntu live CD on our usually-Windows-XP laptop... and I liked it
When I was younger, I used to like building towns out of wooden blocks, cardboard boxes and Lego, and I’ve got photographic evidence to prove it. TRUE - it was called LittleTown, and in its final incarnation it was a bit of a misnomer
I used to have a model railway in the garage, but I gave up on it in the end because the board warped, the tracks kept getting stupidly dirty and the trains never ran very well. TRUE
Both of my current computers are iMacs. FALSE - I dislike Apple in general and hate iMacs in particular
I did some C++ programming once, but I’ve forgotten nearly all of it now. TRUE
I have dabbled in computer games programming in Visual Basic. My biggest project was a Breakout clone. TRUE
I am proficient at coding web pages in PHP. FALSE - I know HTML and CSS, but not PHP
The bus I used to get to sixth form was so unreliable that I wrote a poem about its failings. TRUE
I have produced a series of small sculptural works from a broken Shloer bottle. TRUE - the glass got smashed into little granules, placed in channels in a pre-fired bit of clay, re-fired and melted down
I have built a 5 x 7 ft mosaic, using over 400 custom-designed and hand-crafted tiles. improbable, maybe, but TRUE
I sometimes like devising writing systems for the languages spoken in my fictional worlds, and in more recent years I’ve made a point of never giving them 26 letters. Ossirow has 23, Dyngarria Eribit has 30 (well, sort of 29 and a half), and Grud Ballum has 24, 27, 38 or 41 depending how you interpret the system. TRUE
I have written nearly 2000 comic strip episodes, and the total is still climbing. TRUE at the time of writing - the total has now passed 2000
I can draw geometric stuff, and cartoon people, but I tend to fail epically if I ever try to draw a realistic picture of a human. TRUE
I’ve been known to draw something, and have absolutely no idea what it’s meant to be. TRUE
I have owned three camcorders. FALSE - there've been about five in the family, but only the most recent one is actually my personal property
One of my life ambitions is to make a big-budget film adaptation of The Pilgrim’s Progress. TRUE
I have a vague, half-baked contingency plan in case I ever get invited to write for Primeval. FALSE
I have a vague, half-baked contingency plan in case I ever get invited to write for Doctor Who. TRUE - but be ye warned: 'half-baked' is the operative phrase here
My bedroom walls are yellow. I chose the colour. TRUE
I love Marmite. FALSE - Marmite is not edible. Point blank. People who eat it are ignoring basic physics.
I once took six months to eat a Bounty bar. TRUE - although I should point out that I spent most of the six months doing other stuff, with a bit of the Bounty bar at each end
I dislike Creme Eggs as I find them too sweet. FALSE - there's no such thing as 'too sweet', IMHO... well, not in terms of confectionery anyway
Most of my favourite foods are French. FALSE - they're mostly English (cooked breakfast, Staffordshire cheese and bacon oatcakes, etc) or Italian (pasta and pizza)
Most of my socks are green or brown. FALSE - they're various shades of navy, grey or black
I dislike centaurs – not for any philosophical reason, just because their physiology is so badly thought out. TRUE
I have a basic first aid qualification. FALSE
I have eaten kangaroo. TRUE - just a tiny little bit, in the revolving restaurant at the top of the Sydney Tower, when I was 9
I go swimming two mornings per week. FALSE - I don't even like swimming
I like watching jellyfish. FALSE - I find jellyfish creepy and disgusting - I think it's because of the see-through-ness and the pulsating-ness
Guinea-pigs freak me out. FALSE - I don't like them much, but they don't freak me out or anything like that
My favourite town in the world is Exeter. FALSE - it's a nice enough place, from what I've seen of it, but I don't have any special attachment to it
I’ve got an old diary (started when I was 7 going on 8), whose cover features some remarkably well-preserved petals from my back-garden sunflower crop of 1995. TRUE
One of my friends is an Oscar-winning film composer. FALSE - at least for the time being, but I wouldn't be too surprised if that changes a few years down the line
I once got a 50p coin from Gibraltar in my change. I’ve kept it ever since. FALSE - it was a £1 coin
I have an antique fibre-optic lamp, on indefinite loan from my Grandad. TRUE
I usually vote Labour. FALSE - I've voted Tory, Lib Dem, UKIP and No in various different elections, but I always make a point of not voting Labour, after the hideous mess they made during the parliaments of 1997-2010
I firmly believe that you are never too old for Lego. TRUE
This is my fiftieth blog post. FALSE - it was my 50th post on A White Horizon, but there were 20-something posts on my previous blog at the now-defunct Tailcast

So there you go. The truth is out.

