Wednesday 9 May 2012

Jobs with Explodey Stuff

This is one of the harder ones, but once I've done it I'll be at the half-way point of this little challenge - Question 9: If you had to join the armed forces, what department would you choose to serve in?

Up front: none of them appeal.  I really don't think the life military would suit me.

However, the question does make it pretty clear that this isn't about volunteering; it's about conscription.

Am I allowed to pick the propaganda department?  I'm not that great at moving fast (except for the odd very short sprint), especially not at moving fast with any precision, and would be unlikely to be of much use in the heat of battle; meanwhile although it may not be the sort of thing one goes around admitting to most of the time, I suspect I might not be that bad at manipulating the truth into propaganda, so if I could get away with making motivational posters and doctoring the headlines for morale-boosting purposes, I would probably be able to make myself much more useful than would be possible if I was out on the front line making "do I shoot that thing right now or don't I" decisions on the spur of the moment.

That would be my first choice.  But since this post is still on the short side, let's assume I can't do propaganda and I actually have to be out on the front doing something a bit more directly battle-ish.


I think I'd have to write off the navy straight away, not for any emotional reasons, more because I've never really tested myself for seaworthiness, but there are some bad cases of seasick-prone-ness in the family, and it's as likely as not that I've inherited some of that.  I wouldn't write off the RAF quite so instantaneously, but I suspect the RAF would write me off without a moment's hesitation, as my driving is (I admit it) somewhat bumpy, occasionally aggressive, and with a whole third dimension to go wrong in, chances are my piloting would be absolutely abysmal.  Not to mention that when you're scooting around the stratosphere at 1000 mph in some super-jet, you have to make critical decisions blisteringly fast, which I think I already mentioned I'm not good at doing.  Too prone to panic under pressure... as you'd already know if you've ever been in the car with me driving on the motorway...

Which kinda leaves the infantry, and heck knows I don't like the sound of that.  However, I've already brought up the topic of driving - since the army are supposed to be tough as nails, that should mean they can withstand my dodgy motoring, so maybe I should join the logistics corps and punish a truck.

For lack of a better answer, that's where I'll leave it for now: I think I'd be a driver and beat the tar out of an army truck.

  • Last 10 for 17 status: 5 down, 5 to go.  Half-way there, but once again I'm re-equalising with Tim.  Haven't managed to be ahead yet!
  • Latest book read: still The Kink and I
  • Latest film/TV watched: still Logan's Run
  • Latest music listened to: some ghastly mess I overheard on Radio 2 at the shop
  • Latest edible item eaten: Pineapple and Coconut Sponge Pudding
  • Programs and web pages currently running: Microsoft Office Outlook 2007, Firefox (tabs: Blogspot Dashboard; Blogspot Create Post; MatNav 6.1)
  • Webcomics posted today: Cylinder and Miserable Episode 1475

- The Colclough


  1. I couldn't do propaganda; I'm just too honest. If we'd just got stuffed, I'd feel duty bound to tell the truth. My department of choice would be the tech development department, as I think I'd be quite good at that. But if it had to be one of The Big Three, I think I'd rule out the navy, as I get sea sick and I'm not a very good swimmer. The air force is out because me buzzing around at 1000mph in the air doesn't sound like a good idea. So I guess I'd be in the infantry. And I'd probably end up as Colclough's co-driver. The baddies wouldn't have a chance, what with Matt driving and my sense of direction. We'd plough into enemy HQ smash the whole place to bits with a cry of "ahh Matt, I don't think you pressed the break hard enough". And then I'd stick my head out the door and ask the bemused bad-guys: "is this Salisbury?"

    1. ...and if it turned out it wasn't Salisbury after all, then you being the size you are you could cave the baddies' heads in pretty easily anyway. that definitely sounds like a win-win situation!

  2. It is kind of hard for me. I don't like being shouted at and I don't like running long distances. For me I would choose the Navy (provided that I become captain of a Warship or Aircraft Carrier). Maybe I should join the Department of design and design the military vehicles.

    If neither of them I suppose I would have to find some way of becoming The Hulk and be in The Hulk department (or more preferrably - GODZILLA).

    1. that's an interesting point, about Godzilla. the army should have a Kaiju department, and with your expert knowledge in that field, you could be the person in charge of stratetic Kaiju deployment, couldn't you?

    2. All I would need is the complete power of the countries resources during a Monster Attack and we will all be fine.