Wednesday 9 May 2012

Battle of the Battle-Proof Thingies

Okay... I'm half-way through Tim's "Last 10 for 17" challenge, so I think it's time to repeat the question list and colour-code the ones I've already answered and the ones I haven't:
  1. What is the most ghastly mainstream TV show of modern times?
  2. Cheese or democracy: which would you go without for five years?
  3. What's your favourite online game?
  4. If a=9, b=30 and c=25, what does x equal?
  5. What is the naffest film genre?
  6. If you could add one piece of tech to your body, what would it be?
  7. What's the worst pop song you've ever heard?
  8. If, overnight, you could be bestowed with grade 8-level ability on any musical instrument you liked, what would it be?
  9. If you had to join the armed forces, what department would you choose to serve in?
  10. Who would win if the Galactic Empire fought the Borg, the Daleks fought the New Arpathian Principality, and then the winners went on to fight each other?
Meanwhile, Tim was (at last check) half-way through his questions as well, so I'll repeat those with the same colour scheme:
  1. Let's cut through the myths and rumours: what's actually your favourite food?
  2. What's the best computer game ever, and why?
  3. If you could take over one TV show and fix its problems, which one would you pick?
  4. Various things are supposed to end this year, including (some say) life on planet Earth - which ending are you most looking forward to?
  5. If you were to leave Wales, where would you go instead?
  6. What's your favourite cartoon?
  7. Who is/was the greatest composer of all time, in your opinion?
  8. Hamsters or Goldfish?
  9. If I had a child (yes, I know... just pretend, ok?), what name would you LEAST want me to give it, and why?
  10. Which character or story, out of all the ones that you've written, are you most pleased with, and why?
 So far, the contest has involved Tim gaining a 1-answer lead, and then me equalising - five times in a row.  Let's see if I can get my sixth out before he manages his!

Since I just answered Question 8, and then Question 9, it seems logical that my next step should be to deal with Question 10: Who would win if the Galactic Empire fought the Borg, the Daleks fought the New Arpathian Principality, and then the winners went on to fight each other?

To clarify what the question is about for the benefit of those suffering from sci-fi ignorance (or at least suffering from incomplete initiation), and to set the scene for the ensuing tiff:
  • the Galactic Empire are the baddies in Star Wars, powerful enough to rule an entire galaxy all but unopposed for decades.  Mostly runs on clone troopers, with assorted AT-AT walkers, speeder bikes, and other nifty battle tech.  Oh yes, and they have Darth Vader as their conveniently angry, asthmatic, lightsabre-wielding figurehead, and a Death Star, just in case they ever feel like wiping out the odd planet here and there.
  • the Borg are those cyborg types out of Star Trek who are virtually impossible to defeat because as soon as you use a weapon on one of their drones, the rest of the collective learn from the 'mistake' and instantaneously adapt their armour to become impenetrable to the weapon in question.  Also fond of assimilating people, which basically seems to be a fancy-pants way of nicking their soldiers and technology.
  • the Daleks are those ones out of Doctor Who which look slightly like oversized pepper grinders with a bad attitude and a deadly toilet plunger thing on the front.  But you wouldn't say that to a Dalek, because they're much more dangerous and deadly than their appearance (especially the New Paradigm's appearance) might suggest.
  • The New Arpathian Principality, which I suspect most of you didn't know about until now, are the primary villains in the latest phase of the history of Universe XGT, equipped with a massive superiority complex (like the other three groups mentioned here, I guess), and more importantly a vastly advanced system of medical/regenerative technology which makes them very nearly immortal.
I think I can, at least, make a pretty confident statement as to who would be in the final.  Allow me to explain...

Semi-Final One: the Galactic Empire vs the Borg.  First off, I'd like to point out that I'm much more into Star Wars than I am into Star Trek, and part of me wants to leap to conclusions and say the Galactic Empire would win.  However, that would ignore the vitally important fact that the Borg can assimilate stuff and develop immunities with frightening rapidity.  No matter how good your clone troopers and their blaster rifles, you still only get one shot before the Trekkie cyborgs adapt and render them useless.  And it's no use saying "Aha!  But the Empire have a Death Star!", because the same principle applies on spacecraft level - the Death Star might get to take down one cube, but next thing you know all the other cubes have adapted, become immune, and then figured out how to return fire in kind, reducing Tarkin's magnificent battle station to a fireworks show in a few seconds flat.  Again.  The Borg win.