Were 100 questions just too much? Would I get more answers if I made it shorter next time? Just wondering.

- The Colclough

Night of the Last Shower

2011-04-28T21:35:00.000+01:00

Oh dear, nearly a month since my last post. Don't know what happened there. Well, I sort of do: guests staying, and a comprehensive bathroom refit. And a relative lack of inspiration. Among other things. There might be another blog challenge thing versus Hannah in the offing, but that idea's still embryonic.

Some updates:

I do plan on resuming Arbitrary Stopframe sometime - just not sure when.
I've finished the second draft of Megastropulodon Episode 1, Day of the Goldfish.
I've finished second drafts for the first three episodes of Frozen Bones.
I've just had my last shower in the old tub. I won't show you a picture - for one thing, I'm not allowed to take the camera in the shower; for another, you really don't want to see that.

Our very small bathroom currently has two tubs in it, one on each side, with just enough space to squeeze the old toilet in between. The plan for tomorrow, while the rest of the country is glued to their TVs watching the Royal Wedding, is to take out the old bath and its associated gubbins, and plumb in the new one. All the tiles above the old bath will need taking off the wall, and I'm rather looking forward to doing that. I like the demolition bits.

It was a bit weird standing in the same tub that I've been using for over 11 years, and knowing that after all those hundreds of showers in there, this was the very last, and that within 24 hours the whole setup would have ceased to exist. Slightly bittersweet.

Still, there's a lovely new shower waiting to go just a few feet away...

- The Colclough

Living in Analogue

2011-03-29T10:39:00.000+01:00

So... another anthology blog thing.

1) Arbitrary Stopframe - I scraped my self-imposed deadline pretty darn close on Saturday, but did manage (just about) to get Episode 7 uploaded before going to bed. My supply of desktop objects and episode ideas is starting to run a bit dry, hence the fact that Tim guest-wrote this instalment, and I'm not too sure how much longer this thing's going to last. But I don't plan on making #7 the last episode. Not yet...

Anybody else got ideas for future episodes? I can't promise that all suggestions made will be automatically accepted, but they will at least be duly analysed for animatability.

2) Painting. Took my paints outside on Sunday afternoon and ran off this little sketch alla prima (apparently that's Italian, and basically means doing the whole painting in one go, without waiting for one bit to dry before applying the next). It's a strange one in that it looks absolutely rubbish from some angles - especially upside-down and from a few yards' distance, but I quite like it so long as you look at it the right way up and at fairly close range.

#009: Impressionist Glade

3) Routines. It's been bothering me of late how much of my life has been tied up in electronically-mediated activities, be they work or leisure. So I decided last week to do something about it: I rearranged my morning routine from something like this:

wake up
find and apply socks
read Bible while still in bed
start computer
find breakfast
return to computer
update webcomics
eat breakfast while watching TV / DVD / YouTube
get dressed
...and onwards

to something like this:

wake up
socks
find breakfast and armchair
eat breakfast while reading Bible
get dressed
walk (yes, really!)
and only then fire up the electronics, update the webcomics, and resume business proper

Not sure how much difference it's making so far - I've only been at it a week - but I'll keep at it and see what happens. This would also explain why my webcomics have been updating a bit later in the morning for the last few days.

4) Alien President. I finished another batch of episodes yesterday (numbers 29, 31, 32 and 33 in terms of their positions in the story, but they bring the total to 37 as I've illustrated some episodes out of narrative order for technical reasons). Number 29 in particular was a real pain to draw and colour - you'll probably see why when I publish it in a few weeks - but I was happy with the final result, which is the main thing. Only 8 more left to illustrate now...

5) The fitful progress of Megastropulodon: a week or two ago, I managed to plug the last major hole in my character profiles, and started work on the second drafts of Episodes 1, 5 and 6, and for a few days it really felt like progress was being made. But then I sort of dried up again. I sometimes (read: often) doubt that I could actually make a living from creative expression, what with the way my ideas come in fits and starts, with productive patches separated by significantly longer dry ones.

6) Lack of blogging. This is the first post on A White Horizon in 10 days. Most of my recent posts have been triggered by having an episode of Arbitrary Stopframe to embed. Is the lack of blogs indicative of a lack of life? I wonder sometimes. It might seem a bit ironic to make this connection, but: see point 3 above...

7) Firefox 4! Mozilla have finally released the new, shinier version of my web browser of choice. It's supposed to be several times faster than its predecessor. Well, sometimes it is (smoother scrolling is noticeable), but it still takes a long time to load. Version 4 has most of the same old good points (stability, for example), and several of the same old flaws, including the fact that whenever I open a new tab it comes up blank instead of going to my homepage. The new interface is much prettier though, and the speed has improved a bit, so I'm generally happy with it.

8)

- The Colclough

Another Lack of Horror Stories

2011-03-19T14:47:00.000Z

Once again, Arbitrary Stopframe has slunk into existence without any protest or complications. I have no horror stories to inflict on you. I have only the finished product, hot off the press:

One thing worth noting is that I took Sam's point about not having used enough sound FX in Episode 5. There are a lot more sound FX in number 6.

On the topic of "stuff I finished making recently", here's another painting:

#008: Stained Glass I

Yes, the 'I' signals the intent to produce a 'II', and maybe even a 'III' and beyond...

*****

I've just realised: I spoke too soon. There may not be a horror story in this blog post, but the post itself is arguably part of one: this is my 57th post on A White Horizon. That darn number again!

- The Colclough

It's for Burning!

2011-03-16T21:21:00.001Z

I have realised in the last 48 hours that the existence of Lynx deodorant is not, as I had previously thought, just a hideous blot on the face of the universe and a complete and utter waste of time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I like the brand now. I still despise it. The products stink (imho, anyway), and the adverts stink even worse - a concise translation of any Lynx ad from recent years would read: "use our products, and any female who comes within smelling range will instantly turn into a brainless moron whose only aim in life is to get in your bed" - a message which I find crass, moronic, and offensive, not to mention probably untrue. I don't want my female friends and acquaintances to turn into brainless morons, thank you very much.

However, I recently found out via my younger brother that there is actually a use for this hitherto-thought-to-be-worthless product: when combined with a tealight and some Lego, it burns beautifully. I was informed on Monday night just before he went to bed: "Guess what? I've built a flamethrower!"

...as one does, of course. I mean, he's fond of Lego projectile gadgetry, but a flamethrower? Well, if you say so...

I got a demonstration of the device in the back garden yesterday, and tonight he asked if I could video him using the flamethrower. Which I did. It's a very simple concept, really: aim the can over the top of a candle, and squeeze the nozzle. Helps to have a Lego frame to hold everything in place, including a built-in firing rod so you can operate the aerosol while your hand remains a relatively safe few inches away. Deodorant sprays out over the flame, catches fire on the way past, and you get a lovely fireball.

"Cool" isn't really the right adjective right now, for reasons I'm sure you can work out... but I thought it was quite impressive.

So that, it turns out, is what Lynx is for. Not for destroying women's brains, and certainly not for shoving up your armpits, but for incinerating. As someone once said to me while poking the remains of a fifteen-foot-high bonfire: "Pyro is the second-best mania in the world, after Megalo."

"BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAHH!!!"

- The Colclough

The One I Didn't See Coming

2011-03-12T19:09:00.000Z

I had the basic idea for Arbitrary Stopframe 4 some weeks before I got round to animating it. Not so number 5, which only popped into my head a day or two ago.

I don't have any tales of woe from the soundstage to regale you all with either. So here, without further ado or embellishment, is the latest of my weekly stopmotion exercises:

To try and compensate for the fact that this post is so short, I've decided to open a little opinion poll: which Arbitrary Stopframe episode so far is your favourite?

Also: I will try and remember to post the answers to Fifty Facts and Fifty Fibs soon... I've given up waiting for anyone to post their answers...

- The Colclough

Lenses, Coins, and Action

2011-03-04T11:30:00.000Z

After a couple of weeks' delay, I've finally made Arbitrary Stopframe 4 - but it was an uphill battle to get it filmed.

The root of the problem was a small dark speck which has been appearing frequently at the same position on various photos taken on our Nikon D80. I decided to try and get rid of it before shooting AS4, so I took off the lens (the default zoom one that comes with the camera body), cleaned it as best I could, and then reattached it.