Semi-Final Two: the Daleks vs the Arpathians.  I think this would be a similar story - sure the Daleks could kill some Arpathians, but the Arpathians in question would then be revived.  It would be a war of attrition for the most part, but the nature of the Arpathians' "Revival Matrix" would mean that Arpathian casualties were only temporary, while any Dalek losses would be a tad more permenant, so the angry pepper mills would lose in the end.  The Principality wins.

And finally, the Final!  (My goodness, what a rotten pun I just did.)  The Borg face off against the Arpathians - and as far as I can see, this is the point where it all starts getting a bit less obvious.  The assimilators face the immortals.  I'm going to have to think through this slowly, one step at a time.  Borg kills Arpathian - Matrix activates and Arpathian revives.  Arpathian kills Borg - Collective adapts and becomes immune to Arpathian weapon.  Borg attempts assimilation - Matrix registers this as a death, and reverts the Arpathian to their original state, cancelling assimilation.  Um... to be honest, as far as I can see, those are the only three moves worth trying, and they're all useless, so it might be a stand-off.

Net result (unless I missed something important?): the whole quad-continuity war ends with a bunch of Borg and a bunch of Arpathians glaring at each other across a room/field/whatever, absolutely unable to do anything about each other's continued existence, and getting annoyed.

So maybe it's just down to who walks away first from sheer frustration?

  • Last 10 for 17 status: 6 down, 4 to go - I'm ahead for the first time in the whole race!
  • Latest book read: still The Kink and I
  • Latest film/TV watched: still Logan's Run, but I plan to change that soon
  • Latest music listened to: Adiemus I: Songs of Sanctuary by Karl Jenkins, currenlty on speakers
  • Latest edible item eaten: Pineapple and Coconut Sponge Pudding
  • Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1), Windows Media Player 11
  • Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable Episode 1475

- The Colclough


  1. I agree with you; it would end up with the Arpathians and the Borg blowing bits out of one another. I think the only endgame would be if the Borg adapted to the Revival Matrix.

  2. The Idea that Star Wars lose to the Borg is like sayin g that the Nazi's won WW2. You need to add war science to the equation. While the Nazi's had the supeerior Tanks they were hard to build, took long to build and expensive to build while all other armies fighting them used cheap, easy and quick to build tanks that were easy to deploy and so because of sheer numbers the Nazi's lost. The Empire may have a disadvantage but they can deploy alot quicker. Also they have Darth Vader and I am sure that the borg could probbably not fight Magic.

    You have missed out several other armies. Why is Battlestar Galactica not in it. Against the Borg they could just drive the giant battleships into the borg ships and the borg could no way learn how to stop that, against the Galactic Eempire would be a good fight.

    There is also the Xiliens from Godzilla Final Wars where they take control of all the world's monsters (except Godzilla).

    Also you have the original Mondas Cybermen (look up Silver Nemesis)

    1. Some internet nerds/professional physicists did add war science to the equation, and there is simply no way the Empire could win. Even if you say transwarp and hperspeed were roughly much of a much, the Borg could still deploy far quicker. Once a start destroyer was assimilated, it would just become another Borg ship. So the Borg could replace ships way faster, and don't forget damaged Borg ships can self-repair. Trekkie weapons also have a MUCH longer range then Star Wars guns, so the Borg could just sit outside the Imps rage and shred them with torpedoes. And the force isn't magic, it's an energy field, so the Borg could just nullify it with a dampening field. They'd probably have assimilated ASBO Skywalker at this point as well, so they'd know all about the force. Lightsabres would also be ineffective, as it has been established in the films that a lightsabre can't cut through some forcefields. Therefore, as drones have forcefield shielding, one or two drones would chopped by Darth Asthma Attack, but then the rest would become immune.

  3. The current Daleks need to go on Diet Pills.

    1. Yeah, and they need to stop their new Power Rangers look.

  4. I have just had a thought.

    It appears from this (I don't really watch Star Trek) that The Borg can adapt when killed. So they become immune from something when killed by it. However can they adapt to mental abilities. I have just been looking up some Akira Kurosawa films and it dawned on me that while The Borg would become immune to the Samurai Sword (which does not make sense on the basis that the Sword will be able to cut through their armour easily), could they become Immune to the Honour that Samurai fight with. Honour is more a mental status than an attack and on that basis The Borg would not be able to defend themselves against that. So in a straight up fight on a planet The Borg would lose to the might of The Seven Samurai (and any other Samurai from Kurosawa films and in someway this connects to both The Magnificent Seven and Star Wars as both of those were heavily influenced and inspired (particularly in the case of The Magnificent Seven which was a Western Remake of Seven Samurai) by the films of Akira Kurosawa.

  5. I forgot to close the third bracket, woops.