The camera and the lens then refused to talk to each other, making it impossible to control the aperture, and therefore impossible to set up properly for the stopmotion piece. I detached and reattached the lens a few times, but it didn't fix the issue.

So I decided to give up on the zoom lens altogether, and instead dug out one of our alternative lenses - a fixed-length, mid-angle model with an aperture control ring (which the zoom doesn't have). Attached this, took a test photo... and then discovered that that same darn speck showed up in exactly the same place - which meant it wasn't in the zoom lens at all, but on the image sensor.

I ummed and aahed, and then remembered that I've got a very soft paintbrush which I've never actually used for paint. So I set up the camera in full manual mode with a 30-second exposure time (thank goodness the D80 will still take photos with no lens on it), and while it thought it was taking an arty-farty time-lapse picture I flipped it over, stuck my paintbrush into its gubbins, and flicked away the offending bit of grot, which was fortunately visible to the naked eye so I could see what I was doing.

Reattach the alternative lens, take another test photo... and the speck was gone. That felt good.

All that remained then was to animate Doctor Murkum having a bad time with a £1 coin. Or rather, a few £1 coins. I've currently got thirty-something pound coins lurking around my room, but for the purposes of the animation I picked out the post-April-2008 Matthew Dent ones with the royal shield on them, because in my humble opinion they look better than the old ones. That's the one and only reason behind the particular number of coins that appear in the clip: that's just how many 2008-design £1s I've currently got.

I've noticed that the light flickers a bit in this episode. This is probably due the fluctuations in the natural light sneaking in through the window, as I forgot to fully close the curtains before I started animating. Note to self for next time...

Anywho, now that I've had my nice long rant about electronics and aesthetics, here's the clip from the centre of the furore:

...and now that I've got started again, I shall try and get back to doing these clips on a weekly basis. Watch this space!

- The Colclough

PS. unrelated: I reached a rather momentous landmark the day before yesterday: I drew my 2000th comic-strip episode! In case you want to know, it was Fort Paradox 56, and was executed with fibre-tip pens, with dialogue added in the computer using the dreaded font Comic Sans.

A Rediscovery

2011-03-02T18:48:00.000Z

This afternoon, I decided to go on a little archeological dig. Sort of.

Translation: I unpacked the bottom shelf of my wardrobe, which contains all my papers from sixth form, more or less undisturbed since I put them there two-and-a-half or maybe even three years ago. But I wasn't really after the papers - I was more interested in what they were sitting on: my first-year final coursework sculpture from my A-level in "Fine Art (Ceramics)", as I think the course was officially called.

It looks like this:

And it also looks like this:

Yes, those two photos really are the same object. The second one shows the view you see if you get down on the floor and look through the small viewing port in the front panel. That was the point: the brief was to create a sculpture which would force the viewer to change their position in order to fully appreciate the artwork. There's also some cunning forced-perspective stuff going on: the plasterwork is built onto some slanting inner walls, and both back corners of the box are hollow, which conveniently leaves room to store the plug and cable when the sculpture is packed away. The outer side walls come off (at least in theory - they were ridiculously stiff last time I tried moving them) to allow access to the four light bulbs for replacement when necessary, without disturbing the aesthetically-important parts of the box.

I think this piece would rank joint second as one of the biggest and most impractical artworks I've ever created, and solo second in terms of the ones that still exist. But despite the bulk, the weight, and the unimpressive exterior, I'm rather fond of the thing.

I got it wrong the first time round. Version 1 was made with all the sides in place, and the ceiling missing, which was all very well and good in terms of getting the plaster and paint onto the floors and walls but not so good in terms of making the ceiling fit. You could always see a load of nasty gaps where the separately-fabricated ceiling piece didn't really fit the rest of the cave.

And then, it went a bit mouldy.

So sometime during my A2 year, I revisited the cave, partially dismantled it (ie. removed the ceiling, front panel and outer side walls, and after killing off the fungus I then reattached the outer lid, flipped the whole thing upside-down, and remade the cave ceiling from scratch, this time plastering straight onto the insides of the box as I had done for the walls and floor. I seem to remember the original back-wall plasterwork fell off during the deconstruction, so what you see now is a new back which was made at the same time as the ceiling. That funny little flat-topped stalagmite thing at the back-left is a second-generation addition too.

Since then, all I've done with it was to bring it home, look inside it again, and then shove it in the wardrobe for posterity, underneath a heap of paperwork. So it was a bit of a blast from the past looking at it again today - and I was delighted to find, upon revisiting the cave, that it hasn't gone mouldy again in the last three years.

I should try doing something huge and impractical like that again sometime...

- The Colclough

What's Possible

2011-02-26T14:48:00.000Z

Possible Stuff:

As of Wednesday afternoon, I've actually got a paid commission - making a 90-second computer-graphics-based advert for Day One Publications. Still doesn't seem possible, but apparently it is. Crumbs.

Following on from that: it is possible to handle financial and legal matters without your brain turning to an off-green goo and exiting your skull via the earholes. Or so I'm told.

After seven months in the making, Fort Paradox gained its fiftieth episode last weekend. Half-way to a hundred. Wow. And as if that wasn't enough, the project has its first episode or two by a guest illustrator. I don't know about the rest of you, but from my POV that's all terribly exciting. And it does seem possible (like I said, it's been a while since we started), but again, I haven't quite got my head around it.

It is entirely possible (and I hope probable) that I'll get round to doing Arbitrary Stopframe 4 in the next few weeks. I've been a little distracted for the last fortnight by long-stay visitors, paid employment, and the fact that I'm running out of finished Alien President episodes, but I've got story plans for a couple more Arbitrary Stopframe clips. Watch this space.

It is possible, but difficult, to design a bathroom by committee. The way it's going in our family at the moment is that we came up with a perfectly serviceable plan several months ago (before discovering that Mum and Dad's bedroom was going mouldy around the corners, and deciding to de-fungus and decorate in there before doing the bathroom), and ever since then Mum's been revising the plan in every conceivable way, working out why the revisions won't work, and coming back to the original plan.

It is possible for the same composer to create some music that's crazy and thrilling, some that's beautiful and uplifting, and one little track that's deliberately, pervertedly, infuriatingly, brilliantly cringible, all on the same album. Case in point: Thomas Newman's soundtrack from WALL-E, which I've currently got on my hi-fi. Oddly enough, exactly the same guy pulled exactly the same stunt on Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, which is also in my CD collection.

Speaking of music: it's probably possible to sit through the entire 2-disc Doctor Who Series 5 soundtrack by Murray Gold (had it as a birthday present), and not feel the slightest bit like you're having any fun for the whole two hours plus. But I suspect you might have to be a corpse in order to achieve this.

Impossible Stuff:

I'm sorry, but a dying man simply can't do what he did, with that implement, without missing at least a little bit. IMHO, that scene went beyond the bounds of Suspension of Disbelief and into the territory of Plain Impossible. If you've seen Tangled, you should know what I mean, although whether or not you agree is another matter. I've phrased it that way to try and avoid being spoiler-ish.

It is impossible to sit in the same room for too long without starting to feel like you're going to go bonkers. It's taken me a long time to realise this, but it's finally dawning on me.

And finally: IMPOSSIBLE GEOMETRY!!!

#007: Impossible Triangle

It was really tempting to paint a big letter 'S' inside the middle hexagon thing, but I resisted.

- The Colclough

Part III and All About It

2011-02-10T15:05:00.000Z

Here's the third instalment of Arbitrary Stopframe, followed by a lot of verbosity relating to the clip:

Sam asked last week whether the episodes are going to fit together to form a bigger story. The answer is: to be honest, I have no idea. As of now, I'm not planning a bigger story, but as I go along I might start spotting connections. Watch this space, basically!

I rambled on last week about the problem of YouTube series that start well but fall apart on or around their second episode, and listed Problem C as being when there are two instalments, and every indication that the series is set for a long and excellent run, but it somehow vanishes into thin air and Ep 3 never shows. I've managed to avoid that one, as you can see from the presence of Episode 3 above.

I might not do one next week, as I'll have a guest staying, and it'd be a bit antisocial to ignore them for a day just to get a bit of animation done. Normal service (i.e. Ep 4) will resume on the week commencing Monday 21st.

But having avoided Problem C, I've discovered something much more worrying:

Problem D: you're busy animating, and after a few moments squinting into the viewfinder you suddenly find that you can't focus one of your eyes.

That happened to me yesterday while I was shooting Inkjet, and persisted for several minutes. I couldn't get my right eye to focus on some normal-sized text on my monitor from about two feet away. Very worrying. As a visual artist, if I lost the use of my eyes then every worthwhile skill I've ever had would evaporate instantly, and life on this planet would become a blank, both literally and metaphorically.

On a brighter note, in case anyone's wondering what all that stuff says on the computer monitor in the clip, here's a transcript:

*****

How to Animate in Confined Spaces

Without Going Totally Insane

Contrary to popular belief, it is in fact possible to execute a stopmotion animation in a very small and hard-to-access location (such as the inside of an inkjet printer) without going stark staring bonkers in the process. There are three main ways of achieving this.

The first way to avoid going stark staring bonkers during your animation session is if you are already stark staring bonkers to begin with. Many of the best animators take this approach, and are always careful to remove any lingering traces of sanity and leave them at the studio door before commencing work. While there is no reliable scientific evidence, it is widely believed that this is the approach taken by Henry Selick, director of The Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline.

The second approach is to channel in impending insanity through your characters instead of bottling it up in your own brain and allowing it to ferment there. This is particularly effective if you are animating a character who is already deranged (e.g. Ron Haggard), or at least moderately eccentric (e.g. Wallace). The results from this technique can sometimes be impressive – see for example the relative collectedness still exhibited by Nick Park after all these years – but they are not always reliable, particularly for method directors.

The third approach is not recommended, as its primary ingredient is paracetamol, in a dose which would be lethal to most known human-based life forms, even animators.

*****

Mea culpa: there's a typo in the third paragraph. It was meant to say 'channel any impending insanity'.

And finally, on an unrelated topic, here's another painting I finished the other day:

#006: Arbitrary Strata

No relation to Arbitrary Stopframe, despite the similar-sounding names. It began life as a random pattern of leftover watercolours dribbled onto the canvas, and then added to with acrylics.

- The Colclough

Half a Century!

2011-02-05T17:56:00.000Z

No, it isn't my 50th birthday yet. Just my 50th post on A White Horizon.

I thought I'd better do something to mark the occasion. My initial thought was, "How about I write up fifty facts about myself?" - followed shortly by "That's a bit boring. I should do fifty real facts and fifty fake ones, and mix them all up!"

So what you will see below is a list of 100 claims about myself, half of which are true, and half of which are a bit more on the fictional side. Your mission, should you choose to accept it: work out (or at least take a guess) which is which, and post your answers in the comments area. The truth will be revealed in a future blog post.

Advance warning: it’s not as simple as it might seem – a lot of the false claims are not too far from the truth, but with one or two details altered in order to falsify the overall statement. But on the bright side, I think a few answers are given away in the previous 49 posts, so a certain amount of help is available if you can be bothered with the re-reading.

So here goes - FIFTY FACTS AND FIFTY FIBS:

I was born in Southampton.
If you follow my dad’s-dad’s-dad etc line back far enough, one of them was a second cousin of Henry VIII.
I hold Australian dual citizenship.
I am the oldest of 5 siblings.
I have a high-functioning autistic spectrum condition.
I’ve always been single.
I got dumped once, but it was a bit irrelevant because I didn’t know I was in a position to be dumped from.
My eyes are green.
I need glasses because I’m long-sighted.
I am a morning person.
Breakfast, for me, is usually some sort of cereal with milk on it.
I’ve got a random patch of hair on my lower back, and I’ve never been able to work out whether it’s meant to be there.
I’ve never had a filling, blood transfusion, broken bone, braces, piercing, tattoo, hangover, or basically anything.
I hate having anything tight around my neck.
I am allergic to lavender.
I have an irrational phobia of spreadsheet software.
My favourite colour is white.
I have three left feet.
My first home was in Havant, near Portsmouth, but we moved to Bristol when I was 3 weeks old.
After leaving Havant, we lived in Bristol for six years.
One of my earliest memories is of getting scared to death by the unexplained presence of a small, stuffed E.T. toy in my bedroom when I was about 2 or 3.
One of my clearest memories from my early childhood in Bristol involves our old Peugeot 104 breaking down in the carpark exit at Asda.
During my three years in primary school, I earned notoriety for accidentally flooding the men’s room.
One of my oddest memories from primary school was when my class was taken to the staff room and fed turnips. I can’t remember the reasons, just the vegetables.
I used to be an avid roller-skater.
I set fire to my hair once, I think when I was 7 or thereabouts.
I’ve lived in a hotel room for about three weeks.
I once had an ice-cream birthday cake which turned out to be sesame-seed flavour.
I’ve lived in Hong Kong for two years.
While living in Hong Kong, one of my most prized possessions was a two- or three-inch-long snail shell which I found in a gutter.
Throughout our stay in Hong Kong, we had to get a non-air-conditioned bus to and from church, because the bus operator never bothered putting any on that particular route, the lousy so-and-sos.
I was forced to learn to touch-type when I was about 8 or 9. I resented it a bit at the time, but I now find it extremely useful, so I’m retroactively grateful.
In my previous house, I had a playroom in the garage conversion.
I once helped to fell a giant conifer which had been irreparably damaged by a storm.
I have been to France, Germany and Poland in the last ten years.
I studied the piano (not sure whose idea it was) for a few years, but gave up after passing ABRSM Grade 4.
I was once in the same room as one of the guys who designed the basic audio-handling layer for the MPEG-2 video coding algorithms. I didn’t get to speak to him, as I don’t know any Japanese, and the translators were busy.
I’ve been involved in three road accidents since passing my driving test in September 2007.
I only have a driving license for automatic cars.
I’ve had a week’s work experience with the BBC.
I hold a Bachelor of Arts degree in Media Production.
The most expensive film I’ve been involved with was a final-year college project which cost just under £500.
I spent all three of my final-year Media Production theory exams rambling on about Avatar, after having seen the film just once, and ended up getting a First in the module even though I hated it (the module, not the film).
I’ve been to five consecutive Root Hill camps, and have no intention of stopping if I can help it.
If I had to pick a favourite bit of the Bible, it’d probably be the last two chapters of Revelation.
The Screwtape Letters is one of my favourite pieces of literature ever.
I own four Rubik’s Cubes of different sizes, and can solve any of them within 10 minutes.
And I know the solution to a 2x4 Rubik’s Magic too.
I have met Ratatouille writer/director Brad Bird.
My favourite animated film is Kung Fu Panda.
Shrek 2 is the only animated film which I’ve seen at the cinema more than once.
I have seen some episodes of The Simpsons, but never seen any Futurama.
I have seen all 74 episodes of Doctor Who aired since the show restarted in 2005 (i.e. Rose onwards) at least once each, and several of them twice or more.
Continuing the point about Doctor Who: I can even remember who wrote each one.
The Lord of the Rings is the only multi-film series for which I’ve seen every instalment on the big screen.
I have all six Star Wars films on DVD.
I own exactly three films on Blu-ray: Inception, Up and How to Train Your Dragon.
The composer responsible for the greatest number of CDs in my collection is Howard Shore.
Continuing the point about CDs: the second is Lady Gaga.
I am a fan of 3-D film technology, and one of my ambitions is to obtain a 3-D camera.
I once made my own pair of 3-D glasses and used them to watch a DVD.
I went to the UK premiere of TRON: Legacy.
I have never used a computer with a Linux-based operating system.
When I was younger, I used to like building towns out of wooden blocks, cardboard boxes and Lego, and I’ve got photographic evidence to prove it.
I used to have a model railway in the garage, but I gave up on it in the end because the board warped, the tracks kept getting stupidly dirty and the trains never ran very well.
Both of my current computers are iMacs.
I did some C++ programming once, but I’ve forgotten nearly all of it now.
I have dabbled in computer games programming in Visual Basic. My biggest project was a Breakout clone.
I am proficient at coding web pages in PHP.
The bus I used to get to sixth form was so unreliable that I wrote a poem about its failings.
I have produced a series of small sculptural works from a broken Shloer bottle.
I have built a 5 x 7 ft mosaic, using over 400 custom-designed and hand-crafted tiles.
I sometimes like devising writing systems for the languages spoken in my fictional worlds, and in more recent years I’ve made a point of never giving them 26 letters. Ossirow has 23, Dyngarria Eribit has 30 (well, sort of 29 and a half), and Grud Ballum has 24, 27, 38 or 41 depending how you interpret the system.
I have written nearly 2000 comic strip episodes, and the total is still climbing.
I can draw geometric stuff, and cartoon people, but I tend to fail epically if I ever try to draw a realistic picture of a human.
I’ve been known to draw something, and have absolutely no idea what it’s meant to be.
I have owned three camcorders.
One of my life ambitions is to make a big-budget film adaptation of The Pilgrim’s Progress.
I have a vague, half-baked contingency plan in case I ever get invited to write for Primeval.
I have a vague, half-baked contingency plan in case I ever get invited to write for Doctor Who.
My bedroom walls are yellow. I chose the colour.
I love Marmite.
I once took six months to eat a Bounty bar.
I dislike Creme Eggs as I find them too sweet.
Most of my favourite foods are French.
Most of my socks are green or brown.
I dislike centaurs – not for any philosophical reason, just because their physiology is so badly thought out.
I have a basic first aid qualification.
I have eaten kangaroo.
I go swimming two mornings per week.
I like watching jellyfish.
Guinea-pigs freak me out.
My favourite town in the world is Exeter.
I’ve got an old diary (started when I was 7 going on 8), whose cover features some remarkably well-preserved petals from my back-garden sunflower crop of 1995.
One of my friends is an Oscar-winning film composer.
I once got a 50p coin from Gibraltar in my change. I’ve kept it ever since.
I have an antique fibre-optic lamp, on indefinite loan from my Grandad.
I usually vote Labour.
I firmly believe that you are never too old for Lego.
This is my fiftieth blog post.

This could get confusing...

- The Colclough

The Second Instalment

2011-02-04T12:55:00.000Z

So, I've made it to Number 2.

Back in the early days of my YouTuber-ness, I came across this phenomenon with several different web series, where Episode 1 was really good and then Episode 2, in one way or another, was where it all fell apart. I found three major variants:

Problem A: they make something labelled 'Episode 1', but they might as well not have said 'Episode' anything, because there's never a second one.
Problem B: the second instalment does show up, but it's a massive letdown, and the series either ends forthwith, or else straggles along as a pathetic shadow of what it could have been.
Problem C: there are two instalments, and every indication that the series is set for a long and excellent run, but it somehow vanishes into thin air and Ep 3 never shows.

Once you get to three or more, there seems to be some sort of critical-mass effect, so Ep 2 is generally the cruch point. At least, that's what happened in the series I looked at.

Which all raises the question of how I'm getting on:

I've obviously managed to avoid Problem A, because as you can see, I've got a second episode right here.
I'll leave it to you to decide whether I've fallen foul of Problem B... is 'Fruit Pastilles' up to par compared with 'Marker Pen'?
And I've got some plans for another Arbitrary Stopframe clip for next week, so hopefully I'll avoid Problem C.

And speaking of long-running series and things: my next post on A White Horizon will be the fiftieth. Fifty already? Crumbs 8/

- The Colclough

The Animator and the Animated

2011-01-29T13:01:00.000Z

I am an animator. I have recently remembered this facet of my life, after more or less neglecting it for a few months, and I've decided to do something about it.

And this right here is that something:

On a not-so-distantly-related note, last night I finally got round to seeing Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away. It won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature in 2003, making it the only cel-animated film and the only Japanese film ever to have done so. And until last night, it was the only Best Animated Feature Oscar winner which I hadn't seen. So now I can claim my viewing to be complete, unless you want to get really nit-picky and claim that the English dub doesn't count and I have to go and watch it again in the original Japanese. Please don't get nit-picky; I don't speak any Japanese.

I must admit it was quite a bizarre experience, and not something for the easily confused (a film set in a bath-house for the spirits? Not something you're likely to find in any western-made movie), but enjoyable nonetheless. It was the second Miyazaki film I've seen, following his 1979 feature debut The Castle of Cagliostro, which was a bit easier to get one's head around by dint of it being set in Europe.

I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to maintain my claim to have seen all of the Oscar-winning animated films, what with the next round of awards due in just a few weeks, but chances are the next winner will be either Toy Story 3 (which would be the first sequel to win the award), or just-maybe How to Train Your Dragon (which would be the first win for DreamWorks Animation since Shrek, nine years ago) - and I've already seen both of them. So I might be safe for a bit.

And in the meanwhile, I've got a couple more ideas up my sleeve for Arbitrary Stopframe 2 and beyond...

Keep watching this space!

- The Colclough

A New Incentive

2011-01-27T22:07:00.000Z

For the benefit of anyone who hasn't already seen it on my YT channel, here's a vlog I did today about my recent lack of animated output, and what I intend to do about it:

Check back tomorrow or Saturday for the first instalment of Arbitrary Stopmotion!

- The Colclough